


Come Hell or High Water

by Anguisette90



Series: High Water [1]
Category: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: AU - Post Skin Game, Angst, Because It's Mostly A Lot of Hurt, Charity Would Kill Harry If She Knew Half of What He Was Thinking, Cuddles, Did I Say Hurt/Comfort?, F/M, First Dates, First Time, Harry Has The Worst Timing, Hurt/Comfort, I Just Want Good Things For Molly, I Tried for PWP, I failed, Let Alone What He Was Doing, Only So It Can Hurt Worse, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, So much angst, Spoilers for All Books & Shorts So Far, Then a Little Comfort, i'm a monster, unrepentant smut, until its not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:08:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 79,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22166899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anguisette90/pseuds/Anguisette90
Summary: "See, the thing is, it’s really all Karrin’s fault. If she wasn't so damn observant and didn't feel the need to constantly share her observations with certain selectively-unobservant wizards, the thought would never have crossed my mind...But of course, once it was there..."In which Harry Dresden finally admits to himself that he wants Molly, only to find that things are way more complicated, confused and fucked up than he expected. So, you know, pretty much par for the course in his life.
Relationships: Molly Carpenter/Harry Dresden
Series: High Water [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595575
Comments: 34
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted good things for Molly.  
> I just wanted to write a short, simple, plotless porn where poor Molly could get laid.  
> I don't know what happened. I looked away for a minute and suddenly - dozens upon dozens of chapters of plot just appeared. Please send help. 
> 
> I've never posted anything I've written before, and with the exception of my poor beleaguered wife who somehow didn't leave me for spending all of my free time for the better part of two years writing Dresden Files smut, no one else has read this. So, I guess what I'm saying is, it's my first time, please be gentle.

See, the thing is, it’s really all Karrin’s fault. If she wasn't so damn observant and didn't feel the need to constantly share her observations with certain selectively- unobservant wizards, the thought would never have crossed my mind. Our relationship had taken years to build up and only a few months to crumble and we'd agreed to go our separate ways. Molly wasn’t the only reason we'd fought, and she certainly wasn’t the biggest issue we had, but she'd come up more than a time or ten. Karrin Murphy has what some might call ‘trust issues’, especially where men are concerned.

It's not like I couldn't see where she was coming from. Molly and I had been through a lot together. We'd both made mistakes in our teenage years and used forbidden magic, putting us at odds with the Council. She'd had my back in a number of fights, scrapes and other deadly situations. I’d saved her life, she’d saved mine. As my former apprentice, we’d spent a lot of time together and had gotten to know each other pretty well. We shared many interests and hobbies. And, the biggest one in Karrin’s mind, we both bore Winter mantles now.

So, I understood her concerns, even though she was insane. Yeah, Molly and I had a lot in common but so did Karrin and I. We'd been through at least as much together, and I was hard-pressed to think of anyone who had been a more reliable source of comfort and support for me in my entire life. I would never cheat on any woman, especially not her. She deserved the best, and I strove for it. 

Plus, even if I would, with _Molly_? She was a kid! I mean, not really anymore. She'd had a body built for adult activity since she was too young to really know what she was doing with it and in the last few years, since my death and her ascension to Sidhe royalty, she'd really mentally matured into it. Still, when I thought of her I thought of the scared young girl I'd soulgazed all those years ago. I’d known her since before she needed a training bra for crying out loud. I'd never have even considered it if Karrin hadn't put the idea in my head. 

But of course, once it was there…

It’s not like I intended to act on it, okay? I was happy with Karrin, except for the fighting. I didn't want to leave, I wanted it to work. Even when it became apparent that we couldn't reconcile our differences and we mutually agreed that we work better as friends than lovers, it still wasn’t like I immediately decided “Great, this is my chance!” and set out to seduce Molly. I did what I always do when I'm heartbroken – I spent copious amounts of money on Mac’s finest and poured myself into working cases and doing research. Of course, since the loss of my previous lab to an apartment fire three years prior, I had been sharing a lab with Molly, which meant we saw each other often. And, true, that first night we were broken up, I did show up on Molly’s doorstep, very drunk and crying, with more beer in hand. But Thomas wasn’t home, and I didn't know where else to go.

I think it was the right choice anyway. Molly brought me in, set me on the couch and listened while I poured my heart out. I hadn't intended to but as soon as she asked me what was wrong, I couldn't hold back. I didn't get too specific about what we fought about, and I certainly didn't tell her that she was one of those things, but I told her how it felt. Like my world had fallen apart and there was no sense to it. Like my heart was missing. A lot of maudlin crap like that which Thomas would have given me a hard time about. Molly just took it in stride with a sympathetic ear.

At some point, I reached for another beer and she very subtly took the remaining ones out to the kitchen and returned with a cup of tea for both of us, ignoring my protests. I don’t clearly remember the entire evening after that. I know she was sitting on the couch with me for a while, while I cried into her shoulder like a child. Then I was laying with my head on her lap, while she sang softly to me and rubbed one hand gently across my back. The next thing I knew, I was in a bed, with no recollection of how I got there, and she was tucking me into a blanket.

I woke the next morning hoping that it had all been a bad dream, but before I even opened my eyes, the pounding of my head assured me it was not. I opened my eyes, thankful for the blackout curtains that kept the room peacefully dark and tried to remember where I was. I groaned with realization and briefly considered opening a hole in the Nevernever and crawling in, rather than facing Molly. I scrapped that idea when I realized that my foci were in her umbrella stand and my duster was probably in her coat closet, and, perhaps most importantly, I was naked from the waist up and had no idea where my shirt was. The Nevernever is not a place you should go, even when prepared if you can avoid it. Going in in nothing but…not even my own pants (whose pajamas was I wearing!?) was suicidal.

There was a nightstand beside the bed with a giant glass of water, a bottle of aspirin and two small pills that I didn’t recognize. I ignored them for now and downed a fistful of the aspirin. Stomach lining be damned, I’m a wizard, I can take it. My clothing was nowhere in sight (although admittedly the world spun a bit when I stood up and I didn’t bother looking too hard) but I found a wardrobe on the far side of the room which held a variety of men’s clothing, all in more or less my size. I wasn’t too surprised. Molly had an entire room for me at her last apartment, complete with clothing, and I wasn’t shocked to find that she’d set aside a spare room for me now that she had a whole four-bedroom house to herself. It was touching, and convenient, but not surprising.

I changed into a pair of jeans and grabbed the first t-shirt I saw (black, with a white image of a 20-sided die with a 1 facing up and the words ‘The dice are trying to kill me’ under it) and hesitantly ventured out into the rest of the house. The smell of fresh coffee and bacon hit me immediately and my stomach flip-flopped, trying to decide if we were going to be sick or if it was appealing. It settled on appealing and I moved toward the kitchen. It’s possible that I only imagined drifting through the air, being pulled in by the lure of the aroma a la Scooby-Doo, but that’s how I remember it happening.

“I was just about to make sure you were still alive,” Molly said cheerfully, as I entered her kitchen. “Coffee’s on the island, food will be done in a moment.”

She was far too chipper for the morning, especially that morning, but I grunted and took a sip of the coffee. Perfect. It was perfect. Mostly cream and sugar. I made a more appreciative grunt and she laughed. “Please, after all this time, I know how you like it, Boss.” She winked at me.

It was an innocuous statement. I was sure of it. She hadn't meant anything by it. But my filthy mind decided to treat me to a short preview of her demonstrating how well she knew exactly how I liked it, and it had nothing to do with coffee. I shifted uncomfortably, glad to be standing on the opposite side of the island from her to block my suddenly-too-tight pants from view. Being the mature sophisticate that I am, I replied: “That's what she said.”

Molly’s cheeks flushed slightly (which, I found to my discomfort, only exacerbated the problem of my rapidly-shrinking jeans) and laughed. “So, you _can_ still talk. I was worried that you may have killed enough brain cells last night to be monosyllabic forever.” She slid bacon onto a plate beside a stack of pancakes that were only slightly burned and pushed it over to me. She pulled up a stool and sat down opposite me, eating an omelet that looked like it was more vegetable than egg. 

“Listen, about last night…” I started, unsure of where to even begin. “I'm sorry, I wasn’t – I’m not- in a good place and-“

“You have nothing to apologize for, Harry.” She said quickly. “I’m your friend. That’s what friends are for.”

“You shouldn’t have had to see me like that. You shouldn’t have had to put up with me.” I rubbed at the bridge of my nose, willing the aspirin to kick in harder. “I’m supposed to set a good example for you.”

Molly snorted. “Uh, yeah, when I was a kid. You may not have noticed this Harry, but I _am_ an adult now. You don’t have to worry about corrupting my youthful innocence with swear words and alcohol.”

“I think that ship sailed before I was in the picture anyway,” I said, eliciting a smirk from across the table. _I bet she could show you a thing or two about corrupted innocence_ a small voice in the back of my head whispered. I firmly ignored it and blamed it on my mantle. That thing was forever telling me to kill anything male and sleep with and kill (in any order, it wasn’t picky) anything female. Yep, definitely the mantle. No way I could just genuinely have sexual fantasies about corrupting my friend’s daughter. No sir. “Still, just because you’re not trying to follow in my footsteps doesn’t mean you should have to babysit me all night, Grasshopper. I’m an ass and I’m sorry.”

“This might surprise you, Boss, but I know a thing or two about heartbreak.” She said quietly. She reached over, hesitantly, as though afraid that her touch might burn me and ever so carefully covered my hand with hers. Her skin felt cool against mine, and I felt the shock of her power run through me. Her fingers tensed slightly but she didn't withdraw. “I know how it feels. Like the bottom’s dropped out of the world and it will never stop hurting. You don’t need to apologize to me or anyone else for how you deal with it.”

I swallowed, trying to clear the lump in my throat. “…Do you have any advice, on how to make it stop?” My own voice sounded foreign, rough and broken.

Molly brushed her fingers across my knuckles and gave me a sad, knowing smile. “I think you already know by now – it doesn’t stop hurting, it just gets easier with time.” She pulled her hand back and I immediately felt worse for it. Even that little bit of human contact had been immeasurably soothing. But I didn't want to tell her that and sound like a creep. “I _can_ help with how to deal with it though.”

“Yeah, how’s that?”

“Keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with friends and family. Don't be afraid to feel sorry for yourself from time to time but don't make a habit out of it.” She shrugged. “Find things that make you happy, even if just for a moment, and pursue the crap out of them.”

“That what you did?” I asked

Something shifted in her expression. Her smile looked harder, her eyes a little less calm and gentle. “Not always, no. I wish I had.” She sighed, and her face brightened a bit. “But I’m learning. And hey, you’ve always been a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ kind of guy. Turnabout’s fair play.” I couldn't argue with that.

Despite feeling like my chest might cave in from the weight of my grief, I found myself smiling at her. “When did you go and get all wise on me?”

Her expression turned wry. “If I was wise, I wouldn't have the experience to be able to give you the advice in the first place.”

It might say something about the state I was in that I didn't realize until several hours later when I was recounting the conversation to my brother, that _I_ was the one who’d broken her heart. “Realize” might actually be a strong word for it. Thomas had to point it out to me in so many words before I saw it. I replayed the entire conversation and what I remembered of the previous night and the weight in my chest got heavier. Great, not only had I broken Karrin’s heart (and my own in the process) but I'd run straight to Molly for comfort, pouring salt in old wounds. ‘It doesn’t stop hurting’ she’d told me. God, way to go Harry. 

I tried avoiding her for a while after that but as previously mentioned her lab was my lab and if I was going to pour myself into my work and research, I needed to be there. She must have thought I was avoiding her because I was embarrassed or because I was avoiding people altogether (both of which were also true) because the more I tried to give her space the more she'd try to lift my spirits. She would remind me to eat or sleep. Twice she tried to drag me out, once to some play she had tickets to and once to Mac’s. Both times I refused, but I appreciated the effort.

When it became apparent that I wasn’t going to socialize, she opted to keep me company in the lab. Ostensibly, she was doing her own research, but we primarily spent a lot of time building a new and improved version of Little Chicago. It was harder without Bob’s advice, but Bonnie helped where she could. Molly, for her part, was invaluable. Not only had she always had a subtler hand for magic, but she seemed to have an innate sense of how a spell should work now. When I asked about it, she just gave me a tight-lipped smile and told me it was a perk of the job.

It was over a month before I saw Karrin again. There wasn’t really any avoiding it, I suppose. Especially since we’d both agreed that we would remain friends. I had a client come to me with a request that required the sort of resources the Chicago Alliance afforded. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but not as painful as I’d expected. Maybe I’d just braced myself for the impact. Either way, she helped with the case, and while she did, we talked about anything other than us. It was a start. It would take a while before we got back to anything resembling a normal friendship, but I’d take it. I found that while it hurt to see her and know that the intimate part of our relationship was over, just talking to her again allowed me to breathe a little easier.

Another month and I’d started to feel like my life was finally regaining a sense of normalcy – or as much of one as there ever was. I’d fallen into a comfortable routine. My days were spent on cases or with the Alliance when there was something to do, if not they were spent in Molly’s lab. I’d return to Thomas’s apartment most nights to crash in his guest bedroom as long as I didn’t fall asleep at my desk. Every time I did, I’d wake up the next morning in Molly’s spare bedroom. She casually suggested a few times that I could move in if I wanted to. My plan had been to get my own place, move Maggie and Mouse in, rebuild my own lab, stop freeloading. I just…hadn’t gotten around to it. Each time she brought it up I didn't accept but I never actually declined either.

I found myself spending more and more time there. Being the Winter Lady was a demanding job and it kept Molly on an odd schedule, so we didn’t always see each other. Still, it was comfortable in her house. There was a distinct “homey” quality that made it feel less lonely, even when it was just me and Bonnie home. And it always seemed to please Molly when she would return from a job to find me there.

The more time I spent with her, the more I realized Molly was different. There was no avoiding it. I mean, I’d expected it when she first got the mantle. I hadn’t known Lily well before she’d become the Summer Lady, but I got the distinct impression that she’d been a very different girl before I’d accidentally promoted her. Molly didn't talk about it much (read: At all) and if you didn't know her well, you might not notice it. The changes in her physical appearance, while noteworthy, didn't stand out so much on a girl like Molly who had always changed her hairstyle more frequently than some folks change underwear. And her personality had always been a bit mercurial, so perhaps it wasn't as obvious to others as it was to me. But sometimes when she spoke, her voice took on an added timber, a note of finality when she was arguing, or a soft tone like a bell ringing in the distance when she was pleased. Sometimes I'd catch her staring off into space with a distant frown or, worse, a creeping smile like the cat who ate the canary.

Most of the time she seemed normal. It was only occasionally, especially when she was tired or upset, that her other side would come out. I’d be lying if I said it never scared me or made me uncomfortable. But at the end of the day, she was still Molly and I was determined to not let Mab and her damn Court ruin anything else in my life, so I pretended not to notice.

I also pretended not to notice when my own attitude toward Molly started to shift. At first, I denied it entirely. Then I ignored it. Then I just tried not to think about it. But the problem remained – Molly _was_ different, and it wasn’t just fear that she stirred in me. I mean, hell, she’d always been an attractive girl. I’d have to have been gay and blind not to notice it. The most primal parts of my brain had happily been pointing out exactly how many positive physical attributes Molly had, and cataloging everything we could and should do with said attributes at the first opportunity since she was 17. But that had always been the problem – she was a girl. And in my head, she’d always been that same 17-year-old girl. Young, impressionable, and untouchable.

Somehow, I realized, that had changed too. Molly was a woman grown. Hell, she had a steady job, her own house, a fridge full of groceries, she was more of an adult than I had ever been. It just took her becoming the Lady of Winter for me to see it, apparently. Which was a fine realization on its own – I didn’t feel nearly as guilty or creepy for appreciating her wardrobe choices (almost universally designed to show off her ample décolletage, round, firm posterior and long, lean legs) as I did before. After all, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the art of the female form, especially when it’s so finely displayed.

It didn’t start to bother me until her birthday. Molly had been gone most of the day, and I’d spent the time reinforcing the spellwork on my staff and coat. I was just debating whether or not to grab a bite to eat before moving on to my shield bracelet when Bonnie zipped past me and darted across the room. I jumped to my feet, ready for a fight and saw Molly standing there, Bonnie glowing against one cheek in greeting. If my jaw had dropped any further, I’d have needed surgery to reattach it.

She had her hair twisted up in an elaborate braided design that almost looked like a crown. She wore thigh-high black leather boots with metal studs and a matching dress that covered the absolute essentials and no more. A half-dozen chains of various lengths were draped around her neck, doing nothing to detract from the sweet curve of her breasts straining against the heart-shaped neckline of the dress, and more metal flashed along her wrists. Her eyes were painted a smoky grey and her lips were a dark purple.

She stood for a long moment, a small smile on her face as she gauged my reaction. I couldn't help myself, I didn't even try to hide it. When I finally found my voice, I said “Wow. You're all dressed up.”

She snorted. “How observant of you.” She shifted her weight from one leg to the other and I watched the way her hips rolled against the inside of the dress when she moved. It took a tremendous amount of effort not to pant or drool at the mere sight. “It's my birthday. You’re taking me out to celebrate.”

“I am?” I asked in surprise.

Molly grinned. “Yep. I haven’t been out just for fun in a long time and you’ve been spending too much time in my basement. So, you’re taking me out.”

I scowled. “And what if I had plans tonight?” She raised an eyebrow. “It could happen.” I protested feebly. 

“Well, in that case, I'd just have to go out all by myself. All alone. On my birthday. With no one to defend my honor.” She shrugged, and the motion threatened to shrug her right out of the dress. “But if you have plans…”

I laughed. “Ah, so that’s it then? I’m supposed to be your honor guard?”

“If that’s what you want.” Her lips curled into a knowing, impish little smile and her voice was soft and low, almost a purr. I resisted the urge to shiver and tried to think pure thoughts. No, guarding her honor was not what I wanted, I realized with a pang of guilt. “You _are_ my Knight, after all.”

That brought me up short. We didn’t talk about Winter unless there was actual business to attend to. She had never casually referred to me by my title, and I avoided bringing up the subject of hers. It seemed strange for her to mention it now, especially since the way she wore that dress was making it hard enough to resist the persistent urging of the mantle. I didn’t need any reminders of what I was.

I was glad, when I stood, that I’d already put my coat on. It wasn’t difficult to shift the fabric to hide the, err, localized swelling her outfit had produced, something I, unfortunately, had a bit of experience with. Bonnie flew back over to me, curling against my cheek as well. I blew a kiss in her direction and told her goodnight before she flitted back to the wooden carving of a skull that sat on the shelf nearby and settled in. I ran one hand through my hair. “Alright, where am I taking you?”

“Surprise me.” She murmured before turning and heading back upstairs. I definitely drooled a little.

An hour later, Molly gave me a look of wry disapproval from the passenger’s seat of my car. “Really? I tell you to take me out, this is where you take me?”

“Molls, maybe you haven’t noticed this, but I don’t frequent a whole lot of places. It was this or Burger King.” I shut off the engine and got out of the car. Molly seemed surprised when I rushed around to open the door for her. I held out my hand to help her out and my pulse jumped when she took it. She glided smoothly out of the car and deftly maneuvered herself until she’d taken hold of one of my arms. I felt my face grow hot and hoped the dim streetlights weren’t bright enough to show her how red I must be.

We stepped down into Mac’s tavern and the room went quiet, all eyes on us for a moment. I faltered, but Molly was undeterred, striding purposefully up to the bar as though she hadn’t noticed. “Heya Mac. Can I get a Jack and Coke and a Fuzzy Navel for the lady here?” She gestured to me. Mac pulled two bottles of ale from beneath the bar and set them on the counter, eliciting a radiant grin from Molly. “Thank you!”

He grunted, then eyed us both speculatively. “Food?”

“Yes, please,” I answered for both of us. He glanced at me, frowned, then nodded. Molly laughed and dragged me over to a table. Her smile was infectious, and I couldn’t help but smile back. “What’s gotten into you tonight?”

“Nothing so far but I like to keep an open mind.” She winked, and then laughed again when I abruptly flushed. “You walked right into that one.”

“You know what I mean,” I mumbled, trying to hide my face.

“It’s my birthday, can’t I just be in a good mood?” She protested, but she let her smile fade and nodded at me. “I'm 26 today. Officially closer to 30 than I am to 20.” She took a long pull off the brown bottle and I followed suit.

“And thaaaaats…bad? Good?” To me, any birthday was another year I'd survived, which was always a good thing, but Molly seemed upset and I wasn’t sure why. She let out an explosive breath. 

“It's meaningless, now. Who cares if I'm a year closer to 30? What's a year or even a decade to someone who’s no longer mortal? 100 years from now, I’ll still be exactly the same.”

_Not exactly_ , I thought. _100 years from now you might not even be recognizable._

“That doesn't make your birthday meaningless. You decide what's important to you.” She lifted the bottle back to her lips and drained half of it.

“I forgot.” She said quietly once she was finished. “My own birthday. It's only been two years and…mom called to ask if I had plans tonight. When I told her I did she said she'd make something special for Sunday then, so we could celebrate. I had to actually ask her what we were celebrating.” She shook her head. “How the hell could I forget my own birthday?”

“You've been busy.” I shrugged. “I’ve lost track of days before, it’s not-“

“I knew the date. It just wasn't important.” She fidgeted with the bottle. “How long before I forget dad's birthday, or Hope’s, or yours?”

“Don't worry, everyone forgets my birthday. I guess there's usually bigger concerns at the time or something.”

“You know what I mean.” She glanced up at me, the gray makeup making her eyes look startlingly blue. “How much longer will I still be me?”

I laid one hand on her arm and was gripped with a sudden conviction. “You'll always be you, Molls.”

She flashed a smile that didn't reach her eyes. “At any rate, I decided that tonight, instead of both of us moping around and feeling sorry for ourselves, we'd go out and enjoy life.” She glanced around at the carved wood columns, exposed beams in the ceiling. A cloud of pipe smoke hung in the air from a nearby table. “This wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but the beer’s good and the company's okay so it'll do.”

Mac slid two plates onto the counter and added two more bottles when I went to grab them. I dropped everything off at our table then excused myself for a moment and used Mac’s phone to make a call. An hour later, after eating and settling our tab, I put the car in park in front of what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse. I double-checked the address I’d hastily scrawled on a napkin against the closest street sign and confirmed that yes, this was the place.

“Are you working a case?” Molly asked, in confusion. “I'm happy to help, I just wasn’t expecting-“

My windows started vibrating from the bass stereo of the truck as soon as it turned onto the same block. The driver pulled up behind us, practically on our bumper and cut the engine. I could feel Molly’s tension as her eyes darted from me to the rear-view mirror. I smiled and got out of the car, opening her door and offering my hand again. She kept her eyes on the large white SUV behind us the entire time. “Harry,” She hissed, her voice low and cold. “What’s going on?”

I would have answered, but at that moment the other driver came around from his side of the car. His jeans looked like they were painted on and like they had to be cutting off circulation to his testicles at least, if not to his legs. He wore a white button-down shirt which was completely unbuttoned, and the fabric was so thin it left nothing to the imagination anyway. Over it all, he wore a black leather jacket (short, unlike mine) and matching gloves. It should have looked ridiculous, but on him, it just looked natural, everything designed to show off his flawless body. “Well, look at you.” He purred, eyeing Molly from head to toe. “Happy Birthday indeed, Ms. Carpenter.”

“Thomas!” She exclaimed, flushed and breathless, throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace. I ground my teeth and said nothing. “What are you doing here?”

Thomas let her go and glanced at me over her shoulder. “My little brother called and said he needed some advice about where to take a girl out on the town. That didn't sound like him, so I came to make sure he was alright.”

Molly turned back to look at me, grinning. “You called Thomas?”

I shrugged in a way that I hoped looked nonchalant. “I'm an old curmudgeon. Living life for me is a beer and a book. I figured you were looking for something a bit more…Thomas-y tonight.” Her hug knocked the wind out of me and probably bruised a few ribs. I wrapped one arm around her in return without thinking about it. Warmth filled me from head to toe as I connected with the bared flesh of her back. A wave of desire surged through me and it was hard not to run my hand down the length of her dress, to cup her buttocks and caress every inch of exposed skin, to draw her closer to me.

“Thank you.” She said softly, releasing me and taking a step back. She stared at her feet, clearly embarrassed but still grinning. I was surprised to see Thomas over at the passenger’s side of the truck, helping Justine climb down. It was rare to see the two of them together outside of his apartment. She wore a red bustier that bared her midriff and a pair of shorts that did very little to actually cover any skin. As she settled on the ground, she caressed his face and stared lovingly into his eyes. For not the first time in my life, I felt a stab of jealousy for my brother. It was fleeting – I knew how hard they worked to be able to steal even little moments like this – but I couldn't help it. It felt like a lifetime had passed since someone had looked at me like that. 

Thomas led the way, Justine on one arm, down a narrow alley to a simple metal door in the rear of the building with one bare bulb above it. He pushed in like he owned the place (and I silently prayed that he didn't) and went straight down a set of stairs to the left of the door. It was barely lit, which didn't seem to trouble Thomas (or, I noted, Molly for that matter) but I willed some light into my pentacle for Justine and my sake. “Thought you were taking us to some club?” I grumbled. “This looks like a crime scene waiting to happen.”

“Oh ye of little faith,” Thomas said. Somehow I could hear him roll his eyes. We turned a corner and found another metal door with a bare bulb. This one had a small wooden stool with a large muscled man on top of it. He was the sort of muscular where it went beyond impressive and intimidating and went full-on into disturbing. It looked like a grotesque distortion of the human form. He took in our motley crew with a bored expression. 

“No weapons. No smoking. No nudity. No trouble. Understood?” He grunted. Judging by the way his neck bulged, I was guessing his throat was too constricted for more than grunts and growls.

“Rules out all of my plans,” I muttered. Molly and Justine both giggled but Bullneck McMusclebound just glared.

“We understand,” Thomas assured him, reaching for the door.

“Not so fast.” Bullneck barred Thomas with one beefy arm. “Girls can go in. You two pay the cover.”

“Oh, but mister, you can’t expect the two of us to go in unattended.” Molly’s eyes were wide with feigned innocence. “Someone might try something funny.”

Bullneck was not impressed. “If your dad here wants to join you, he’s gonna have to pay.”

“I’m not her dad.” I snarled.

“Boyfriend. Whatever.” He shrugged.

“I’m not her boyfriend eith- “

Thomas sighed and handed two crisp bills over. “I’m sorry, my friends are morons, this isn’t really their scene.”

Bullneck grunted again, in approval and agreement, and pocketed the money. “Right. Step on through.”


	2. Chapter 2

The moment the door opened, sound assaulted my face. It was like a hurricane-force wind but with noise. I was stunned by it for a moment until Molly grabbed my hand, dragging me in after her. The room was huge and had a distinct industrial grunge feel to it with metal walls and exposed I-beams decorating the ceiling. The noise that was pumping at full volume from an astounding number of speakers was allegedly music, some kind of electric nonsense with a lot of “wubs” and too much bass. The room was filled with people, most of whom looked like they wouldn’t have made it in if Bullneck had bothered to card.

Molly did an impression of the teacher from Charlie Brown and I frowned at her. “What?” I couldn't hear myself over the sound. She repeated herself twice with no success before rolling her eyes. She pressed up against my side so that she could talk directly into my ear.

“I said – This is so awesome!” She bounced in place, and all of her bounced along.

My natural inclination was to grumble about how it was too loud and crowded and wasn’t it just a little too hot but I caught a glimpse of her face, glowing in the multicolored lights from the DJ’s stand, and I found myself smiling. “Happy birthday!”

It was not my idea of a good time, but I enjoyed the night anyway. There was a bar in a slightly elevated loft-like area, not too far off the floor but enough to muffle the sound some. I stayed up there most of the night, watching my friends below. They each made valiant efforts to get me to join them but after thirty seconds of demonstrating my lack of coordination for modern dance, they finally relented and left me to my devices. Of course, not dancing gave me the perfect vantage point to watch Molly and Justine dance and they both did, with wanton abandon. With Thomas, with strangers, with each other. If I hadn’t already made peace with finding Molly arousing before, I had ample opportunity to do so then.

The uncomfortable part came when the girls took a brief recess to rest and rehydrate. The four of us sat in the bar area, three bodies glistening with sweat, one just sweaty, and talked about nothing. I had lost track of how many drinks Molly had, and her eyes were shining, but it hadn't affected her coordination or her speech so I didn't worry too much about it. I was telling a story about the time I'd pretended to be Thomas’s lover to save him from an angry husband when the kid walked up to our table.

He was a young guy, probably in his early 20s, and he had more facial piercings than he had face. Shaggy dark hair hung down into his bloodshot eyes. He wore a black t-shirt that very eloquently said “FUCK” on it, and a pair of ripped jeans. He strode confidently over to us, like he was god’s gift to women, and leaned one arm on the back of Molly’s chair. 

“Ay little mama,” He said to her. He was far too suburban to come anywhere close to pulling it off, but she smiled up at him anyway. “Sorry to interrupt but I saw you dancing, and I just had to let you know you got moves.” I hated his stupid voice. I wanted to punch his stupid face. Molly simpered, batting her eyelashes at him and I hated him some more.

“Well, aren't you sweet. Do you really think so?” I’d never heard that voice from Molly before. It was like warm honey running through my veins, promising delightful things to come. I ground my teeth. 

“Hell yeah, that dress on fleek and you burning it up.” He grinned while I tried to translate from moron to English. “Can I buy you a drink?”

Molly looked around at us for Shaggy’s benefit. “What a gentleman. But I've already got a drink, sweetheart.”

“Oh, well then, why don't you come out on the floor with me and we can see if I can get you wet some other way.” He said smoothly. Thomas choked on his drink and Molly laughed with delight. I found myself halfway to standing, ready to fight before I realized what I was doing and sat back down.

“As intriguing as that sounds, I’m here with my friends tonight. Maybe some other time.” She turned back to us, pointedly ignoring him.

That’s when the kid made a mistake. He put one hand on her bare shoulder, pulling her back toward him. “Come on, your friends won’t mind if I borrow you for a bit.” I saw her eyes flash for a moment before she composed herself, shrugging away from him. 

“I'm flattered, really, but no.”

“Pssh. You're just scared to have a good time. Come on baby, don’t be a tease.” He moved to touch her again and before I could rise to intervene her hand came up with lightning-quick reflexes, grabbing onto his arm tight enough that he gasped.

“You couldn't handle me if you tried.” There was nothing soft about her in that moment. Her voice was cold and harsh, and it carried a weight to it that grated on the ears. The smooth lines of her face had become angular, making her look almost gaunt. Frost spread along the boy’s arm where she gripped him. “Go away, now, before I make you go away for good.” Molly let go of his arm with a shove and he stumbled away, putting as much distance between the two of them as he could with wide, wild eyes. She took a sip of her drink and watched him go, eyes cool.

“Men can be such pigs,” Justine said, breaking the awkward silence that had built up. Thomas stiffened, and she added “Not all men.” With a smile.

“There’s nothing wrong with a man who’s not afraid to voice his desires,” Lady Molly mused, still eyeing Shaggy’s retreating form. There was no mistaking in that moment that we were in the presence of a Sidhe Queen. “I like a man who knows what he wants and is willing to take it, if necessary.” She glanced over at me and I couldn’t read her expression, but it made me uncomfortable. It seemed predatory, somehow, and vulnerable at the same time. Just as quickly she looked away again. “But he wasn’t a man, just a little boy.” She shook her head as if clearing her thoughts and her features returned to normal, her smile warm and bright. “Anyway, enough of that, back to the floor?”

Justine readily agreed but Thomas waved them on, lingering back with me. We stood in silence, shoulder to shoulder for a long time, and watched the two of them. Molly moved with effortless grace, rolling her hips and shoulders, turning and twisting, and I realized it was like watching someone do battle. She fought for dominance of the floor, and moved smoothly amongst her partners, both Justine and strangers, matching their every movement, meeting them, blocking them. It wasn’t hard to imagine her on an actual battlefield, slinging spells and wielding weapons with equal aptitude. I felt a fierce pride, watching her.

“It suits her, doesn’t it?” Thomas finally said, quietly.

“Huh?”

“Being Winter Lady. It suits her.”

I stared at him, apoplectic. “It _suits_ her? Are you insane?”

He shrugged unapologetically. “I’m not saying I’d wish it on her, but she’s taken to it well. She’s more confident. Stable. No longer hiding in your shadow.”

“She was never hiding in my shadow.” I protested. Thomas didn’t say anything. After a moment I added, “It’s not just confidence. She’s changed and changing more every day.”

“Yeah, I hear mantles do that to people.” He replied mildly.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were implying something.” I drawled, glancing over at him. My brother half turned, so he was facing me but still able to keep an eye on the girls. He gave me an appraising look.

“You’ve been watching her all night,” Thomas noted, meeting my eyes.

“A lot of creeps around here. It’s my job to keep her safe.” I snarled, immediately pissed off.

He didn’t so much as blink. “Maybe. But that’s not how you’re looking, Harry.”

I ground my teeth. Where the hell did he get off? “Oh boy, you caught me. I'm a heterosexual male with a pulse, of course I've been looking. So have you and every other guy in this place. That suddenly make me, what, evil?”

“I never said evil.” He raised both hands in a placating gesture. “It’s just something I've noticed. I know that look.” My hands were white-knuckled fists before I knew it and I fixed him with my best glare. Because it is his purpose in life to be as infuriating to me as possible, he ignored my intimidation tactics and smiled sadly at me. “One predator to another, be careful there.”

Part of me wanted to hit him until he stopped smiling, but his words struck a chord and I closed my eyes, forcing myself to calm down. I sighed. “I don't know what's wrong with me. I just, god help me, Thomas, I _want_ her. I know it's wrong and it's a bad idea but…every time I look at her, I lose it.”

“It’s okay to want. Hell, that dress is making it hard for me to keep control. Even Justine suggested that we- “

“It’s not the dress,” I said quietly, realizing it was true as I said it. Then my mind filled in the blanks of what he’d been about to say and I had to banish the thought of two lithe young bodies entangled on a bed, lost in the pleasure of each other’s company before continuing. “I mean, that dress is…wow, but it's the same no matter what she's wearing. I feel like a teenager again – everything she does or says just makes me want her more.”

He nodded. “So, go get laid.” I stared at him blankly. “What? You haven’t been with anyone since Karrin. You’re all pent up. There’s a club full of women here. Go find one and go home with her. Get it out of your system and you’ll feel better. I’ll make sure Molly gets home safe.”

“Ehgh. No. That’s disgusting. And how you get STDs. Or murdered.” I scanned the crowd below. “Plus, most of the girls here are half my age.”

“Ah yes, you wouldn’t want to sleep with someone half your age,” Thomas replied, his tone so dry it should come with a fire risk warning. “That would be wroooong.”

I blushed. “Well it would.”

“Like me and Justine?” He asked, lightly. “Do you know how old she was the first time we met?”

“I’m positive I don’t want to know. And yes. Whatever number came before -teen the first time you and her…met…it was wrong. It’s not so bad now that she’s older but-“

“Prude.” There was no malice in it, just humor. “I’m seven years older than you.”

“Yet you look ten years younger. How is that fair?”

“Justine is only a few years older than Molly.”

“Look, I don’t know what the statute of limitations is for sex with a minor, so I really don’t want to do the math on this one. Can you just-“

“If it’s okay now that we’re both consenting adults, why should it be different for you?”

I blinked at him. “I’m sorry. I had something crazy in my ear. It almost sounded like you were just encouraging me to sleep with Molly.”

“Moi? I would never encourage that sort of filthy, sinful behavior,” His grin split his face. “All I'm saying is if you've got an itch, sometimes it's best to scratch it.”

“Unless it's a bug bite, or a bee sting, or a scabbed-over wound. Then you'll only make it worse.” I watched Molly. She looked vibrant in a way that I hadn't seen in a long while. Her cheeks were flushed from exertion, but her smile was radiant. “I couldn’t do that to her. Just to satisfy an urge. She deserves better than that.” Molly laughed at something Justine said and though I couldn't hear it, I could feel the pure, joyous energy rolling off her. I wanted to kiss her, to capture the last echoes of her laugh in my own mouth. How sweet it would be to steal the warmth of her lips and replace it with my own, to pull her hair loose from the braid and run my fingers through it. To taste her on my tongue and hold her close. As if hearing my thoughts, she looked up at me and met my eyes, waving enthusiastically. I laughed and waved back.

“Hmm,” Thomas said thoughtfully, giving me another appraising look.

I raised an eyebrow. “'Hmm’ what? What are you ‘hmm’ing?”

He clapped me on the back. “Oh, nothing. You know me. Not a thought in this pretty little head.” He stretched and yawned. “I'm going to head out. Early day tomorrow.”

“Nuh-uh. Not buying it.” I grabbed hold of his jacket as he started to move. “Tell me what you're thinking.”

It was his turn to sigh. “Fine. I'm thinking, I’m the vampire, I'm the one who gets to be angsty and brooding all the time. Lately you've been upsetting the natural order and at first I was blaming your mantle but now…” He rubbed one hand across his face, mulling over his words. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on between you and Molly but- “

“Nothing’s going on between me and Molly!” I protested, perhaps a bit too quickly.

“-But you should probably talk to her about it. If it is a mantle thing, she’ll understand. If not…she’ll understand too. Either way, you need to talk to her before you do something stupid.” He finished, as though I never interrupted.

I wanted to argue but instead, I considered what he was saying. Talk to Molly about what? My overactive libido? How my mantle had been working overtime lately? How I’d finally noticed that she was an adult and boy howdy was I noticing now? Yeah, that wouldn’t be awkward at all. “Before I do something stupid?” I asked as he walked away. “Like what?”

“You tell me. But every time I’ve ever seen you this bent out of shape about something, something stupid has always followed. Just be careful for once, is all I’m saying.”

I grunted. “Careful. Sure. That’s me.”

In hindsight, the fact that my brother of all people was telling me to talk about my feelings should have been a sign that I needed to take some time to reevaluate my life and what I was doing with it. Another useful observation that only became clear in hindsight – I really should have been counting how many drinks Molly had. She vocalized the beat to the “song” that was playing when we left for the entire car ride home. It was, I had to admit, catchy when she did it. It was also pretty darn adorable. She laughed as I helped her out of the car, suggesting that she might not want to wake the entire neighborhood and should probably quiet down. She still wasn’t displaying a lack of coordination, but she leaned on me heavily as we walked up the drive and into the house. 

“Do you want to come in for a nightcap, Mister Dresden?” Molly asked with a giggle as I opened the door.

“I think we've both had enough to drink for one night,” I told her, but I followed her in anyway. 

“Well then maybe we can find something else you’d like?” She turned so we were facing each other and looked up into my eyes with an arch smile, placing one hand on my chest. Blood immediately rushed to my face (and other choice places) coloring my cheeks.

“I uh.” I closed the door without looking and locked it. “Umm. It’s late and-“

She rolled her eyes with a laugh. I couldn’t help but notice the way she bounced delightfully, black leather straining to hold all of her pale white flesh. “Relax, Harry. I’m only teasing you.” She ran her hand down my chest and I felt my own breathing quicken. Her voice seemed richer than usual and it was almost as distracting as the jiggling. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear. “I love teasing you.”

Her lips were so close they brushed my ear, her breath warm against my neck. I knew I was in trouble when the soft, involuntary grunt escaped my throat. I tried to cover with a cough but we both knew she heard it and she sunk back on her heels with a self-satisfied little smirk. I turned away slightly under the pretense of taking off my coat to hide my obvious discomfort. “Do you mind if I impose on your hospitality and take the spare room, again? I’m sure Thomas and Justine will appreciate some privacy.”

“You can spend the night anytime.” I hadn’t noticed her move but she was suddenly behind me, helping slide my coat off. “My door is always open for you.” I was pretty sure she wasn’t just talking about the spare bedroom and I started to panic. A large part of me wanted to start returning her advances, to see where it led. But I had a pretty good idea where it would lead, and I couldn’t let it. It would be immoral. It wouldn’t be fair to her. After so long, I couldn’t just have sex with Molly. It would mean so much more to her. Plus, it was just wrong on so many levels…right?

“Thanks, Molls,” I said, swallowing. “I appreciate it. I’ll be out of your hair in the morning.”

“No rush.” Her voice was muffled inside the coat closet as hangers clinked against each other. “You’re not turning in yet, are you?”

“It’s been a pretty long day.” I hedged, cautiously. The truth was I’d planned on going down to the lab to get some work done and ignore my throbbing libido. “Probably longer for you. You should get some sleep.”

“I'm way too wound up for sleep.” She closed the closet door and bent down to unzip her boots. I made full eye contact with the top-down view of her dress’s neckline. I swear I could have seen all the way to her belly button piercing if she hadn't been doubled over. “I was hoping you might be willing to stay up and help me celebrate my birthday.”

My mouth went dry. On second thought, my earlier objections seemed unimportant. I couldn't even remember what they were. “Uh. Sure. What did you have in mind?” _DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER_ the rational part of my brain screamed, complete with sirens, but it was too late to take it back. 

“I'm going to go upstairs and slip into something more comfortable. Just have a seat on the couch and I’ll be right back.” With her boots removed there was nothing but a long expanse of bared thighs and calves between her dress and the floor. I wanted to taste every inch of her, to sink my teeth into her and mar her flawless skin, marking her as my own. She arched an eyebrow. “Unless you wanted to help me undress?”

“You've definitely had too much to drink, Grasshopper,” I mumbled, looking away quickly. “I'll wait.” Her laughter echoed all the way up the stairs. 

I sat in the living room and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Was I just reading into this? I mean, it wasn't unusual for Molly to make a lewd joke or two, especially at my expense. She knew it bothered me, which only encouraged her. But she'd been really forward all night. Usually she tensed if she even brushed against my hand accidentally in passing while we were working on something. Tonight she'd held my hand and my arm. I could still feel the line her fingertips had traced down my chest. It was like the boundaries we'd drawn up between us had disappeared overnight. 

But why? Had she seen me watching her for the last few weeks and figured it out? Was this another way of cheering me up, by boosting my ego? Or of cheering herself up by getting a rise out of me (in more ways than one?) Maybe it was just the booze talking. After all, people aren't known for making the most rational decisions under the influence and I’d never seen Molly have more than a beer or two before. 

And now she was ‘slipping into something more comfortable’. Obviously I knew what that usually meant, but I couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. She hadn’t answered my question about what she wanted to do to celebrate. I grew more nervous with each passing second. What was I going to do if she came down in just a nighty or lingerie, fully intent on getting to know each other biblically? Too much of me thought I should go along with it and I had to beat that part into submission before deciding that I'd turn her down as delicately as possible and go to bed.

Another minute passed in silence, and I decided that maybe coffee would be a prudent choice. Molly could use some sobering up and I could use something to occupy my hands. I set it to brewing and then thought that maybe getting into more comfortable clothes myself wouldn't be a bad idea.

After a moment’s debate I also quickly hopped into the shower, both to wash the sweat and grime from the club off of me, and to let the cold water cool some of my ardor. Molly had gone out of her way to wizard-proof most of the technology in her house, so I could have taken a hot shower, but I let it run just above freezing and managed to regain some of my sanity. Afterward, I changed into sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt, toweling my hair dry. I came out just in time to bump into Molly, coming from the kitchen with two steaming mugs. 

“Oops, sorry, I should be more-“ I started.

At the same time, she said “Ah, sorry, I just- no, no, don't apologize, it’s my-“

“No, all my fault. Did I make you spill any-“

“No, I'm fine. Are you-“

“I'm fine. Here, let me…” I went to grab a mug from her and our hands touched and something strange happened. We both tensed, blushed, noticed the other blushing, and blushed harder. Flustered, I took a sip and promptly burnt all the nerve-endings on my tongue. “’Ss hot,” I said, like the giant idiot that I am. Molly just laughed and shook her head, disappearing into the living room. I noted, with equal parts disappointment and relief that she had changed into what were clearly pajamas – a pair of black shorts (just long enough to avoid being ‘short shorts’ but still short enough to be intriguing) with a bleach stain on one side and a dark blue tank top. She’d taken off her makeup and let her hair down as well.

“Alright, the TV _should_ be far enough away to keep you from messing with it, but try to think non-magical thoughts, okay?” Molly was tucked into one corner of the couch, her feet folded beneath her and a remote in one hand. I sat on the opposite side of the couch, sipping at my coffee. 

“What are we watching?”

“The Twilight Saga, from beginning to end.” She told me. The TV flickered to life. I stared at her, aghast and she returned the look with mock innocence. “It’s a compelling story. Of love and romance and danger.” I grimaced. “Will she end up with the gay vampire? Or the equally gay werewolf? Who knows. But let's find out!” I started to protest but she hit play and the iconic opening to Episode IV started playing. Molly chuckled darkly. “You're too easy Harry.”

We spent the remainder of the evening (and the early morning) watching the original Star Wars trilogy, quoting every line back and forth, or riffing on it. It was easily one of the most enjoyable nights I’ve ever had. It took a while before I noticed that a drastic switch in Molly’s personality had taken place. At dinner and the club, she’d seemed wild and crazy, exuberant but perhaps a little dangerous and frightening. There was no doubt that it had been the influence of her mantle. Even the flirtatious advances she’d made when we first got home had the distinct mark of the Winter Lady, once I took a step back and analyzed it. Having the proper blood flow to my brain might have helped.

But something had changed when she went upstairs. It was almost like she'd flipped a switch and come back as regular old Molly. I watched her for a long time. If it was a glamour it was a really good one. She looked at ease like she'd let her guard down completely for the first time in years. Her eyes sparkled with each laugh or smile. She looked warmer, somehow, and softer. Happier. 

I don't remember how or why she ended up next to me, all I know is that somewhere during Empire she hesitantly leaned her head against my shoulder. I didn't say anything about it and after a moment she relaxed against me. Without thinking about it, I automatically put my arm around her. We both tensed as my hand touched the bare skin of her shoulder, but I didn't withdraw and neither of us acknowledged it out loud. That was when a sneaking suspicion began to take shape in my mind, and I knew I was really, definitely, irredeemably in trouble. 

See, I could acknowledge that I wanted on some base primal level to sleep with her. I could admit that it wasn't entirely the mantle, that I personally had found her attractive for a long time and that now that she was an adult, it was harder to care about the reasons I had for not acting on that attraction. I wasn’t proud of it, but it was the truth. I was already at the point where if she seriously asked or offered again, I knew I would say yes, consequences be damned. What can I say? Sometimes it's a challenge not to think with my dick. I am who I am. 

What I had a more difficult time admitting to myself was that there was more to this. Yes, I wanted to rip her clothes off and commit acts of pleasure against her body that there weren't even names for yet. But I also wanted to sit here, watching one of our favorite movies, holding her close to me. I wanted to stroke her hair and kiss the tender corners of her mouth or her delicate eyelids. I wanted to assure her that everything would be okay, and to mean it, to know it. I wanted to do whatever would make her happiest, not just tonight, but every night and every day. I tried to tell myself it was paternal. After all, she was my apprentice once upon a time, I _should_ want the best for her. I didn't believe myself, but I tried. 

“Hey, you okay?” Molly was peering up at me, one cheek still mashed against my chest.

“Y-yeah.” I checked in with myself. My thoughts were like a crowded traffic circle where everyone driving was a blind, drunk dog. “Yep. Never better.”

“Okay. You just look…I don't know. You look weird.” A frown creased her brow as she searched my face. “Are you uncomfortable? I can move.”

“No,” I said waaaay too quickly, accidentally tightening my arm around her. Smooth, Harry. Way to go. “No, I...as long as you’re comfortable, that is…” I sighed. “Sorry, I'm just getting tired.”

“Oh, we can go to bed, you don't have to stay up on my account.”

“It’s not-“ I felt my cheeks growing warm and took a sip of my now very cold coffee. I hated how vulnerable my voice sounded when I said, “I'd rather stay here with you.”

“Okay,” She looked concerned or maybe just confused. “Well, let me know when you want to go to bed. We can always finish the trilogy tomorrow or some other time.” I nodded, not trusting what words would come out of my mouth if I opened it. We both sat in silence, ostensibly watching the movie although Molly looked at least as lost in thought as I felt. Finally, when the credits started to roll, she said “Harry?”

“Yeah Molls?”

“I’ve missed you.” Molly nuzzled her head against my shoulder and chest where she lay. I tried to calm my hammering heart, knowing full well that she had to be able to hear it, as close as she was. “I wish it were under better circumstances, but I’m really glad we’ve been able to hang out so much again. I was worried that…well, never mind...”

“What?” I prompted. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

She shrugged. “I was worried that we wouldn’t hang out anymore. I mean, so much has changed. You were…gone. And then almost as soon as you got back, I poofed.” She made an accompanying explosive gesture. “Plus, you have Maggie now. After all that, I wasn’t sure if things would ever be the same between us.”

“I’m not sure that they are,” I said quietly. I indulged my urge to stroke her hair, just once. It was twice as silky as I’d imagined. I felt her tense, either from my words or my touch, maybe both. “You’re right. Everything is different, ever since…” I closed my eyes, willing myself not to think too hard about it. If I thought about it, if I remembered, it would bring me back there and I’d lose it. I didn’t want to lose it in front of Molly. “Since we saved Maggie. Since that night. Things won’t ever be the same, especially between us. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.” I wasn’t sure if I was talking to her or myself anymore, but I think we both benefited from it. “Sometimes change is good. It can give you a new perspective, a different view.”

Her voice was very small and shook slightly when she asked “And this new perspective you have? What do you see?”

“That you’ve gone and grown up on me.” I smiled softly. “That you don't need me or anyone else. You’re a strong, smart, beautiful young woman and I'm an idiot for taking so long to see that.”

“That's…I…” Several emotions flitted across her face before she sighed in frustration and glanced up at me. “What I’m trying to say is just because I don’t need you to teach me or protect me doesn’t mean I don't want you.” As soon as the words left her mouth she blushed and ducked her head. “Your company.” She amended quickly. “I-I-I didn't mean it like that.”

“Relax Grasshopper.” I let myself stroke her hair again and tried to hide my disappointment over the fact that she didn't _want_ me and my equal disappointment in myself for feeling disappointed about it. “I understand. I want your company too. I'm glad we’ve been spending so much time together. I missed you too.”

Molly practically glowed. “Oh.” She said in delighted surprise before recovering and putting on a fake haughtiness. “Well, I guess I am pretty great, that makes sense.”

I laughed, rumpling her hair fondly. I intended to say something witty in response but what came out was “Yeah, you really are.”

She smiled up at me like I was some rare and exotic animal that she'd never encountered before. “You're being weird tonight. If I didn't know any better I’d think there was some kind of magic afoot.”

“How do you know there isn't? Maybe I'm not the real Harry.” I teased.

“You're the real Harry.” She said without a moment’s hesitation.

“How can you be so sure? It wouldn't be the first time someone pretended to be me.”

“Uh-huh. And what's the goal of pretending to be you? Because so far you've taken me out to dinner, gone clubbing, and watched Star Wars with me. So what's the end game, Nega-Harry?” She was barely holding back laughter, staring at me. 

“Maybe I'm here to seduce you,” My mouth said against my brain’s loud protestation. My libido perked up at the mention of seduction and ran one hand down her arm, slow and delicate.

For a moment she stared at me with wide eyes, her lips parted in surprise. I felt her breathing quicken with a surge of triumph and disgust. Then she evidently decided I was joking because her smile returned, a bit askew but there, and she slapped my hand where it rested on her forearm. “That's not funny.” She told me and I laughed, hiding the stab of emotions twisting my guts around at the moment. “It's not! Plus, you so couldn't seduce me if you tried.”

“Is that a challenge?” Again, my mouth betrayed me. I felt a glint of malice touch my eyes at the promise, my mantle on high alert. I tamped it down. 

Molly raised one eyebrow, idly toying with one of the earrings that glittered along her ears. “No. It was just a statement of fact. Watching you try to dance earlier not only retroactively killed any crush I previously had on you but I think it might have killed my attraction to men in general.”

“I can dance.” I protested. “I just need real music, not that electro-garbage.”

“Okay, and what _can_ you dance to?” She asked, clearly disbelieving that I could at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Five minutes later, Molly was sitting cross-legged on the floor on the opposite side of the room with her phone connected to her stereo system determined to find something I would dance to. She swiped through it, treating me to an array of mostly terrible song selections, trying to find one I could dance to. I didn't recognize a good bit of it (‘Is this a female who can't sing or a small boy being tortured?’) and the few I did weren't appropriate for dancing (‘How the hell am I supposed to dance to Bohemian Rhapsody?!’) until finally she started playing _Sway_. It was a cover, not the Deano version that I was familiar with but it was close enough. 

“Now we're talking. Come on,” I held out a hand for her.

“I thought this was about whether or not _you_ could dance.” She asked with a laugh, but she stood and offered me her hand, a bemused expression on her face. “I don’t really know how to dance to this kind of stuff.”

“Don’t worry,” I tried to approach this clinically. My mouth and body had conspired against me to get me here, but that didn’t mean I had to make a fool of myself. I mean, I was going to show her that I knew how to dance, obviously. I didn’t want her to think I was bluffing. But it would be a platonic dance, between friends. I placed one of her arms around my shoulders and she giggled. I wrapped one of mine around her lower back and twined our free hands together. “I’ll lead you.”

Her cheeks were bright red and she looked uncertainly up at me. “O-okay.”

I waited just a moment until the beat started again, then I dove right into the tango. I moved her gently at first with the slightest pressure from my fingers against her back or a soft pull of our hands, but she caught on quickly, her body moving in time with my own. She relaxed into it, allowing me to guide her steps. She barely needed a word of instruction, seeming to move on pure instinct, almost perfectly keeping up with me.

I pushed us both harder, daring to move closer, faster. I spun her out and away from me and when she spun back in, I switched our positions so that she settled with her back against my chest. We swayed as the song suggested, bodies moving in unison, and I ran my hand up her side, from her hip all the way to her neck. Alright, maybe platonic was out of reach. She shivered and I spun her around gently. Molly looked up at me behind half-lidded eyes, meeting my own gaze. She drew her teeth over her bottom lip and gave me a sultry little smile. I returned it with a smirk.

Yeah, screw platonic. I drove forward to the beat of the song and our bodies touched, moving in perfect synchrony. Left, right, left, turn. One of her hands was on my hip, gripping tightly as she was pressed against me. My hand stroked her back. The song drew to a close and I dipped her gracefully, bending over her until our faces were almost touching. I looked deep into her eyes, drawing down toward her perfect lips and…

The song changed to some atrocious pop tune and it was enough to jolt some semblance of rational thought back into my head. I straightened with a snap, pulling Molly back up with me, flustered and embarrassed. I unhanded her and took a step back, staring at the floor between us. Molly cleared her throat after a moment of awkward silence. “So,” she said, her voice still a little breathless. “I guess I was wrong. You win.”

“R-right. I told you I knew how to dance, to the right music.” I’ve faced monsters, demons and forces of evil straight out of your nightmares that I was certain would kill me and still managed to bluff my way into making them nervous. But facing my former apprentice who I was begrudgingly being forced to admit that I had feelings for after trying to make a move on her, I tried for bravado and only succeeded in sounding slightly less nervous and shaky than I actually felt.

“Dancing, right. Yeah.” She sounded distracted. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her tuck a strand of loose hair out of her face. “Is that what we were arguing about?” She shook her head as if clearing her thoughts. “It’s late. We should probably turn in.”

“Molls, I’m sorry if I…I overstepped,” I said quietly, looking at her but not daring to meet her eyes.

A sad smile lingered on her lips and it hurt to look at. “No, that was…you’re a very skilled…dance partner.” She reached out, tilting my face until I was looking directly at her. I swallowed. “Thank you, Harry. For everything tonight. I want to…” She screwed up her lips with a frown. “Thank you.” It didn’t seem like that was what she had wanted to say, but she didn’t elaborate. Her eyes searched mine, and I could swear her expression was almost pleading, desperate, but before I could say anything she broke off, closing her eyes and turning away from me. “I’m sorry, I think we both need to get some sleep.”

“Are you okay? I’m sorry if I-“

She waved a hand dismissively. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. No need to apologize. It’s just me. I think…you know, I had a lot to drink and it was an early morning this morning. I just, I have to go to bed.” She glanced back with a lingering look before she closed her eyes again and folded her arms over her chest, hugging herself. “Goodnight Harry.”

“Goodnight, Molly,” I replied gently. She didn’t walk upstairs so much as she fled, not sparing a moment to look back at me. I stood in the living room, tired, frustrated, and confused, staring at the doorway to the stairs, wondering if I should follow her up to make sure she was okay or if that would just make it worse. I had a feeling it would make it worse.

The spare bedroom seemed unusually cold after the warmth of her presence. Maybe it came from knowing she was right above me, snug under her own covers, all alone. I washed my face with cold water in the small bathroom, trying to snap some sense into myself. I was a creep. There was no other explanation for it. I could remember Molly when she was still in middle school. I was already an adult when we met. Her father was one of my best friends. He’d had my back more times than I could count. And here I was, trying to kiss (and, let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have stopped there) his daughter. God, what kind of lecherous scumbag had I become?

I climbed into bed, my morose mood toning down the sharp edge of desire that still thrummed through me. _But really_ , I reasoned with myself _she's not a little girl anymore. She's a 26-year-old woman._ I’d been about the same age when Susan and I first started dating. And Molly had gone through so much more than I had by that time, she was more experienced, less foolhardy. Maybe that was just from being female. If today had been the first day we met, I wouldn’t be thinking twice about it. She was stunning, from head to toe, and whip-smart. She could keep up with my wit, she called me out on my bullshit, she read comic books and wanted to cuddle on the couch watching Star Wars with me for her birthday. I corrected myself – if we were meeting for the first time, I’d have second-guessed the hell out of this because anyone that perfect for me had to be a trap.

But we didn’t exist in a vacuum. All of the history that gave me reservations also told me that she was the real deal. And despite all of the reasons why it was a bad idea, I had feelings for her. I didn’t just want to sleep with her (although, Hells Bells did I ever want to do that) I wanted to be with her. I wanted to make her smile, to keep her safe and happy, and to know that she was mine. I wanted to take her out to dinner, to dance with her again, and I didn’t want to stop myself from kissing her.

Oh hell. How did that happen? _When_ did that happen? More importantly, what was I going to do about it? I mean, sure, Molly had had feelings for me once upon a time. Maybe for a long time. We’d talked about it, after my rehab in Arctis Tor. She had sensed how the mantle moved me. She’d offered herself, willingly. But a lot had changed in two years. The same night we’d had that conversation (where I had politely turned her down, telling her we both deserved better) she’d been forced into being a vessel for the Winter Lady. And it never would have happened if she hadn’t been trying to help me. Who knew if she even felt the same way for me now?

I ran through the evening. She’d gotten all dressed up and asked me to take her out. She seemed pleased when she saw the reaction I had to her attire. She flirted the entire night, but that wasn’t uncommon between us. At the club, she’d hugged me, really close, which was something new for us. She had been hesitant to touch or get too close to anyone (and, I suspected, especially me) since her brief visit to crazy town. Which, of course, had also been all my fault. But she’d hugged me, and taken my hand. When we got back to the house, she’d been hitting on me, hard. But that also seemed like the influence of her mantle. Maeve had a tendency to turn every conversation into a proposition for sex as well, and given my own mantle’s inclinations, it wasn’t hard to imagine that it might be a side effect of Winter. In which case it probably wasn’t about me.

But there had still been something between us once she came back downstairs looking distinctly more human, hadn’t there? We’d ended up on the same side of the couch, with my arm around her. I hadn’t prompted that. Every time I said something that touched on how I felt about her she’d seemed…surprised. Confused. But she hadn’t seemed disgusted or offended. So that was a start, right? And when I’d pushed the envelope…

Her challenge hadn’t been about whether or not I could dance, I realized. We were talking about my ability to seduce her, and dancing just happened to come up. She’d told me when we were done, that I won. That she was wrong. I’d thought she meant dancing but looking back at our conversation…so much for distracting myself from my desire.

She’d meant that I had succeeded in seducing her. I grinned, proud of myself, before following that thought to its conclusion. I’d seduced her and then right as I was about to seal the deal I’d panicked. And she’d hurried off to bed, almost running away. At the time I’d thought that she was upset that I’d gotten that reaction out of her or that I would presume to kiss her after so many years of rejection. But now…what if she had felt it too? What if I had just raised her hopes and then dashed them when I panicked?

I had too many questions. I couldn’t tell what her reactions meant. Was she still interested in me or had she finally gotten over it? Either way, would she really want this? Did I have a right to even consider asking? I had hurt her so much in so many ways. And I’d never been good at the relationship thing. Historically, they hadn’t ended well for me or the other party. Not to mention the insanity of actually using the words “Molly” and “relationship” in a sentence with “me”. Charity would kill me if she even suspected I was considering sleeping with her daughter. And I could picture the look of supreme disappointment on Michael’s face when he found out. Murder seemed preferable to bearing that stare.

Then I thought of the look Molly had given me when I’d told her how I saw her now, and I knew I was done for. Consequences were irrelevant. I didn’t care what anyone else would think or feel about it, just Molly. All that mattered was whether or not she felt the same way. If she didn’t…I guess I’d be spending a lot more time with Thomas and a lot less time here because today had clearly demonstrated my inability to behave myself. But if she did...I resolved to ask first thing in the morning.

I stared at the ceiling and tried to shut my brain off long enough to sleep. My stomach was in knots, my head was a jumbled mess, and my heart was racing. I hoped that closing my eyes might help, but I just kept flashing back on images from the day. Eventually, I settled for allowing my thoughts to drift into a wonderful little fantasy about what might have happened if I’d let myself kiss her. I could imagine the taste of coffee on her lips, how they would feel under my own. Did she still have that tongue piercing? I hadn’t noticed it, but in my “what-if” she did when our tongues met. One thing led to another and before I knew it, she had led me to the bedroom where we slowly undressed each other.

I’m not proud to admit that I touched myself at the thought of her sprawled naked on the bed, her sweet voice urging me on. I imagined her face flushed with pleasure, those baby blue eyes full of need and a carefree smile stretched across her parted lips. I came without warning, sudden and hot, and slumped back against the bed.

I’d succeeded in taking the edge off of my burning libido (at least for the moment) and waited for my brain to regain control and talk some sense into me. After several minutes with no improvement in my interest in pursuing Molly, I had to acknowledge that these were genuine feelings, not just my omnipresent sex drive warping my mind. I renewed my resolve to discuss the situation with her as soon as I saw her and fell into a peaceful sleep.

Molly was gone in the morning and didn't get home until dinner time, which is just as well because my resolve crumbled in the light of day. It wasn’t that I wasn’t curious about her feelings, or that I had a change of heart about wanting to pursue a relationship with Molly (even if my mind still shrieked in protest that I was even considering it.) It was just…what if she wasn’t interested? Sure, she’d expressed interest in the past but it’s not like I was some prize catch that couldn’t be beat. I was a 40-year-old homeless single father who’s biggest hobbies were reading and playing tabletop RPGs and I had so much emotional baggage it needed its own storage unit. Any girl in their right mind would run screaming at the mere prospect.

I could handle rejection well enough, I think. I certainly had plenty of experience with it. But what would it do to our friendship? Would Molly be awkward around me? Or angry that I’d waited until she was no longer interested to fall for her? I had precious few friends left who didn't look at me like I was a monster waiting to happen when they thought I wasn’t looking. Molly’s trust and friendship was a solid anchor that I desperately needed if I was ever going to pull together the flaming wreckage of my life and make it something vaguely recognizable as my own. 

So I sat at the kitchen island across from her, brooding into my empty can of Coke while a plate of gummy mashed potatoes, peas and an extra well-done turkey burger got cold in front of me. Normally this sort of behavior would have drawn a teasing comment or a lecture about wasting food, but Molly seemed too lost in her own world to notice. It looked like she hadn't slept well if she'd slept at all, and her usual sunshine was diminished to a dour grey stare. It was so unusual that it brought me out of my stupor. I spent a few minutes just watching her stare off into space before her gaze slid over to mine, as though seeing me for the first time.

“Sorry, did you say something?” She asked.

“No, just uh, just-“ _Taking an opportunity to stare at your face like a creep instead of actually asking if you’re okay_. “Just thinking that you look like hell.”

“What a charmer.” A wan smile crept across her face. “I feel like hell. Had a rough night followed by a rough day.” 

“Drank too much?” I suggested lightly. I doubted that was it since she’d seemed more or less sober by the time she fled upstairs but she sure looked hungover.

She shook her head. “Work sucked. And I had nightmares, most of the night. The kind that don’t let you go even when you wake up, y’know?”

“Literally or figuratively?” I asked with a grunt.

“Figuratively.” Her smile grew a bit more, color slowly returning to her face. “But still rough.”

“You should have woken me up.”

“Oh yeah, just knock on your door and crawl into bed with you because I had a bad dream?” She joked. I tried to take a sip of Coke to hide my embarrassment at the thought of how much I’d have enjoyed that, realized that my can was still empty and moved to rectify the situation.

“All I’m saying is I have it on very good authority that I’m excellent at chasing away nightmares,” I told her, handing her a new can while I was up.

She laughed lightly. “Highly recommended by the finest 10-year-olds, huh?” She guessed, and I winked back at her. “Well if Maggie recommends you, I’ll have to keep you in mind next time.”

We fell back into silence, but it wasn’t as tense now. I coated my burger in ketchup which made it slightly more palatable. I tried to think of how to broach the topic of Molly’s feelings, but everything sounded weird in my head. And, of course, the one time I needed my stupid mouth to work it stubbornly refused. When we desperately need to shut up so we don’t die, it’ll spout off insults and nonsense like it’s going out of style, but the second I need to actually communicate openly with another person I might as well be mute.

Molly took the plate of half-eaten, ice-cold potatoes and peas from me and scraped it into the garbage. I protested but she pointed out that I’d just been pushing them around my plate for five minutes and she’d been around enough ‘other children’ to know what that meant. “Thank you again, for last night.” She told me, over the sound of the sink running as she washed the dishes. She had a dishwasher but more often than not she did them by hand.

“Well, I didn’t actually get you anything for your birthday, so taking you out is the least I could do.”

“I sort of made you though. I mean, not that you _had_ to but…sorry for dragging you out.”

“Bah. I’m glad you did. I had a great time.” I paused, then added. “It’s always nice, spending time with you. You should tell me I’m taking you out more often.”

“Be careful what you wish for. You take a girl out too often, people will start to get the wrong idea.” She said, a playful reproach.

“Never cared much what other people thought. Too old to start now.” I mused. I’m not sure if I was answering her so much as reassuring myself.

“Pshh. Yeah, okay.” She snorted.

“Don’t you scoff at me. What are you pshhing over there?”

Molly turned to give me a flat look, one eyebrow arched. “Yeah, you don’t ever care what people think. Big old tough Harry Dresden.”

“I don’t!” I protested. “I live my life by my own standards and I don’t give a rats ass what other people have to say about it.” She continued staring with the same expression, as though I hadn’t even talked. The ‘really?’ was heavily implied. “Well come on, I’m not exactly Mr. Popular, am I?”

“Because you don’t care what people think?” She rolled her eyes. “Please. You’re the only person I know who cares more about what other people think than me. Or do you wear that duster because it's comfortable?”

“It’s bulletproof. I'm not.”

“And you couldn't work the same spells into a normal jacket or shirt becaaaaause…?” I glared at her and she grinned back. “You wear it because it looks cool. Because you like to project this badass, urban cowboy image. You want people to think you’re dangerous and mysterious and suave. You might not care if people like you, but you definitely care what people think of you.”

I glared for a moment longer but Molly was Charity’s daughter and she was clearly unimpressed. I slumped. “Maybe a little.” I begrudgingly admitted. “Not as much as I did when I was younger but, yeah. Still, why would I care if people thought we were out on a date?”

“Uh?” She stood stock-still, almost like she was paralyzed. 

“I just mean that's only embarrassing for one of us, right? You’re young and attractive. There's not really any downside for me if people assume we're together.” My mouth was running on autopilot, just jabbering away without paying any attention to what it was spewing forth. “I mean if anything it might help my image. People would assume there must be more to me than meets the eye to land someone so far out of my league. They'd think I was rich.”

Molly recovered enough from her shock to laugh. “You wouldn’t have to be rich. You’re ruggedly handsome. Chicks dig scars, you know.” She gave me an appraising look. “Or maybe they'd just think you were really good in the sack.”

I sputtered. “Beg pardon?”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Older guys bring experience to the table. Why mess around with boys your own age when you could be with a real man?” She caught my eyes for just a moment before looking away, a touch of color at her cheeks. “At least that's what I would think if I saw the two of us out somewhere together.”

“Is that what you think?” I asked lightly. “That I'm,” I cleared my throat “Good in the sack?”

“Maybe.” She chewed on her bottom lip, still not looking at me. “Are you?”

“Maybe. Are you asking for a test drive?” I should have been embarrassed, but I suddenly wasn’t. She looked up in surprise, her mouth working wordlessly for a few seconds. 

“You really shouldn't joke like that.” She finally said, her voice sounding too weary for someone so young. “I know you don't mean anything by it but…”

I locked eyes with her. When I spoke my voice came out low and a touch rough. “What if I did?”

“Come on, Harry. We both know you don’t.”

I could tell she was irritated but I refused to back down. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.”

“This really isn't funny.” She threw her dishtowel on the counter and stalked out of the kitchen. I caught her arm as she passed, standing to follow her, but she yanked herself out of my grip. “Let go of me. I'm not in the mood for your games.” Her voice sounded frantic, a key off-balanced and it immediately put me on the defensive. 

“My games?” I asked. “Molly, I don't-“

“Oh don't play dumb. You've been toying with me for days now.” She snapped. “You know, I get that you don't want me, that _this_ ,” she gestured between us “is ‘never going to happen’. I've made my peace with that. But you don't have to rub it in my face!”

“Rub it in your face?” I asked, bewildered. “Yesterday you were coming on to me like a cat in heat. I'm not allowed to take the bait?”

She growled in frustration, the sound not quite human, and pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes. Pale blonde hair fell between her fingers, obscuring her face. “No. I don’t…I don’t know. I'm just, I haven't slept and I can't think straight. You're confusing. I want- but I don't- you don’t – and then, if I-“

My chest tightened and I forced myself to breathe through it. Great, I'd sent her into a panic attack. Way to go, Dresden. “It's okay, Grasshopper. Deep breaths.” I wanted nothing more than to pull her close, hug her tight and make it all go away, but I thought better of it. “Count with me. One. Two. Three.” I got up to ten and started again, and that time she counted with me. After a few repetitions, she was back to normal breathing and some of the tension had left her body. “I'm so sorry, Molly. I thought-“

She waved a tired hand, cutting me off. “’Ssfine. Please don't. I don't want to talk about it.”

“But if I'm upsetting you, you should tell me.” I forced a small smile, trying to get one out of her. “You know I'm an idiot. I can't be expected to know when I'm-“

“Harry. Please.” She sounded impossibly young and hurt, and tired. I nodded. 

“Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't realize…I should probably just go, right?”

“Yes.” I tried really hard to ignore the tears in her voice. Because if I heard them I'm not sure I would have survived. A thousand shards of cold iron couldn't hurt me nearly as much as it hurt to hear her upset and to know that it was my fault. I nodded again and started to walk away but she grabbed my arm. “But don't.” I looked down and saw her too-pale eyes, wet and wide. “It’s been a long day. I don’t want to be alone. Can you just…please stay.”

“Of course. If that’s what you want.” I pushed a strand of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear, and tried to summon up a paternal, mentor-appropriate expression of support and reassurance. “Besides, we only watched the first two movies yesterday. I have to stick around to see what happens.” That managed to garner a small smile from Molly. She squeezed my arm just once before letting me go. While she got the movie set up, I excused myself to the restroom and once the door was closed and locked allowed myself a few minutes to breakdown, freak out and then try to puzzle through what the hell that had all meant.

After going over everything she’d said five or six times, I still wasn’t any closer to understanding. She didn’t want me to flirt because she thought I was teasing. Wasn’t that the whole point of flirting? She’d ‘made peace’ about us. So maybe she had moved on. But if so, why get so upset? In hindsight, yes, I know. But in my defense, I’m a guy. We’re not good at these things at the best of times, and I’m exceptionally terrible at them. I splashed some water on my face, practiced a smile that seemed reassuring and non-threatening a few times, plastered that on and then joined Molly in the living room.

She was on the couch, curled up in the same spot she’d started the day before, but with the addition of a blanket. It looked impossibly soft and warm. I was fairly sure that Molly had no greater need for warmth than me. If anything she could probably stand wet and naked in a blizzard and still be comfortable. I forced the thought out of my head before I could picture it fully. It was a comfort thing, then. I could understand that. After a moment’s indecision, I decided to sit in one of the armchairs instead of the couch, turning it so that I could still see the TV.

“You don’t have to sit by yourself. I won’t spontaneously break down if I’m near you.” Molly said quietly. She pressed a button on the remote and the movie started.

“I thought you might want some space,” I told her, truthfully. I omitted the part where I also thought I might need space in order to curb my own behavior.

She made a thoughtful noise, quirking her lips into a small frown. “It’s probably for the best.” She finally said, nodding. I tried not to let the disappointment show on my face. There was an extremely awkward silence between us, the kind that sets your teeth on edge. Even with Star Wars going, it felt too quiet, the pressure building to a high-pitched whine against my eardrums.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to break that silence when Molly said “Harry.” I turned to look at her fully and she nodded toward the TV, a faintly amused expression on her face. The picture was distorted slightly and, as it turned out, the whining noise was coming from its speakers. Oh. Oops. She huffed a short laugh. “Maybe you should come sit on the couch after all. It looks like the chair is too close and I don't want to buy another TV.”

“I could move the chair. I don't-“

“Just sit on the damn sofa, Boss.” Her tone was friendly but it had the hard edge of a command. I acquiesced, sitting on the far side of the couch from her as I had the night before. The sound returned to normal after a minute or two. The picture was slightly skewed but watchable. “Better?” She asked quietly. 

“Looks it.” I fiddled with my hands and stared straight ahead.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have – please, just let me finish-“ She added when I opened my mouth to object. “I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm exhausted and every time I get done one mission, five more crop up. Thanks, Maeve you useless bitch.” She ran one hand through her hair in frustration, exhaling sharply. “I know you don't mean anything by…you know. The way we've been…and I'm at least as guilty. You can't grab a knife by the blade and be upset when you bleed. I'm just dealing with too much right now. Please don't take it personally.”

I glanced over at her. “I have to tell you, it's hard not to take it a little personally. Telling me I'm playing games? That felt really personal.”

“I know. I know. It’s this damn mantle. It twists my thoughts, you know? When I'm calm it’s easy to ignore it but when I get upset.” She shrugged helplessly. 

“Yeah, I know how that goes,” I muttered. I took a deep breath. “But you should know, you're wrong. I haven't been trying to hurt you, I never would, but I haven't been joking either.”

“I know. I can feel it. Just like me, your mantle-“

“No.” It came out harsh and too loud for the small distance between us. I forced myself to calm down. “No, Molly, I don't mean my mantle. I mean, me. If it was just my mantle I'd ignore it but.” I met her eyes. “It’s me.”

Molly and I were both quiet for a long time in the wake of that confession. She didn’t laugh, which seemed like a good sign. And she wasn’t screaming or throwing things. But she was very still, like a statue, and she wasn't smiling either. Eventually, she looked away. “I see. So, that explains some things. That's just-“ She laughed a bitter laugh. “Amazing sense of timing. That's.” She looked heavenward. “Really funny. Great sense of humor. Look at me laughing.”

“I'm not sure anyone up there had anything to do with this,” I told her, steeling myself because I was growing certain that I wouldn't like what she had to say.

“Old habits I guess. I've had people telling me ‘He’s got a plan for you’ my entire life. Sometimes things come together in just the right way that makes me think, He does, and that plan is to torture me for all eternity.”

Yeah. That didn't bode well for my prospects with her. “I'm not sure, but I think the Winter Lady is probably outside of His jurisdiction.” I thought about reaching for her hand but thought better of it. This was not a conversation that would improve with physical contact, apparently. “I shouldn't have said anything. I don't mean to contribute to your torture.”

“God, Harry, no. I.” Her face was contorted in pain. “Damn it. I just can't.”

“I understand,” I told her with a calm I didn’t feel.

She gritted her teeth. “No, you don't. It’s not you. I want…so much. I just. I can't. Being the Winter Lady…” She kept starting and ending sentences like she couldn't find the words for what she was trying to say. “I’m so sorry Harry. I can't.”

“Right. Sure.” I nodded, staring at the television which had started to smoke. That wasn't good. It shouldn't be doing that.

“I hate this.” She whispered, hugging herself, white-knuckled fingers digging into her own arms. “This is too much. It's too much to ask.”

“I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.” I replied, numb.

“Not you,” Molly said hastily. “The mantle. Winter. Everything. It’s just way too much.”

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked. She started to shake her head then stopped and started chewing on her bottom lip, watching me hesitantly. I answered the unspoken question. “Anything at all.”

She spoke so softly I barely heard her. “Will you hold me, like you did last night?”

I couldn't think of anything that would hurt worse in that moment than holding her, except perhaps saying no and making it worse. Not trusting my voice, I nodded and lifted my arm, gesturing for her. Her face was equal parts relief and agony, but she hurried over like she was afraid I'd change my mind. She pulled the blanket after her and I can confirm, it was every bit as impossibly soft as it looked. It was strange. Having her so close and knowing she wasn’t mine should have hurt. Feeling her head on my chest, my arm around the bare skin of her shoulders, drinking in the scent of her, I'd expected it to be bitter or at least bittersweet, but it wasn't. It felt soothing and warm, like a hot stone massage for the soul.

“Are you comfortable?” I asked, running my fingers through her hair on reflex. She didn’t seem to mind.

“Too comfortable.” She yawned in emphasis. “Why are you so warm?”

“I don't know. Am I?” Karrin used to complain that I was too cold. Since I didn't really feel the chill anymore, I'd often be underdressed which made me cool to the touch.

Molly snuggled down closer to me. “Yes. You're like an electric blanket. I didn’t even realize I was cold until I came over here.”

“You feel hot.”

She looked up at me with a smile. “Oh do I?” I blushed and then we both winced. “Sorry, force of habit with you.”

“Yes, you do,” I said, forcing a smile and ignoring the awkwardness. “I was thinking the same thing – you’re so warm. It’s nice.”

She sighed. “It really is. If I stay like this for too long I’m going to fall asleep.”

“Then do it. I’ll wake you up when the movie’s over.”

“But I want to see if Vader manages to convince Luke to join the dark side.” She stretched out, taking up most of the couch. “If I fall asleep I’ll never know what happens.”

“Vader becomes a good guy and then he takes Luke and Leia out for ice cream to make up for years of being an absent father,” I told her, matter-of-factly. She giggled.

“See, I can’t miss that.” She lay one hand against my chest, just over my heart. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Meaning what you said. Staying.” She yawned again and closed her eyes. “I wish we could do this all the time.”

“We could.” I offered quietly.

“Yeah. But we can’t.” She mumbled sleepily. “I’d have to try. And I couldn’t stand it if I hurt you like that.”

She wasn't entirely making sense but I thought I understood well enough. If we let this happen it would change everything between us, and if it didn't work out, it would be hard. We wouldn't be able to come back from it. I shook my head. “I understand the risks, Molls. It could happen. But some things are worth trying.”

Her brow furrowed, eyes shut a little tighter. “Worth it. But I can't. Can’t hurt...Harry…” Her voice trailed off, her breathing slowing down.

“Sleep well,” I whispered, gently kissing the top of her head. “You've earned the rest.”

I turned off the TV (gingerly pressing the power button and hoping that I didn't electrocute either of us in the process) and grabbed a paperback that I’d conveniently left on the side table a few days prior. I don't know how long I sat there with her softly snoring beside me but eventually my eyelids started to grow heavy. I thought about going to bed, but I didn't want to disturb her. After the third time the book almost fell from my hands, my chin dipping into my chest, I decided maybe I should put it aside and resign myself to catching a few Zs. No sooner did I have the thought than I was out like a light. 


	4. Chapter 4

I woke feeling disoriented and groggy in total darkness. Lightning flashed outside, bright enough to show through the thick curtains in the living room, and the thunderclap that followed was so loud it made me jump. I felt cold and it took a slow moment for me to realize why that was strange. Molly was no longer stretched out on the couch. I assumed she'd gone to bed (and, I lamented, taken her fluffy blanket with her) until I heard a soft sound from somewhere nearby, like a short gasp of breath.

As my eyes adjusted I scanned the room and found the source of the noise. Molly was sitting in one of the armchairs, her knees drawn to her chest under the blanket and her head buried between them. Even without hearing her, I'd have known she was crying from the way her shoulders shook. “Grasshopper?” I said softly. She jumped, immediately drawing power to her for a second before relaxing. Damn, her reflexes were quick. “Sorry, just me. Everything okay?”

Her voice was choked with tears and wavered but she tried to sound cheerful. “Oh, yeah. Everything's fine Harry. Go back to sleep.”

“I'm not too good with emotional stuff, but it doesn’t sound like everything's fine to me.” I reached for the lamp on the side table and it clicked uselessly.

“Storm knocked the power out.” She told me. “I should really buy a generator before the snow starts.”

“Kids these days, so reliant on your technology. _Flickum Bicus_.” I waved my hand around the room and several candles jumped to life, as well as the fireplace. In the light, her eyes glittered as she watched me, anguish written clear as day across a tear-stained face. “More nightmares? Or is this…”

“Dreams.” Molly gave a small nod. “Sometimes worse than nightmares, once you wake up.”

“You should have-“

“Woken you,” She finished with a trace of a smile at her lips. “I know. But I’m… I’ll be okay.”

“Almost lied there, huh?” I said around a yawn. “Want to talk about it?”

She thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. “No.”

“Might help,” I suggested mildly.

“Pretty much pointless to try to talk about most of my issues.” The flames from the fireplace danced in her eyes as she stared toward it and that reflection was the most lively thing about her. Her voice was bitter and cold, almost physically painful to hear. “I can’t do anything to fix them.” Her lips curled in a humorless smile. “Well, I could. But not without potentially breaking reality as we know it.”

Somehow I didn’t think she was exaggerating or being overly dramatic. If she wanted to there were a whole host of things she could do that could disrupt the very laws of nature. I suppressed a shudder at the thought of how much power she truly wielded and wondered exactly what she thought needed to be done to fix what was bothering her. “Who cares? This reality sucks anyway.” I shrugged, trying to at least get her to smile. She didn't but she rolled her eyes, which I took as a step in the right direction.

“Unfortunately my family and stuff is in this one, so I think I'll try to keep it intact.” She flopped her head back, staring at the ceiling and groaned. “I'm exhausted.”

“If only there were a simple solution to that problem. Like, maybe, going to bed?”

“I think this is beyond what sleep can fix. Plus, I only need to sleep like, three hours a week? I don't know, I haven't tested it fully yet.” She rubbed at her forehead.

I grunted. “You know, when I first got the mantle I realized I could push myself harder, faster. I’m physically stronger and more resilient. Hits that should land me in the hospital barely even phase me. Having that power felt…good. Really good. Like I was invincible.”

“Even when you were getting the shit kicked out of you by an army of pixies?” Molly asked wryly. “Because you looked pretty damn vincible at the time, Boss.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m eternally in your debt, I get it. Look, could you just let me get to my point here?”

Her face fell, expression cold as stone. “You’re not indebted to me, but continue.”

“Right.” Note to self: no matter how casual the conversation, do not indicate that you owe a favor to the Winter Lady, even if she is your former apprentice. “Well, that’s sort of my point though. I was on top of the world until I got twice my daily recommended dose of cold iron and my mantle shut off for a while. At which point I realized there’s a big difference between _not_ getting injured and not _feeling_ like you're injured.”

“Shouldn't have been a shock to you. You solved one Knight’s murder and axed another one to take his position. Not exactly something that happens to invincible beings.”

“Technically I knifed him, but that's not the point.” I waved my hand and tried not to think of Lloyd Slate and how easily I could slip up and meet the same fate. “The point is, these mantles are powerful but under it all, you still have your own body. Just because you don't _feel_ the need to sleep, doesn’t mean you don't need it. And even if you don’t _have_ to sleep, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”

That gave her pause. “I guess you could be right. It’s an interesting theory, to say the least.” She frowned pensively. “But even so, I just can’t sleep. I’ve got too much on my mind. I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours until I give up and go do something useful.”

“You fell asleep pretty quickly earlier. I think you were asleep before you finished talking.”

“Heh. Yeah, well I think that had something to do with how comfortable you are to lay on.” A ghost of a smile lifted her cheeks. 

I patted the couch next to me. “Then come back over here and fall back to sleep.”

“Thank you, but I think you should probably go to bed yourself. It can't be comfortable to sleep sitting up like that and you look pretty tired.”

“I feel fine,” I said with another yawn.

“Just because you don't feel the pain…” She started and we both smiled.

“Okay, fine. But you know me, I can’t leave a crying damsel without offering my aid. Just come lay down for a while. If I start to get uncomfortable, I’ll wake you up and we’ll go to bed.” I patted the seat next to me again.

She opened her mouth then closed it again. Frowned and looked at me pensively. Opened her mouth again. Sighed. Moistened her lips with a far-off stare, like she was calculating something. Then, staring at a point somewhere in the vicinity of my chest and refusing to look any closer to my face she said “Or we could just go to bed now. Together.” My mouth went dry and my jeans were suddenly a bit too restricting. Even in the muted light from the fire, I could see her cheeks were bright red and I had to resist the urge to laugh with sheer delight at how absolutely adorable she looked. “Just to sleep!” She added quickly. “No nude, adult-type activities. Just…just…” I could hear the tears trying to fight their way out again.

“I get it, Molls.” My own voice was raw with emotion. I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t hoping there’d be nude adult-type activities (although, stars and stones, I had to judge myself for that – if she won’t even say ‘sex’ in a sentence is she really mature enough to be having it? On the other hand, who was I to judge?) and I was a little disappointed by her clarification. But more than that it all hurt. Her pain. Her desperation. It had cost her something to even ask. I could see that. And I understood. It felt like a lifetime had passed since the last time I’d slept next to someone, since I’d felt the warmth and companionship of another person beside me. It was the kind of thing that was easy to take for granted when you had it every night but, in its absence…yeah. I got it.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to say yes. It’s not fair for me to ask-“

“Molly.” I stood up, looming over the chair until she looked up at me. “I understand. I’m saying yes. Let’s go to sleep.” I held my hand out to help her up. It wasn’t necessary of course. She moved with a flawless grace, like she was sure of her every movement. But she took my hand anyway and kept hold of it even after she was standing, leading me out into the hall and up the stairs. We didn’t speak the entire way up. My stomach fluttered with nerves and a faint anticipation, even though I told myself firmly that nothing was going to happen. I vowed to myself that I wasn’t going to make any moves. Molly needed a friend, right now. She wasn’t looking for a lover. She’d made that clear several times today. Although it was hard not to notice that she looked at least as nervous as I felt.

Her bedroom looked completely different from the rest of the house. It had a modern yet comfortable aesthetic. The walls were a pale blue and all of her furniture was dark wood. It was a sizeable room, larger than the entirety of my old apartment, and her bed still took up a good third of it. It was richly appointed, with enough pillows for a small harem and a thick comforter that looked like even words like ‘lush’ and ‘decadent’ wouldn’t do it justice. There was an ornate headboard with an elaborate forest scene carved into it, with a distinct east-Asian vibe. The wall along the door was lined with several tall dressers, with matching Asian designs, and a gorgeous vanity with a mirror that folded down when not in use. An oversized chair sat in a corner near the window and I noted that you could see the light on the Carpenters’ porch from it if you were so inclined. A small bookshelf, sparsely populated, was on the other side of the window. Nightstands, complete with lamps, were placed on each side of the bed. From the soft electronic glow of her charging cell phone, I assumed she normally slept on the side closest to the window.

“Soooo. This is my room.” She said awkwardly. “And now that we’re here this feels a whole lot weirder than I thought it would be in my head. Is this weird?”

“Less than a year ago I found out I was pregnant in my brain while trying to help evil incarnate break into the vault of the Lord of the Underworld, so I think my baseline for weird is probably pretty far off from normal.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “If this is going to make you uncomfortable, or you’re having second thoughts…”

“No!” She replied quickly. “Nope. But I mean, if you don’t want to or if it’s too weird or whatever, I mean, sharing a bed with a fairy queen…”

“Like I said, I’ve got a pretty high weird tolerance after the last few years. Sleeping next to a beautiful woman? If anything, that might be too normal for me. I’m not used to it. I won’t know what to do.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, dork.” She said, ducking her head quickly into the closet for reasons that I’m sure had nothing to do with how hard she started smiling when I said ‘beautiful’. The closet took up most of the unoccupied wall by itself, leaving just enough room for the door to the adjoining bathroom, and she rummaged around for a few seconds before coming out with a large black backpack and handing it to me.

I raised an eyebrow. “Uh, maybe not. What’s this?”

“It’s sort of an emergency kit I put together in case, well, in case of an emergency.” When I continued to stare dumbfounded at her she added. “It’s got two different sets of clothes, including pajamas, in case you didn't want to sleep in your jeans. I figured it was easier than going downstairs.”

“Oh, right. Thanks. That’s…really thoughtful.” It felt like it was probably heavy, although it was hard for me to gauge since I was bench pressing the equivalent of a semi now. “And clever. You just had this prepped for me? Just in case?”

“I made up a few for you, a few for me and at least one for anyone else I thought might be with us in a worst-case scenario.” Molly shrugged, like it was nothing, and started opening drawers and rummaging around. “You taught me to always have a bag packed with the essentials, I just thought it wouldn’t hurt to do the packing ahead of time for everyone else.” She flashed a grin at me over one shoulder. “Not everyone has had such a great teacher, y’know. They might not be as prepared.”

It shouldn’t have hurt, but it did. I had tried to teach her a lot of things, and a healthy paranoia was one of them, but I wished I hadn’t needed to. We hadn’t had an ideal learning environment for her, with the constant looming threat of the war with the Red Court, the Doom hanging over us both, and the several major, borderline cataclysmic events that had become a semi-annual occurrence in my life. On the other hand, maybe if I’d taught her to be a little _more_ paranoid and concerned for her own wellbeing, she wouldn’t be the Winter Lady right now. “You never stop making me proud, Grasshopper.”

“…I’m just doing my best to do what you taught me.” She said after a moment’s hesitation. “If you want to go change, the bathroom is right through there, which of course you can see, so I don't know why I said it. I'm just going to shut up now before I make myself look any dumber.”

I slung the backpack over one shoulder, heading for the bathroom. “Well, you definitely didn’t learn _that_ from me,” I said as I closed the door. Molly snorted.

As it turned out, the emergency backpack she’d packed was _very_ thorough. It had supplies for most mundane emergencies – a road flare, cash and coinage in a variety of denominations and currencies, a standard first aid kit, a tourniquet, ace bandages, a bottle of aspirin, a box of matches, a flashlight, a small bottle of bourbon, a box cutter, rope, enough k-rations to last a week or two and several bottles of water, plus a canteen with a built-in filter - basically anything and everything you could possibly need if you had to survive wounded and without any other supplies in virtually any environment.

In addition to all that, she’d also included some less common survival items, like a carton of salt, a box of chalk, a few chunks of iron that I assumed were once railroad ties that had been sharpened to needle-fine points, a length of silver chain, a fake ID and a few other common spell reagents.

I stripped down to my boxers and surveyed my clothing options. The clothes were folded up inside a sealed zip-top bag. I pulled out a pair of flannel pants with a grey and red pattern and changed into them. They were a little short but otherwise fit comfortably. I debated on whether or not to wear a shirt until I caught sight of my collection of scars in the bathroom mirror and quickly decided to pull on one of the sleeveless undershirts she'd packed. No sense in scarring her with the mess of sword, knife and claw marks, not to mention bullet wounds. As I was putting everything back in the bag I noticed a spot of purple fabric, and on closer inspection, discovered it was a small cotton dress. A little more digging turned up two whole sets of clothes for a little girl in addition to my own. For Maggie.

“Just leave the bag there and I'll get it all repacked,” Molly said as I opened the door. She had changed into a grey tank top and matching yoga pants. Her back was to me and her hands were occupied with putting her hair up into a ponytail. “If you want to throw your clothes in the hamper I'll put them in with-Oh!” In two strides I was across the room and I had my arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her close to me. For a moment she was tense, her spine rigid as a board, but she gradually relaxed, bringing her hands up to rest over mine. “You okay, Boss?”

“You packed clothes for Maggie.” I was moved to tears. Not only had Molly gone out of her way to think of me, to make this bag for me to survive in case of an emergency. She had thought of my daughter as well, knowing that if I was on the run, chances are I’d take Maggie with me. I still wasn’t used to being a dad. It was my favorite job but it still seemed…unbelievable. I mean, who would give me a _kid_? So I wasn’t used to thinking of myself in those terms and I definitely wasn’t used to other people thinking of me in those terms. The fact that Molly would think of Maggie and her comfort as well as mine stirred feelings in me that I couldn't quite place. I felt paternal and proud and I was surprised to find it made me want her even more than I had before.

“I know she probably won't need it, especially because mom and dad have their own supplies packed but I figured,” she shrugged. “She might be with you. It didn't take up that much space.” Her tone turned wry. “Plus, she's a pretty cool kid. I wanted to make sure she was taken care of.”

I held her tighter. “You don't know how much that means to me.” I murmured, my face buried in her hair. 

“Actually,” she said, twisting and turning around until she stood facing me, my arms around her shoulders and hers placed gently at my waist. “I think I do. At least a little bit. You've always kept my family safe, even when I couldn't. It's not really anything to return the favor.”

“It’s a big something, Molly.” I looked down into her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Ah well, maybe you'll do something nice for me someday.” She glanced meaningfully at the bed. “Or some night.”

“I think that could be arranged,” I said with a smile, biting off any additional comments about how eager I was to do nice things for her all night if that's what she wanted. Sleep. We were here to sleep. Nothing more. I repeated it over and over in my head. 

“You're sure you're okay with this?” She asked, breaking away and turning down the blanket.

“I wouldn't be standing here if I wasn’t,” I replied. She took a deep breath and I noticed her hands were trembling slightly. “Are you sure _you're_ okay with this?” I asked.

I expected her to deflect or tell me she was fine again, but she answered honestly. “A bit nervous. I'm not sure this is a good idea, given our history and everything between us.”

“It'll be fine, Molls. We're just going to sleep.” Then, after thinking for a moment I felt the need to add. “I won't try anything.”

She smiled. “I know you won't, Harry.” She paused, halfway into bed, and glanced at me. “Just in case, if things start to get too…if it looks like we're headed somewhere other than sleep, promise me you'll leave.”

“I'll promise you that's not going to happen but-“

“You can't promise that.” Her voice was firm, touched with an air of command that hadn't been there before she'd become the Lady. “You're not in complete control of this situation. Just promise you'll go if either of us starts to get out of hand.”

I wanted to argue but thought better of it. It hurt that she didn't trust me without a promise, but she was probably right. I didn't have as much control as I'd like where she was concerned, and we'd done a tango that proved it. “Yeah, okay. I swear I’ll go downstairs if things start to get to be…too much tonight.” I watched her finish climbing under the covers. “But you promise me something in return.”

Two very pale eyes, like moonlight on snow, narrowed at me. It triggered the part of my brain responsible for a flight or fight response and I had to stand my ground to convince myself that neither need happen. Cautiously she said, “Name your terms.”

“Promise me you'll try to relax and sleep, that if you wake up and you need me, you'll wake me up. “

“I always-“ She started then stopped, blushing. I really wanted her to finish that sentence. “You’re ridiculous, do you know that? Fine, I accept your bargain. I promise.” Her words had a weight to them, like a lock slamming shut on a prison door. My skin tingled as the weight settled over me and Molly laughed lightly. “What, did you forget what I am? Promises mean a little something more to me now.”

“You lured me in.” Cold fury gripped my heart, and panic lingered just under it. “You asked me to promise.”

“Relax, Harry.” She said, soft and soothing like she was talking to a screaming toddler. “I'm sorry, I wasn’t trying to trap you. I agree to abide by the letter and the spirit of our bargain and to act in utmost good faith. Honestly, I just assumed you'd never let your guard down around me enough to agree to a deal without understanding the gravity.”

“After today? You really think I don't let my guard down around you?” I asked, my voice quiet as I tried to sort my thoughts.

She spread her hands in a helpless gesture. “I can't help what I am, Harry. I'm the Winter Lady. Just because you don't see it, doesn’t mean things haven't changed. I can't turn it off. It's part of me.”

“I know. Just give me a minute. You're right. I shouldn’t have been surprised.” I counted to ten until my heart rate slowed down, then slid into bed after her. The blanket was every bit as soft and lush as it looked, and the sheets were smooth silk. My head just sank into the pillows and I actually groaned at how comfortable I was. I stretched out, waiting for my toes to encounter the footboard but they never did. I looked down and found there was still a good foot of mattress beyond. “I'm not sure I can keep my promise, Grasshopper. I don't know if I'll ever be able to drag myself out of this bed for any reason. And I kind of want to do indecent things to it.”

She laughed and rolled onto her side to look at me. “I may have overindulged myself when I had the bed designed.”

“Designed?”

“Yeah, it's been built to my specifications. Custom mattress and everything.”

“That sounds expensive,” I noted

“Sometimes it's good to be Queen,” she replied with a lazy smile, stretching herself like a cat. It did interesting things to her breasts, which were barely contained by her tank top anyway, and I couldn’t help staring. “You’re drooling.”

I looked away guiltily and she laughed again. Well as long as we were teasing…”So you custom-built a bed that’s what, 8 and a half feet long?”

“Svartalves work in metric, but pretty close, yeah, why?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Seems like an awful lot of space for someone who’s what, 5’11?”

Molly looked away from me. “I like to be able to stretch out.”

“You’d have to dislocate your limbs to need all of that space. Unless you were, say, 6’9, maybe?” I stretched again to prove my point. “Ah, comfortable. It’s almost like this bed was made for me.”

“You’re a jerk. Do you know that?” She hit me with a pillow. “It’s not, I mean, I didn’t, I mean, I _might_ have thought, but…I try to plan for every contingency. And some contingencies might have you in need of a bed. So it just makes sense for any bed I buy to, y’know, fit you.”

“Contingencies, huh?” I propped myself up on my elbows. “Is that what you kids are calling it these days?”

“I mean like if you needed medical attention or something. Somewhere to rest.” She hit me with the pillow again and I laughed.

“And if I did, would you nurse me back to health?”

“I think we both know from experience that I would.” She looked away again as she said it, staring at the foot of the bed. There was another awkward silence, which I was starting to think was just how all conversations between us were bound to end now. We lay on our sides facing each other but not making eye contact. I indulged in a few furtive glances at some of her more positive attributes and I caught her eyeing up the exposed muscles of my arm. I was never going to be a bodybuilder, but I’d been working out and had a little to show for my efforts. Certainly more than I’d had before. Molly seemed to appreciate it at the least and I appreciated her appreciating.

The awkward silence tension shifted subtly to a different kind of tension between us. She reached out, touching my bare skin, tracing the muscles with her fingers and it was like fire in my veins. I wanted her to keep touching, to feel her hands all over my body, her skin against mine. It took more willpower than I would have thought I had, just from that simple touch, to avoid retaliation. I gently took hold of her arm, stilling her, and she looked at me sharply. “We should probably go to sleep.” I didn't sound as sure of it when I said it out loud as I did in my head, drowning out the internal protests to the contrary.

“Mm.” It was an acknowledgment that she'd heard me but no more. Heedless of my grip on her, she slid her hand up my arm, along my shoulder, fingers trailing along my neck until she reached my face. I'm sure the stubble prickled her as she traced my jawline, but she didn't say anything. I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying her reverent touch despite myself. It was the wrong choice. When I opened them again I saw her face, open and pleading, her eyes dilated wide and the only thing that stopped me from kissing her right then and there was the tingle of my promise to her, still warm on my skin.

“Molly.” I used my mentor voice, the one that said ‘I'm disappointed’. “If this is a test of some kind, I'm not amused.”

“No test.” She stroked my cheek. “It's just I've imagined what it would be like to have you in my bed. Now that you're here, it would be a waste not to try, right?”

I groaned. I was tired, confused, and I was so wound up I was liable to cum if she even looked in that direction. “Wrong. Molls, you made me promise. Remember?”

“I know but, we could still try.” She started shifting her weight, moving toward me. “I was wrong.”

I scooted away slightly, rolling onto my back in the process. “I don't know what this is about, but if you don't stop right now I'm going downstairs.”

“Maybe I'll follow you. We didn't specify that you had to leave alone.”

I raised my hands to hold her off if need be. “Do you need another pitcher of ice water?”

Molly stopped in her tracks, the little color that existed draining from her face as she stared at me in horror. She slumped back onto her side of the bed. “Right. Lesson number one. I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid. I-“

“You’re not stupid. And...I think the time for lessons, especially lesson one, is past us.” I combed my fingers through my hair in frustration. “But I don't think tonight is the night to discuss that. Whatever else might be between us, you are a Queen of Faerie and I made you a promise. I'm not breaking that, no matter what I have to do to stop myself.”

“Thank you.” She said quietly. “I'm sorry, with the mantle it’s hard to control and-“

“I get it.” I cut her off, thankful for the blanket which hid the proof of exactly how much I understood. “No apologies necessary.”

“Some apologies necessary,” she argued, rolling onto her back as well. We both stared at the ceiling for a moment. “This was a bad idea. I knew it was a bad idea, and I did it anyway.”

“Hey, you're talking to the reigning king of bad ideas here. Wanting company? That's not one of them.”

“Maybe not if it was just someone. But you?” She shook her head. “This is so confusing.”

“ _You’re_ confused?” I laughed, a bit bitterly. “I’m drowning in mixed messages over here.” I glanced at her as she started to speak. “If you apologize one more time I’m going to, I don’t know, I can’t think straight enough to come up with a good threat.”

“It sounds like you’re thinking pretty straight to me.” She replied, trying for light humor but something in her voice missed the mark. “I won’t apologize if you don’t want me to, but it won’t stop me from feeling it. I’m not trying for mixed signals, it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain.”

I grunted. Yeah, I knew enough about that feeling. “Alright, it’s now passed from late o’clock into early morning, and we are both exhausted, frustrated and there’s enough angst between us to spawn an entire brood of whampires. Let’s just call it a night. We’re not getting anywhere at this rate.”

“We might have if you hadn’t threatened the ice water.” She muttered under her breath but loud enough for me to hear.

“Or if you hadn’t made me promise we wouldn’t,” I retorted. “and that’s not what I meant.”

“I know. I know. You’re right.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “So…how do you want to do this?”

We should have gone back to back or settled on either side of the bed separate from each other, but neither sounded appealing. Plus, I was pretty sure it was the human contact aspect of our cuddling on the couch that had helped her sleep. Instead, after a bit of trial and error, we both laid on our sides. Molly’s back pressed against my chest, my right arm was flung over her side, hand resting lightly against her abdomen. My heart was hammering in my chest at the closeness of her, the scent of her hair, sharp and sweet, enveloping me, and my only solace was that I could feel her own heavy breathing, the tension in her body matching my own.

“If you’re uncomfortable I can move,” I told her.

“God no.” She rested her arm over mine, pinning me against her. “Just kind of nervous, I guess.”

“No need to be nervous, Grasshopper.” I caught her hand with my own, twining my fingers up between hers. “I've got you. You can relax.”

“That's what I'm nervous about, dummy.” She replied, teasing. But she did relax a bit. I squeezed her hand and she squeezed it back. “This is weird. Right?”

“…Yeah.” It was, there was no denying it. Sometimes my life feels surreal (see aforementioned brain pregnancy, or being briefly dead for a while, or having an actual fairy godmother and a vampire half-brother) but intentionally crawling into bed and spooning with Molly Carpenter was one of the top five surreal moments. I mean, it was the sort of thing that made you question how you got there, pondering the strange turns that had taken you from “never” to “probably never” to “how long did I promise? Is that void at first light or since it’s technically after 1 A.M.…”

“But comfortable.” She added, a lingering question in her voice. 

“Yeah.” My own voice was a little too rough and my answer came out closer to a whisper than I'd have liked. “More comfortable than I've been…in months.”

“Since Murphy.”

“…Yeah, since Murphy.”

“Is this how you two used to sleep?” Her tone was too casual, and I smiled to myself. 

“No. Karrin always insisted on being the big spoon. Said she couldn't watch my back if I was behind her.” We both laughed.

“That must have been a sight to see. If you'd prefer, we can-“

“No.” I held her just a little tighter. “No, tonight I'm here to watch _your_ back.”

“As close as we are, I think it's more feeling than watching.” In emphasis, she scooted back and wiggled her entire body against me. I clenched my jaw to bite back the groan that threatened to escape as her delightfully soft yet perfectly firm ass rubbed against the unmistakable form of my erection. She let loose a small gasp of surprise followed by an appreciative hum. “I think maybe Murphy was missing out.” She settled against me, not moving but curled to the shape of me, her lower body pressed against mine as well now.

“I have no response to this situation. Nothing in my life has prepared me to deal with this.”

She laughed again, which caused a delightful amount of bouncing against me, and that groan that I’d bit back before came out to play. “Sorry,” She said, though she didn't sound it. “Relax, Harry. You don’t need to be embarrassed. These things happen.”

“I wonder what's on the other side of the Nevernever from here and if there's something there that will eat me.”

“Of course not, it's perfectly safe. I've made sure of it.”

“Damn your thorough planning.”

She squeezed my hand again. “Seriously, just chill out. I'm so comfortable, I don't even care. It’s only weird if you make it weird.”

By steps, I relaxed. It was still hard to think with her pressed none-too-gently against my member but she was right – this was insanely comfortable. It should have been weird but it felt really perfectly right. The same warmth that had radiated from her when we were on the couch filled me that night. The longer I lay there the more I wanted to just lay like this, sleeping and holding her (and doing a few other things with her that weren't going to happen tonight at the very least) and ignoring the world. 

“I was wrong earlier,” I told her through a sleepy haze. “I don't think I've ever been this comfortable.”

“Me neither.” She said with a yawn. “I'm glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” Molly drifted off first and I tried to stay up to be sure she stayed asleep. She stirred a few times but each time I just held her tighter and she settled down. Eventually my eyelids became too heavy and I joined her.


	5. Chapter 5

I was having the most pleasant dreams, in which Molly was prominently featured when I abruptly woke. I was laying on my back (I must have rolled over in my sleep) and a pair of cold, slightly damp lips were pressed against my temple. I mumbled something that my brain intended as “Molly?” but it came out unintelligible.

“Sorry.” She sounded panicked. “I didn’t want to but you made me promise and I tried calling your name a few times but it didn’t wake you up and I was worried that if I shook you you might think you were being attacked until you came to. I thought this would be better but…” She continued on for a little bit, nervous frantic rambling with too-wide eyes. My brain was too foggy to actively follow about half of what she was saying so I just sat up, blinking at her a few times until I could force synapses to fire well enough to get the idea – she’d had another bad dream, she’d woken up hysterical, she’d woken me up with a kiss to the forehead because she’d promised to wake me if she needed me and she needed me.

I grunted my understanding. “C’mere. Ss’aright.” I told her, hooking my left arm around her upper body, pulling her toward me. She let out an “Eep!” of surprise and squirmed until she was comfortably nestled under my arm instead of roughly squashed against my chest. “There you go. You’re alright.”

“No, I’m not.” She said, her voice trembling and watery. “I’m not okay, Harry. I tr-tr-try. But I’m not.” Molly huddled in against herself, shaking.

“You are. Or you will be.” I was awake and alert in an instant. “They’re just bad dreams, you’re safe here.”

“Bad dreams,” she spat. “Bad memories. Bad things. Bad me.” She devolved into sobs and shaking again and I just held her close, running one hand up and down her back.

“That’s not true. You’re a good person, Molly. I know. I’ve seen it.”

It took her a moment to recover and respond. When she did, her voice was empty and cold. “You don’t know me, Harry. Not really. Not anymore.”

“Maybe not as well as I used to, or as well as I thought I used to at least. But I’ve seen your soul, I’ve been in your head, and I think a decade of friendship might give me a little insight into your character.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done. What I do.”

“That’s true.” I conceded. “You don’t, or maybe can’t, talk about it. But I know where you come from. I know that you haven’t always done the right thing but you’ve always done it for the right reasons. I know you like to keep other people at an arm’s length but when you love you love with all your heart and you’ll do anything to keep your loved ones happy, healthy and safe. I know that if you _have_ done something you thought was wrong it was only because you felt you had no other choice. Or it was the best option available at the time.”

“How can you be so sure?” She looked up at me, terrified and vulnerable. I smiled gently.

“Who do you think you’re talking to, kid?” I smoothed her hair back from her brow. “I’ve been there. I’m still there. You and Maggie aren’t alone in the PTSD-induced nightmare club. I’ve seen horrible things, and I’ve done my share of them. There are things that I will never forgive myself for doing. Right, wrong, it doesn’t matter. I did them.”

“Not like this. Harry, if you knew…” She shook her head and clung to me.

“Did you break one of the Laws again?” I asked quietly. She shook her head. “Have you raped or tortured someone?” She shook her head. “Have you killed someone?” She didn’t respond. I sighed inwardly. Yeah, I assumed that might be what this was about. “Did they deserve it?”

“Does anyone deserve to die?” She whispered.

“Honestly? Yes. You want my list?” I shrugged. “Fine. Was it a bad guy, someone who would have hurt other people?”

“Heh,” Molly replied. “Some of them were, yeah.”

“Multiples then.” I wasn’t too surprised by that either. I could remember my first day on the job for team Winter and, yeah. It wasn’t the sort of place that leant itself toward not murdering your coworkers. “Well, that makes it easier, right?” She stared at me in horror. “The first one is the hardest. After that it just makes you feel like different shades of the same monster.”

“…yeah.”

“First time I killed someone in cold blood, it tore me up pretty bad.” I ran my hand through her hair. “Until a good friend of mine pointed out that I needed to talk about it. That he’d been doing this sort of thing a lot longer than me and he knew how it felt, like nothing would ever be right again, like you feel stained.” I could feel her start crying again and understood. “And then he asked me if I’d do it again if I had the chance to change it.”

After a long moment, she asked, “What did you tell him?”

“I said I’d do it twice as hard. And he said that was good. That meant I was doing what I believed was necessary, what I believed was right. Even if it hurt me to do it.” I hugged her to me. “What about you? Would you change what you’ve done?”

“I couldn’t, even if I wanted to.” She looked up at me. “I had to. Have to.”

“Then, as much as it hurts, as much as it feels like you’ll never get clean, you’re still a good person. And you can stop beating yourself up about it.”

Her brows drew down in consternation. “You don’t think less of me…for being a murderer?”

I laughed, which in hindsight was not the right choice, from the confusion and pain that spread across Molly’s face. “I'm sorry, it’s just, when I was being difficult on the farm Ebenezer used to tell me that he hoped one day I’d have ‘ an apprentice just like you, ye stubborn, hot-headed fool.’” I did a passing fair imitation of my grandfather. Molly still looked confused and a bit irritated to boot now. “I asked the same thing.” I clarified. “To my friend. You scare me sometimes with how much you…never mind. No, Molls. I don’t think less of you. I sort of assumed that’s part of the job now. And I’m in no position to judge. I…it’s been a long time since that first time and I've done a lot of things since then that I'm less proud of. All of us can only do the best we can to be the best we can and try not to fuck it up too much.”

“Is that what your friend told you?” She asked with a sniffle.

“Nah, he rambled on about regrettable losses and redemption and told me that he trusted me and I was a good man, which is how most conversations with him go.”

“You talked about killing people with my dad?” She almost seemed too startled to be upset.

“Yeah. He sort of insisted. He’s got an obnoxious way of knowing exactly when I least want to talk about something and bringing it up.”

A hint of a smile touched Molly’s face. “Gee, what’s that like?” She settled back down against me, her head pointed toward our feet. “How do you do this?”

“Do what?” I asked.

“Make everything so simple. Make me feel normal.”

“I don’t know but if you figure it out could you tell me? I could really use some simplicity and normalcy in my life right now.”

She winced. “Guess I’m not helping with that, am I?”

“It’s fine. Complicated, confusing and strange is the norm for me. I wouldn’t know what to do if things had kept going smooth, safe and boring.”

Molly nodded absently. “Growing up I swore I never wanted that – normal, safe and boring. I saw my mom and my siblings and I thought, Lord save me from that fate. I want adventure. Excitement. I wanted to see exotic lands and do brave, daring deeds. The first time I heard mom and dad talking about you, I thought, man that sounds cool. I prayed for a life like that, fighting monsters and hurling magic spells and never having to worry about laundry and dirty diapers and fixing dinner.” She sniffled again. “And now I’d give anything to take that back. I’d kill a thousand times over if it would let me have a normal, boring, life.”

“And that’s part of the problem, right?” I asked. “When you’re not having nightmares, you’re having dreams. But sometimes a dream hurts worse because eventually you wake up.”

“You’re not as dumb as everyone says, Dresden.” She sounded amused.

“They all underestimate the depths of my idiocy.” I stifled a yawn. “Nah, I’ve been having the same problem. Everything seems normal in the dream. No mantle to fight with. No supernatural baddies trying to end the world. I do normal PI work. Pick Maggie up from school. Eat a home-cooked meal. Fall asleep in a haze of comfort and security with a beautiful woman beside me.”

“Then you wake up,” She said glumly. “And you realize you’re alone. And the world still needs saving. And you’re still Winter’s bitch.”

“That’s the long and short of it, yeah. Sound familiar?”

“Dream’s a little different, but the outcome is the same. Still saving the world. Still Winter’s bitch.” She picked at a loose thread in the blanket. “Definitely still alone.”

“At least you’re _the_ Winter Bitch. I’m just Winter’s kenneled mutt.” _Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it_. “And, y’know, you don’t have to wake up alone.” Why do I do this to myself?

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown. I’d rather be a stray on the street some days. Believe me, you’re the lucky one.” She drummed her fingers against my ribs before looking up at me again. “Look, Harry, five years ago I would have jumped on the first sign that you wanted me. Hell, I kept waiting for you to make a move after you came back. I thought for sure…I mean, you were so close, and I could _feel_ you wanting me. There’s something really intoxicating about not just knowing but actually feeling how bad someone wants you. But there wasn’t time and then, when finally, maybe I actually had a chance with you, bam, Murphy fires. I’m a freakin’ fairy princess. And now.” She sighed. “You have the worst timing. If you’d made a move that night…but it’s too late now.”

“If that’s how you feel,” I said evenly. “I can’t blame you for not waiting forever. It would have been nice if you hadn’t been teasing me all day if you feel that way but I suppose I deserve it.”

“Climb down off that cross, why doncha?” She said, rolling her eyes. “I will always want you, Harry. You were the first guy I ever had eyes for and everyone I’ve seen since has just been a shadow, or an after image, a pale imitation of you. No matter what I do, where I go, you’re always on my mind. Anything you ask, if it’s in my power, I will do it for you. I’ve offered myself to you before and I would gladly do it again a thousand times if I could still freely give it.” She clenched her fists, and I could feel Winter rising in her. “But I am no longer free. I can’t give myself, not to any man. I am Lady Molly of Winter, the Queen Who Is To Come, and I must stand alone.” Her shoulders slumped, and she let the power go in a rush, sending a flurry of small snowflakes out with it. “No matter how badly I wish it were otherwise.”

“I see.” I suppressed a shudder that had very little to do with the snow. “I guess the timing of this really does suck.”

“Royally.” She agreed, then huffed a laugh. “Pun retroactively intended.”

“So, is this a White Fang thing?” I asked, my mind already racing with potential solutions. She arched an eyebrow. “You know, you push people away to protect them. Keep them from getting close because it's too dangerous to get involved with a fae queen?”

“I _will_ harm anyone who gets too close to me. It's not a risk, it's a fact.”

“That still wasn't quite a yes or a no. Sounds like maybe there's something more to it. The Queen’s orders?” I guessed. Her face was an impassive mask. “No. It’s a mantle thing, then. Part of Winter Law?”

“There you go, being clever again. There's some truth to each of your suggestions. But it all leads to the same point.”

“An eternity of being alone.” She nodded. “Yeah, well fuck that.”

“What?”

“Fuck. That.” I repeated. “If you’ve changed your mind, that's understandable. If you want to be alone, that's your choice. But if you want something more, whether it's with me or someone else, you should have it.”

Molly reached up to touch my face. “That's a lovely thought, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can't.”

“Or what?” She sighed, obviously growing frustrated with the conversation, but I refused to back down. “What would happen? Whatever it is, we’ll find a solution. I can ask Bonnie and Bob.”

“There is no solution. Harry, please just let this go. Whatever you think you’re feeling, whatever you want, it's not going to happen. You don't need to ride in on your white horse and save me. Sometimes you just have to accept the hand life deals you.” She smiled weakly. “It’s not all bad. I mean, there are drawbacks of course. But I know that I’m making a difference. I have a purpose in life and I know exactly what it is.”

“To give up your own happiness to serve the Winter Court? Gee, that sounds like a dream come true.” I rubbed small circles against her back and she made an appreciative humming noise.

“In a way, yes. You’ve seen the Outer Gates. You know what Winter’s purpose is. Once you know…Harry, even if you weren’t our Knight, wouldn’t you still want to help? We’re fighting to protect our world from beings that defy description, things that go beyond nightmares, that could unmake reality.” Her eyes searched mine, and she seemed genuinely pleased. “By being the Winter Lady, I’m helping to save all life as we know it on a daily basis. If I have to push aside some of my own desires to do that, who cares in the grand scheme of things. Who am I to say that what I want is more important than the fabric of reality?”

“You’re the person who wasn’t given a choice,” I told her stubbornly.

“Everyone has choices, they just might not be good ones. I chose to be on that island. Even now, I could be like Maeve and blow off my duties to go do whatever I want. It wouldn’t be helpful and Mab might make me your next assignment, but I _could_ do it. I don’t want to. I want to do my part, even if I don't always like what I have to do or what I have to give up to do it.”

I kissed her forehead, which surprised me as much as it did her. “There are other ways to be a hero. It doesn’t have to be this, we’ll find a way.”

“I thought I told you to put that saddle back in the barn, mister.” She chided with a distant smile.

“I can't help it. I'm literally a knight. I have to save the princess. It's in our code.”

She laughed. “There's a big difference between the code of a white knight and a Winter Knight, and I’m sure you know it. Just like there’s a big difference between a princess and a Queen. And what do you think you’ll be able to do anyway? You know the retirement options for Winter – urn or casket. And then some other girl gets saddled with my responsibilities.” She shook her head. “No, there is no other way.”

I gritted my teeth in frustration. It wasn't fair. Molly had made some mistakes, but she'd always been a good kid. Her only fault had been caring too damn much about what I thought about her, about being a ‘hero’ like her dad and I. Being immortal, watching all of her loved ones grow old and die while she stayed young, that wasn't enough of a price? Now she had to remain alone the entire time? That was too much to ask. The price was too high and regardless of what she said, I wasn’t about to let her pay it. I would find a way.

“Oh no. Harry, that wasn’t a challenge. Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” I asked, distracted. I'd have to go visit Waldo and Andi. I needed to talk to Bob. Bonnie wouldn't be familiar enough with this.

“Like I'm your next adventure, the next impossible thing for you to overcome. I've seen that look before. It usually precedes one or both of us needing medical attention.”

I grinned. “Good thing we're both super resilient then, huh?” She slapped my chest lightly in response. “Okay, so you can't get romantically involved, partly because you think you can't for the safety of the other party, partly because your mantle says you can't, right?” She frowned, eyeing me suspiciously but nodded. “Let's assume I'm a big boy and can handle myself, both physically and emotionally, which addresses your safety concerns. That just leaves your mantle. So, what are the limits?”

Her frown deepened. “What do you mean?”

I wetted my lips. “Well, what exactly is against the rules? Obviously some things are still on the table. I can hold you.” I squeezed her for emphasis. “You didn't sizzle and melt when I kissed your forehead or when I touch your bare skin.” I rubbed at the small of her back, hand slipping under the hem of her shirt. I smirked when she gave just the smallest little hint of a moan. “And evidently it’s alright for me to make you feel good, in some ways at least. So where do I have to stop?”

“Right here,” Molly said wearily, looking away from me again.

“Is that you or your mantle saying that?” I continued rubbing her back, working my way up her spine. 

“Me. My mantle wants you to keep going. To see how far you'll go.”

“But you don't?” I stilled my hand, and she glanced back up nervously.

“I want to see how far you'll go more than anything. But my mantle is like a cat, rolled over on its back. She'll keep inviting you in to rub her belly, yowling, and batting at your hand until you do, but once you do,” she gnashed her teeth with a growl and made a clawing gesture with her hands. I continued rubbing and she smiled despite herself. “Honestly, I don't know where the limits are. I don't know what's okay and what's not. And I'm not willing to put you or anyone else at risk to find out.”

All in all that sounded frustrating but not unworkable. And she wanted to see what I would do. I think my brain was still offline or in dream mode which made it really easy for the libido to take the reins. “You said it yourself though, Molly. We can always try. It's important to know your limits.”

She laughed. “I think we already covered that lesson.”

I shifted, sitting so that she was directly in front of me and I could use both hands to massage her shoulders. “Good, so you should know it, then.”

She exhaled sharply as I dug the knuckles of one hand in, working out a knot of tension. It sounded pained and pleasured at the same time and had me standing at full attention instantly. “Didn't you promise to leave if things got too – umph – involved?” Her voice was strained, and I really wanted to find out what else I could do, with or without my hands, to get her to this point and beyond.

“I promised for a night. But it's almost 5 in the morning. Dawn has already broken. In another hour, the sun will be full in the sky.” She had relaxed considerably, her body pliant in my hands, by the time I reached her neck. 

“We promised to honor the spirit as well as the letter.” She protested, half-heartedly.

“You promised that. I made no such arrangement.”

“I should have seen that coming.” Molly started to laugh but it turned into a moan of pleasure as I ran two fingers along either side of her spine, from the base of her skull to her tailbone. “But really, this is a bad idea. We should go back to sleep.”

“You’re right.” I gripped her hips and started massaging up her sides. “Terrible idea, for a lot of reasons. Sleep is the best option.”

She leaned back toward me, moving into my grip. “Seriously. We need to stop. I don't want to hurt you.” Her voice was breathless. I could feel the heat rising off of her, smell her arousal. I ran my hands up her body slowly, over her shirt for now. My mantle was screaming to tear it off, to bend her over and fuck her raw, right then and there, but I ignored it. I wanted her relaxed, comfortable, safe. She was right, it was a bad idea. Even if she was being paranoid about the dangers from her mantle, this was still a huge deal. I took my time and when my fingers lighted over the stiff peaks of her nipples, poking through the thin fabric of her camisole she gasped my name, pleading, eager and chiding all at the same time.

Well. Umph. Okay. Never mind slow. The top needed to come off. Right. Fucking. Now. I took hold of the hem with both hands and started tugging it up, but she put her hands over mine, halting me. “This was all a really bad idea.” She panted. I unhanded her shirt, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing the back of her head. 

“Monumentally stupid.” I agreed and kissed her again. “But we've already gone this far.”

“Do you hear yourself?” She sounded amused. “I think your Knighthood is showing.” She leaned back so that she was laying with the back of her head against my right shoulder, her fingers entwined with mine, resting on her stomach. 

“My knighthood?” I growled, kissing the skin just behind her left ear which elicited a lovely shiver. “If that's what you want to call it I guess.”

“You are impossible.” She panted.

“So I've been told.” I kissed her neck and she moaned softly. “You're beautiful.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls.” She teased. I tried to kiss her neck again, maybe give her a little nibble, but she rolled her head away and when I tried to move my hands she tightened her grip, keeping me pinned in place.

“Is this your way of saying no, you don't want to try?” I asked with a sigh. 

“Harry…” She sat up so that she could turn and look at me fully. “After everything, I _can't_ say no to you. I want this too bad. More than you could ever possibly know or understand. Some of those dreams that wake me up in tears start just like this, okay? If you ask, there’s no way I can say no.” She looked down at her hands for a moment before looking back up. “But I can’t say yes anymore either. If anything happened to you…” Her voice broke and she cleared her throat. “We can’t lose you again. Chicago can’t, Winter can’t and I can’t. I’m not all together as it is, if I let something bad happen to you…it would break me. We’ve had two broken, insane Ladies in rapid succession. We don’t need another.”

“So you’re saying no, for the good of everyone.” My heart sank.

“I’m saying, it’s better if you don’t ask. Please don’t make me answer.” Her eyes watered again and I found mine responding similarly. I took a deep breath then nodded.

“Yeah, okay Molls.” It took a hell of a lot of willpower but I was able to resist the urge to push my luck. “Whatever you need. Let's just go back to sleep, yeah?”

She hesitantly agreed, and despite her objection that it was asking too much of me, she settled next to me, laying on my chest. It took a while but she eventually fell back to sleep. I stayed up for a long while after just watching her and thinking. She had seemed really terrified that something terrible would happen if we got hot and heavy together. Given the sort of things my mantle wanted to do, I shouldn't have been surprised. It had taken a little bit of adjustment for Karrin and I to be able to sleep together without me almost breaking something on her or getting a little too overenthusiastic. It would stand to reason that Molly might have some of the same issues that she needed to work out. We'd have to discuss it further. After all, she could put me through a wall and I'd still be fine. I seriously doubted that I couldn't withstand her affections. Susan had been trying to kill me the night we conceived Maggie and that was before the mantle. I was confident I could handle it.

But I didn't want to force her to do anything she didn't want to do. I mean, there was some room for debate about whether she wanted to. When my engorged glands were still doing the thinking, they pointed out that she’d said she wanted to, more than I could understand, but she was holding herself back because of misplaced fear. All I needed to do was show her that her fear was misplaced, and there were no obstacles. It sounded good. Almost plausible. But as my blood cooled and my ardor with it, it just didn’t track with me. It wasn’t enough that she didn’t say no. I needed a yes. And she was adamant, right or wrong, that she couldn’t give me one.

Which, not ideal. My heart hurt for her. The longer I watched her sleep, the longer I thought of how much her situation sucked, the more I hurt. And the more I hurt for her, the angrier I got. I can’t stand to see a woman hurt. Especially not a young girl. Especially not my…I paused. I had been about to call her my girl, which seemed extremely presumptive at best and flagrantly wrong at worst, even if it was just in my own head. My friend. That sounded insufficient, but it would have to do. I wanted her to be able to have what she wanted. The fact that that happened to be me was irrelevant.

I was determined to find a solution. Something to help her. Some way out of this mess for her. I didn’t want her to have nightmares of things she’d done. I didn’t want her to feel like a monster. I wanted to take away her burdens and let her live a normal, happy life. I wanted to be part of that life if she’d have me, but either way, I wanted her happy. I would tear the Nevernever apart if I had to to find some way to give her that. And in the meantime, I would give her what I could.

Her cell phone rang a little after 8:00 which woke her up. It was a short conversation full of one-word answers and she stood by the window while she talked, to keep as far away from me and my anti-tech field as possible. The bed felt immeasurably colder without her. Molly snapped the phone shut and without a word went to her closet and started getting dressed. Her back was to me, but it didn’t make the view less appealing when she stripped off her tank top. There were swirls of ink all across her back, which did nothing to distract from the gentle curve of her spine and the smooth expanse of her flesh, aching to be caressed. She hooked her fingers in the waistband of her yoga pants and I averted my eyes, trying to give her some privacy.

“It’s not like I have anything you haven’t seen before.” Molly drawled. I glanced back over just as she was finishing tugging down a dark purple polo shirt. She had already poured herself into a pair of black leather pants that looked like they may have been painted on.

“I’m not much for window shopping,” I told her, stretching. “Why look when you can’t touch?”

“That’s never stopped you before.” She grinned, flipping up the mirror at her vanity to start fixing her hair.

“I’ve never had this much of a problem keeping myself from touching before,” I replied, my voice low. She glanced back at me in the reflection, her hands faltering for a moment before she continued.

“You get used to it.” She pinned her hair up into a coil at the back of her head and eyed it. Eventually satisfied she turned to look at me. “Thank you again. It seems I can’t say that enough this week.”

“I’m not actually sure if I’ve been more help or harm.” I rubbed self-consciously at the back of my neck with one hand.

“I got more sleep last night than I’ve had for the entire month prior, which, I think you were right about needing it. I feel a lot…better. More in control.” She dug around in a drawer producing several tubes of various forms of makeup.

“That's good.” I smiled, watching her apply paint to her eyelashes with a little brush. “Maybe tonight you'll actually be able to sleep through the night. We can-“

“I'm not going to be home tonight,” Molly said, cutting me off. “I have work. I expect it to be an overnight mission at least, maybe a few days.”

“Oh. Anything I can help with?” I sat up and combed my hands through my hair, trying to tame it into something presentable. “I don't have any cases right now.”

“It’s more of a diplomatic mission, not exactly your forte.” She smacked her lips, then turned to face me. “How do I look?”

The lipstick matched her shirt, and she’d painted on her eyeliner in a way that made her eyes look more angular and gave her a wild, exotic look. Combined with the natural enhancement she received from being Winter Lady, she looked dangerous yet enticing, someone who might slit your throat mid-coitus but you’d risk it anyway. “Stunning,” I told her. “Very femme fatale. Sure you don’t want some back-up?”

“I…I don’t think that would be wise, Boss.” Molly stared at her feet, her lips pursed. “I think a day or two apart might be good for us. Give us some time to…cool down. Think.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t missed the quiet dismissal in her words. “Yeah, okay. If you...yeah. I should probably check in on Thomas anyway.” I schooled my face, trying for something calm and casual. I think I at least succeeded in “not pained” which was close enough. Molly glanced up, looking guilty and conflicted, but said nothing. She opened her mouth but no sound came out and she eventually closed it again, nodding her head. I barely even felt her open the portal to the Nevernever. It was like a small tear in reality opened in front of her hand, just enough for her to slip through. It sealed up behind her as she disappeared, leaving a cool breeze and me behind.


	6. Chapter 6

Bonnie was of no help. She told me nothing that I hadn’t already figured out – Molly was bound to her mantle. Traditionally the mantle was only passed when the vessel died, which could typically only happen on Halloween for an immortal like her. She theorized that Molly _might_ be able to give up the mantle if we had another suitable vessel, but giving it up might still kill her and even if it didn’t, it would just be sticking some other poor girl with the burdens. But of course, Bonnie was not an expert on the fae.

So I hopped in my car and drove to find someone who _was_ something of an expert. Andi answered the door and told me that Butters wasn’t home and she was just about to head out for work, but provided I didn’t steal him again and I stayed safely away from their technology, I was welcome to talk with Bob. She brought the skull into the living room so I didn’t have to go anywhere near their computers and left the two of us alone.

“Heya Harry, long time no see.” There was something deeply comforting about hearing Bob’s voice and seeing the familiar orange glow of his ‘eyes.’ For a moment it felt like old times. “You look like you’re still mostly you. Butters says you haven’t made any rape or murder sprees so it sounds like you still have the reins, eh?”

That killed the nostalgia pretty quickly. “Still me.” I agreed. “But that’s sort of related to what I wanted to talk about. Is there any way to get rid of a mantle, once you have it?”

“Sure. You have your choice of retirement options. Fall on a sword, lose a knife fight, a really strong, really quick poison, a really high cliff with spikes at the bottom, a high-powered rifle seemed to do the trick come to think of it-“

“Thanks, Bob. Really helpful.” I rolled my eyes. “Is there any way to remove a mantle without the vessel dying?”

“Even if you could, Mab would just kill you the minute you turned your back. You know too much to walk away.”

“I’m not actually concerned about my mantle,” I said, then amended it. “Well, I am. But I know that I can’t walk. Literally, if I break my deal with her. I was thinking more about, umm, the Ladies.”

“You mean Miss No Longer Jailbait?” Somehow Bob waggled his eyebrows suggestively despite having neither brows nor muscles to move them with.

“Hypothetically, yes. Is there a way to remove Molly’s mantle without killing her?”

“Well, I think she’d have the same problem as you – Her Royal Scariness isn’t going to let someone who knows all of Winter’s deepest darkest secrets go. But even ignoring that, I’ve never heard of it being done. I don’t think it’s possible.” He eyed me suspiciously. “This isn’t another mission, right? Like last time?”

I shuddered. “No. No, it’s sort of the opposite actually.” I sighed, wishing I’d brought a beer with me. “Do you know of any rules or laws that would dictate how Molly has to conduct her personal life?”

“Sure, there’s all sorts of rules about what she can and can’t talk about, what kinds of bargains she can make and alliances she can form, stuff like that.”

“What about in her _private_ personal life?” I asked, trying and failing to find words to properly convey my question.

“I can’t imagine she has much that’s private anymore. Mab always struck me as a bit of a control freak and after the last one…but sure, she has to be careful how she dresses and speaks and such even when she’s not doing official Winter business, if that’s what you mean.” He paused, then understanding seemed to dawn on him and his lights grew brighter. “Oh Harry, that’s not what you meant at all, is it?” He sounded sly and proud at the same time.

“Bob. Right now you’re in my possession, right?”

“Riiiight.” He agreed, cautiously

“Which means you have to follow any order I give you. Right?”

Bob made a gulping sound. “This line of questioning has never gone somewhere good in my experience, but yes, you’re correct.”

“Great. Then I order you to never mention this conversation to anyone else, ever. Not even a passing mention. Once I leave today, you forget that we ever had more than a casual conversation, just two friends catching up. Do I make myself clear?”

“Uh, yeah.” He seemed to retreat back into the skull a bit before peeking back out. “That’s pretty serious stuff, Harry. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I…I’m going to regret this but I need to talk to someone and I think you might, oddly, be the only one who can and will help.”

“You need help getting laid,” Bob said with a laugh.

“Heh. Well. It’s kind of a long story, but-“

Bob laughed again and the candlelight glow flared brightly, bulging out of the eye sockets. “Oh my god. You actually _do_. I’ve waited years for you to-“

“I was right. I already regret this.” I started to stand. “Never mind.”

“Oh don’t be like that. Tell me what you need and I’ll see what I can do.”

Once I started, I couldn’t stop. Bob, of course, wanted every lurid detail and after a while, I realized that I wasn’t bothering to hold back. I used to be shy about this sort of thing, especially with Bob, but now…maybe it was the mantle’s influence. Maybe I just really needed to get it all off my chest, I don’t know. But I told him everything from the night after Murphy and I split through that morning.

“Wow,” Bob said when I finally finished. “So, you and the apprentice, huh? I’ve been barking up that tree forever and you finally decide now. I’m a little offended. Promise me you’ll at least take pictures when you see her next?”

“Did you hear a word I said? She turned me down.” I growled.

“You’re fantastically bad with women, Harry. She wants you. Bad.” He made a dreamy noise. “What I wouldn’t give for a ride on that filly.”

“She said she wasn’t allowed to fraternize, though. Something to do with her mantle or Winter Law or something?” I scrambled to remember what it was she had said exactly and couldn’t recall. “Does that ring any bells?”

“Not to me. I mean, as the Knight it’s pretty much inevitable that the two of you are going to boink eventually so I’m not sure why she’s so worked up about it.”

“What?” I asked, perhaps sharper than I needed to.

“Well, yeah.” He hedged. “I mean, it’s bound to happen. You work together. You both have those primal Winter urges. You’re both going to be around for a few centuries at least, as long as you don’t make the same mistakes as your predecessors. Eventually one of you is going to make a move on the other one and bam. Beast with two backs.” I swear he managed to convey a shrug through just lights. “My advice? Make your move sooner rather than later. She wants you to and you’ll both be better off for it.”

“I don’t know, Bob.” I rubbed at the bridge of my nose where a migraine was starting to take hold. “You didn’t hear her. I don’t want to force her to do anything she’s not comfortable doing.”

“Harry, she’s the Winter Lady. Even if you went full Lloyd Slate and just took her at knifepoint, she’d still be able to stop you if she didn’t want it.” After a thoughtful pause, he added. “Although with all those piercings, I’m betting she’d like it if you tried to take her at knifepoint.”

“That’s so wrong there aren’t even words for how wrong it is.” I closed my eyes. “But I guess you’re right.”

“Of course! I bet she’s into all kinds of kinky stuff like…oh, you mean about her being able to stop you. Yes, I am. You are, after all, bound to her court. If she couldn’t physically stop you, which she could, she could put a compulsion on you. Or just use her magic. She’s not really bound by the Council’s laws now and she’s always been good with the mind mojo.”

“There’s a terrifying thought. But she wouldn’t do that. And I would never try to force myself on her. I just wish I knew more about what was holding her back. You don't think it's against Winter Law or anything? Neither of us is going to get executed if we take a step out of the friend zone?”

“Not to my knowledge. I mean, as long as you're not taking wedding vows or anything, I don't think Mab will care. I don't see why anyone else would or could impose restrictions on her.”

“Yeah, okay.” I thought about what he'd said and slowly smiled to myself. “Thanks, Bob. You're right.”

“Don’t mention it, Harry. You're a friend.” Bob said quietly, sounding sincere. “All I ask in exchange for my valuable time and assistance is a few photos. The kind that will let me verify whether or not she still has _all_ of her piercings.”

“…And that's my cue to leave.”

I felt more confident after talking to Bob, even if it didn't provide me with a real solution. I'd just have to talk to her. We didn’t need to rush into anything if she wasn't ready yet. I’d be content to spend my nights just like the last – holding her, sleeping beside her, waking up warm and happy for a change. If she needed to wait for the rest, I could do that, couldn't I? I’d spent more years of my life single and wanting than I had in a fulfilling relationship. Of course, I wasn’t the Knight then, but even so. I could keep it in my pants if that's what she needed. 

She had said she wanted some time apart, so I gave it to her. I spent the next few days helping out with a few concerns for the Alliance, and I took a couple of cases of my own. I tracked down a 15-year-old who allegedly had been ‘abducted by aliens’ but in reality, she'd just run away from home. Nothing supernatural, just a kid who thought she knew better. She'd been living on the streets for a few weeks when I found her, and after a long talk (over a warm meal) I convinced her to go home. Turns out she hadn't found independence, and the responsibilities that came with it, to be as satisfying as she thought.

I also found two missing wedding rings, made a charm to ward off malicious spirits, and lectured a kid on the perils of love potions, suggesting that instead he should just buy the girl a piece of jewelry, tell her how he feels, and move on to someone else if she rejects him. I don’t know why I even bother putting no love potions on the ad. Everyone thinks they're the exception to the rule. 

I spent my nights over at Thomas’s house. I was stressed, frustrated and feeling more than a little lonely, and though I tried not to let it show, my brother could tell. He brought it up the first night I was there, asking if I was okay, but when I assured him everything was fine he let it drop. I knew he didn't believe me, but he knew me well enough not to pry. Instead, he just watched me with a concerned frown when he thought I wasn’t looking and for some reason (though he'd never done so before) tried to keep his rendezvous with Justine and the walking, talking sex dolls she brought home with her discreet.

I wasn’t sure how long Molly would be gone or how long she wanted to think things over so I just gave her space. I figured she would get in touch with me if and when she was ready to talk. By Sunday, almost a full week since we'd spent the night together, I still hadn’t heard from or seen her. As usual, I showed up at the Carpenters’ house for dinner. Charity had made it clear to me, in no uncertain terms, that Sunday night was family dinner night and that my attendance was not optional. She hadn’t needed to, of course. There was no way I was going to turn down the opportunity to spend time with Maggie and eat a home-cooked meal. But it made Charity feel better to think she had brow-beaten me into attendance, and it made me feel less guilty about intruding, so it was for the best. 

I came over early and spent several hours playing in the backyard with Maggie and the Carpenter kids. We were in the middle of a game of soccer, which was five preteen to teens against me and my dog when Molly arrived. I could feel her before I saw her, and turned to look just as she was coming out the back door. She wore her hair long and loose, dark blue at the tips fading to white at her roots. She wore a short-sleeve button-down shirt that perfectly matched the rich blue in the middle of her hair and a blue and black plaid skirt that could have been part of a school uniform. With the right makeup and accessories, it would have fit the goth look she'd cultivated in her teens, but as it was she made it look crisp and professional like she'd just stepped out of a board room. 

She also made the outfit look like it belonged on the floor of my bedroom while I tasted every curve and dimple of her body.

That is to say, I thought she looked lovely and I took a moment to thoroughly appreciate her choice of attire. Her eyes met mine and she smiled knowingly. I started to smile back when _thwack_. I took a soccer ball to the side of the face, sending me sideways a few steps until I almost tripped over the goal. Molly was there in a flash, steadying me, while my teammate just sat on his haunches, tongue lolled out in laughter. “Oops. Sorry, dad! You okay?” called a small voice from the other end of the yard. 

“Nothing wounded but my pride, princess,” I said with a sigh, rubbing my face.

“It looks like your teams are uneven,” Molly observed. “Are you letting the Jawas gang up on you, Harry?”

“Well, I'm a lot taller than they are. It seemed fair.” I protested feebly. Molly glanced over at her siblings, suspiciously. Alicia and Amanda both looked away, whistling nonchalantly.

“You're a lot taller than most professional basketball players. Not sure what that has to do with soccer.” She slipped out of her high heels, placing them delicately on the back stairs and wiggling her toes for a moment before coming to stand on the opposite side of the goal from me. “Alright, count me on team Dresden. Bring it on you snot-nosed punks!”

The game resumed with renewed fervor and everyone was laughing and panting from exertion in short order. Molly, for her part, cheated outrageously but obviously, including creating a wall of ice over our goal when we missed the ball, creating illusory copies of herself, all of which appeared to have the ball, and veiling the ball entirely just as little Harry went to kick it. In the end, we still lost, 5 to 6, but we had a good time doing it. The sun was starting to set when Charity came out to tell us that dinner would be done soon. After taking us all in, particularly Molly’s muddy bare feet and my dirty face with the hexagonal indents, she suggested that now might be a good time for us to all get ourselves cleaned up and ready. The kids all filed in while Molly and I lingered for a moment, not eager to get caught in the stampede.

“We make a pretty good team,” I said quietly, grinning at her.

“Even if we lost,” She said with a smile, watching me out of the corner of her eye.

“Nah, did you see how happy Maggie was when she scored that goal?” I beamed. “We still won.”

“Yeah, okay.” She agreed as we watched her family all excitedly enter the back door. When the door shut she headed around to the side of the house. “Come on, there’s a sink in dad’s workshop. If I track muddy footprints throughout the house, mom will kill me.”

Molly ran a paper towel in the sink then sat on her dad’s workbench, scrubbing at her toes. I did the same for my face, wishing there was a mirror so I could see what I was doing. “So,” I asked during a lull in the conversation. “How was your work thing?”

“Oh. It took longer than expected but it went well, I think. I guess only time will tell.” She sounded uncomfortable. “How about you, did you have any interesting cases or anything?”

“Pretty much just the usual.” I shrugged. “…I missed you.”

Her lips tightened into a frown, her brow knitting. “I missed you too. I did a lot of thinking while I was away and…well, I think we need to talk.”

“We’re talking now,” I said quietly, ignoring the icicles forming in the pit of my stomach.

“Not now. Later. When we’re alone.”

I swallowed and reached out to grab her hand, rubbing my fingers over her knuckles. “We’re alone right now.”

She sighed and closed her eyes. “Damnit Harry, you know what I mean.” She pulled her hand away and stormed inside. I followed a moment after in time to catch Michael frowning at Molly’s retreating form. He glanced at me with a raised eyebrow and I just shook my head and shrugged. I was sweating bullets internally, hoping he wouldn't see right through me, but he must have bought it because he favored me with a smile.

“She's been rather temperamental lately, hasn't she?” He asked quietly. 

I wasn’t quite sure how good her hearing was, but I knew it was supernaturally enhanced in some way and just assumed she could hear everything within a 50-yard radius to be safe. “Just lately?” I replied, and we both smiled a little wider. “She's got a lot on her mind, I'm sure. Stress gets the best of us all.”

No matter how many weeks I attended dinner with the Carpenters it never managed to get old. I’ve felt a lot of different kinds of magic, some so beautiful and wondrous that I could have wept. Nothing is quite as beautiful as the feeling you get sitting down to dinner with the Carpenters. Love is a tangible thing at that table. It fills the room, settling over you like a warm blanket on a cold day. There's a sense of uncompromising loyalty, support, and affection for everyone surrounding you. It feels like family. And sitting there with them, being included in that warm glow, that was something I’d wanted my entire life. Nothing was going to bring me down while I sat at that dinner table.

But Molly came close. She sat across from me, which was odd since she normally sat to my right. Maggie took her place, allowing her to easily regale me with stories of what she’d done at school that week and me to casually sneak half of my vegetables onto her plate when she wasn’t looking. Don’t look at me like that. It’s important for a parent to encourage his child to eat as many vegetables as possible. Anyway, normally Molly would chime into our conversation, or tease one of her siblings about whatever it was they were talking about. The whole topic of music had become a forbidden subject after the great One Direction debacle of ’14, in which Molly had been a key player. She always had something witty to add to whatever the group was talking about.

Except for right then. She barely spoke a word, to me or anyone else. Little Harry had to repeat her name five times before she looked at him, and even then it took a moment before she actually smiled at him, like she’d heard what he said. I caught Michael and Charity exchange a worried glance, a silent conversation taking place between the two of them before Michael cleared his throat.

“Molly, are you feeling alright?” He called down to her, somehow managing to sound quiet while talking over a gaggle of children, teens, and technical adults.

I nudged her under the table with one boot and she stirred. “Oh, yes sorry. I’m just…very tired.”

“They’ve got you working too hard at that job of yours.” Charity said with a cluck of her tongue. “You’re wearing yourself too thin.”

“Nonsense Momma.” She replied, with a carefree laugh and a small smile. If I didn't know any better I'd have probably believed it. “I just haven't been sleeping well. I love my job.” I noticed the slight widening of her eyes and was somewhat relieved to know that we were both surprised by that admission. 

“Just remember to love yourself, too.” Michael rumbled. “You can't help anyone if you don't take care of yourself, right Harry?”

“Da-rn right.” I agreed, catching myself before Michael could lecture. I watched her face across the table. “You can’t just push aside your own needs forever. Trust me, I know.” Her eyes flashed briefly to mine, a cold, icy blue before they flickered back down.

“You all worry too much.” She said around another laugh. “Hey, where’s dessert? Didn’t I smell cake?”

“Well, it _was_ someone’s birthday recently,” Michael replied, with sparkling eyes.

Charity brought out a chocolate cake with white frosting and rainbow sprinkles. Bright pink squiggly letters read “Happy Birthday Molly!” It looked like everyone had had their turn writing a few letters. For a few minutes, while the candles glowed and a chorus of voices sang Happy Birthday, Molly looked like her old self. Her face was bright and pink, not with embarrassment, just the peachy color of normal human flesh. Her eyes were a radiant sky blue, her golden blonde hair framing her face as she leaned forward to blow out her candles. She took a deep breath, glanced at me and smiled shyly, then blew out every single one of the 26 candles at once.

“Looks like someone’s getting their wish.” Alicia piped up on Molly’s other side. She had an impish little smile on her face. “Better watch out, Harry.”

“Shut up, Leech,” Molly growled, rounding on her with greater intensity than usual. Alicia was not intimidated. She just rolled her eyes.

After cake, it was time for homework, baths, and bed. After I'd tucked Maggie in and read her a bedtime story (my voices were getting better but I still wasn't as good as Michael she let me know, matter-of-factly), I came back downstairs to find Charity wiping a dishtowel in repeated circles over a very dry plate while she frowned at her daughter with obvious concern. Molly was sitting at the kitchen table, completely still. I caught Charity's eye for just a moment and her frown deepened. Clearly she thought whatever this was it was all my fault. If she only knew the half of it. 

"Hey Grasshopper, what say we head back to your house?" I stood in front of her and her eyes just stared through me. She was too still, like a statue, the only signs of life the far too occasional rise and fall of her chest, heaving and rolling and waiting for me to...whoa boy, rein it in, Harry. "Hello, Earth to Molly. Come in Molly." I started to wave a hand in front of her face and in an instant, she had snatched my wrist in a grip like a vice. I bit back a wince and hoped Charity hadn't noticed. "What do you say, my lady, care to knock back a couple of Mac’s finest and help me and Bonnie figure out why Little Chicago 2: Electric Boogaloo isn't working?" I kept my voice and tone light, as though I were joking that the proposition might be romantic, just the slightest emphasis on her title. Charity was drilling holes into my head with her stare for the joke, but I warranted that probably wasn't as bad as if she realized what I was truly doing. 

It served its purpose, getting through to her quicker than a hot knife through melted butter and she quickly dropped my wrist and snorted. "Probably because you're an idiot and did something wrong, as usual." It was her normal tone, but her eyes were strange when she glanced at me briefly. "Yeah, let's head on over. Thanks for having us, mom!" She said, blowing Charity a kiss and bustling us both out the door. 

She was walking quickly and stayed a few steps ahead of me. I took the opportunity to enjoy the view. She'd always been gorgeous - beautiful and sexy. Even when she was too young for me to allow myself to think it, my primal, animal brain (and other parts of my body) took notice. But now it was surreal. She had an ethereal beauty, a body made for naked rituals in a moonlit grove...or maybe on a stone tablet...I shivered.

‘We need to talk.’ She'd said. I didn't like the sound of that. That usually preceded phrases like “It’s not you, it’s me” and “No, never mind, it actually _is_ you, Harry.” She'd said she'd done some thinking though. That could go either way. At least she wanted to talk, which had been more than she'd wanted to do previously. And she'd sounded pretty set on turning me down before she left. If she had given it some thought, maybe she'd changed her mind.

My heart started hammering in my chest. What if she had changed her mind? What if she said yes? Bob thought Mab wouldn't mind but what if she did? She didn't seem like the type to share her toys. Never mind that, what about Michael? He was a righteous man, a shining example of justice over evil and being a good person …except for where his children were concerned. I once saw him almost beat a man to death for threatening Alicia. And I'd noticed the way he had to hold himself back from violent action at the mere mention of Molly having a boyfriend. Even if he didn't go that far, he'd still be disappointed, which might hurt worse. Charity would murder me. Jesus, she'd practically broken my jaw when she had the thinnest of reasons to suspect that I’d gotten handsy with Molly. She'd threatened defenestration in the past. Gulp. 

Plus, I was a dad now. I had to think about Maggie. Before I got involved in anything, I'd need to think about how it would impact her and -

Nothing stops a train of thought like being body slammed into the stone facade of someone's front porch. "What the hell were you playing at back there, _Sir Knight?_ ” Molly growled, putting an extra sneer into my title. She had me effectively pinned, her left hand digging into my right shoulder, her right pressed into a fist on the wall near my head. I could hear stone grinding beneath her knuckles. Holy overreaction of the century, Batman. 

"Whoa, Molls. Take it easy." Like most of the things that come out of my mouth, that was the Wrong Thing to say. Her nostrils flared, and her eyes became slits, pale blue peeking out like a crescent moon. It took every ounce of will in my body not to physically flinch away from her. I averted my gaze and stared at my feet. 

"You don't. Tell me. What. To do." Her words were cold and crisp, and they rumbled in my ears and chest like an avalanche. "That is not your place. Just like it’s not your place to discuss or disclose my business. Have I made myself clear?"

Something rare happened - I was at a loss for words. I stared, jaw flapping uselessly as I tried to process thought. "Um." Wrong Thing again, I realized as a knee came up and collided with my crotch, in roughly the same way that a brick wall would collide with an out-of-control semi. I distantly realized that a high-pitched, wheezing keen was coming from my throat, but I had no control over it. 

"Have I made myself clear?" She snarled again. 

I started to say yes, but no noise came out. I coughed. Wheezed. Coughed again. "Yes, milady." I managed to croak out. I was crystal clear here - I was not talking to Molly Carpenter, friend, and erstwhile apprentice. I was not Harry Dresden, her mentor, and friend. She was the Winter Lady, I was the Winter Knight, and I had earned her ire. 

"Good." She removed her hand from my shoulder and I dropped like a sack of potatoes.


	7. Chapter 7

I lay on the ground for a moment, reevaluating my life and trying to decide whether or not I had a ruptured testicle. After a few shuddering breaths I determined I'd had worse and would be okay. Looking around, I realized I was on Molly's front porch and she had gone inside, leaving me there. 

I heaved myself up and pushed through the still-open door. Well, she hadn't closed it on me, that had to be a good sign, right? "Molly?" I called, coming down the hallway. "Molly, look, I'm sorry okay? I overstepped my bounds, I get that. You were just spaced, and your mom was staring and I panicked. I didn't know how else to get your attention..." I trailed off. The kitchen, dining room and living room were all Molly-less. I started to head up the stairs when I heard a small noise from the coat closet nearby. I stilled for a moment. The noises continued, muffled sounds, little squeaks followed by quiet huffs. Cautiously I opened the door, already guessing what I'd find. "Molls," I said gently. 

She was huddled up on the floor of the closet, knees pulled into her chest. She was biting into the knuckles on one hand so hard they were bleeding, her eyes were wide and wild, and she was breathing erratically – ragged inhales like she was drowning in air, sharp huffs of exhales blown out around her gritted teeth and bloody knuckles. Her body heaved like she might vomit. "Hey Grasshopper, hey, look at me." She glanced at me briefly and then averted her face, her whole body tensing, retreating further into the closet and into herself.

"Okay, okay, you're okay." I murmured. I moved slowly, cautiously, not wanting to startle her. "It's okay Molly. We're both okay. I've got you, alright?" I put an arm around her back and she flinched but then relaxed slightly against it. I settled down near her, as near as I could between my long legs and the small closet. Hesitantly, I rubbed small circles against her back with my right hand and used my left to slowly pull her hand from her mouth and uncurl her fingers into the palm of my hand. I rubbed gently at the pressure point between her thumb and forefinger until I could feel her ease against me. 

The tears came then, slow and silent, and I pulled her against me. "It's okay Molls. Let it out. I'm right here." She threw her arms around me, burrowed her head in my chest and started sobbing. I gently scooped her up and carried us both into the living room, sitting on the couch. She clung to me desperately, as though she was afraid I'd disappear if she let go. I made soothing noises, continuing to gently rub her back, while she let it out. I don't know how long we sat like that, but it was a good while. I buried my face in her hair, inhaling deeply. It calmed my own nerves a bit. There was the berry scent of her shampoo, mixed with a sharp spice and just a hint of the smell in the air right as it first starts to snow. Without even realizing it, I had kissed her head. 

She stiffened for a moment, then relaxed herself with an effort. She pulled back to look at me, forcing a small smile. "Girls crying, is that what gets your rocks off, weirdo?" Her voice was squeaky and thick with her tears, but I could tell she was trying to tease me and I smiled back. 

"It would explain a lot, huh?" I said, which got a half-hearted laugh. We were both quiet for a minute or two before I finally said, "Do you want to talk about what just happened?" 

"You mean other than you kissing my head and sniffing my hair, ya big perv?" She asked, a genuine smile twitching across her face for a moment. 

"Yeah Molls, other than that," I said softly. She burrowed her head back in my chest and shook it back and forth. I laughed lightly. "Okay. Then I'll go first. I'm sorry. I knew you were...out of it...when we were back at your parents' and I thought I was helping but I should have-" 

Molly made a noise somewhere between a sob, a gasp, and a laugh. "Only you would apologize to a woman who just kneed you in the balls." She pulled away slightly, settling herself on the couch so she could look at me. She didn't move away from the hand I had on her back and I didn't bother to move it.

"In my defense, I usually have it coming." I was hoping for a laugh but all I got was a teary-eyed rueful smile. 

"Not this time." She whispered. "And we both know it." 

I sighed. "Yes, and no. You're...we're...we aren't just us anymore, Grasshopper. You know this situation was about more than you and me."

Her face screwed up tight like she'd smelled something unsavory. "Fuck mantels and fuck Winter." I tensed, partly my own reaction to the bitter, harsh tone of her voice and partly the reaction of my mantel flaring within me, telling me to crush her skull, to destroy all who opposed our Queen, to take her brutally and savagely and fuck her until there was nothing left in her wasted body. I took a deep shuddering breath and made myself relax. 

"I'm not sure if it's safe for me to reply in kind," I said between slightly clenched teeth, willing my hands to uncurl from the white-knuckled fists they formed. "But I understand the sentiment completely."

I'm sure she thought she was helping when she laid a gentle hand over my arm. I'm sure she was trying to reassure me. But the unexpected skin on skin contact was almost too much. I could feel the jolt of her power, like electrical current playing across my skin. It took more resistance than I thought I had in me not to act on the screaming impulses of Winter, telling me to take her right here and now, to rip through her button-down shirt, hike up her skirt and fuck her raw. She gasped and withdrew her hand quickly, and I shifted awkwardly in my seat, trying to hide my obvious arousal with limited success, but Molly politely pretended she didn't notice. 

I took a few deep breaths, counted to ten. Then twenty. Regained control while Molly eyed me cautiously. 

"It's hard-" I started to say, before being gripped with horror at my own appalling word choice. It was worth it to hear Molly's uncontrolled laughter, deep and rich and bright. 

"You. Don't. Say.” She gasped between fits of giggles. My normally pale skin was the color of boiled lobster from head to toe. When she finally regained control of herself, I cleared my throat.

"I was saying, it's difficult for me to reconcile all of the mes that exist. I'm Harry Dresden, Wizard for hire, protector of innocents. I'm Warden Dresden of the White Council, a greycloak. Warden of Demonreach too. I'm a brother, a grandson, a mentor. I'm a father and I'm the Winter Knight and I'm a starborn and a 12th level barbarian." I sighed "And all of those things are fairly easy to be, by themselves. Even the things, hell, especially the things that I don't want to be. Those are the easiest. But it’s hard to be all those things together." Molly's face was sober now, and she fidgeted with her fingers, staring at them intently. "I feel like I'm constantly at war with myself, constantly fighting urges that aren't mine, following orders I don't agree with, doing things I never expected to do. And the worst part is, sometimes I find myself halfway into an action before I start questioning 'why am I doing this? Is this me?' And it’s a trick question because the answer is always yes. It's just a matter of which me, and whether the other mes can accept that course of action."

"I'm sorry Harry." She said quietly. "I never asked. I-" I waved my hand dismissively. 

"Don't worry about it Grasshopper, I'm getting on just fine. I've had time to come to terms with this stuff and while it doesn't go away it's all manageable. That's not my point." I stroked the back of her hair absently. "My point is, I know what it's like to feel like you're possessing your own body, like you're a stranger to yourself. And if someone was going through the same things and wanted someone to talk to, or just someone to tell them it was going to be okay and that it will get easier, I guess I’d just want that person to know I'm here and I get it." 

She looked up then, not quite meeting my eyes. "I don't...I can't say a lot about it. But you're right. I think the worst part is how easy it is. I've made decisions, done things that I'd never have condoned before this. And I did them because they were the right thing for Winter and because it's my responsibility... And because I could." She shuddered. "Harry, I watched you when you became the Winter Knight. You changed in a million small subtle ways, but at the end of the day you do your best to put your Knighthood aside, ignore it and just be Harry."

"That's definitely easier said than done," I told her. "Especially when I feel strongly about something, or when I'm tired. Anything that makes me less in control." 

"I don't have control anymore. Not over the Winter inside me. It's not something I can suppress, it's a part of me, of my soul if I even have one of those still. I'm connected to it at all times. It wants what I want, and I want what it wants. And it feels so right..." She looked down at her hands "I think the Council might have been right about me, Harry."

My mind reeled and I pulled her close, protectively. "Don't say that, Molls. That will never be true. You've got a good heart. If you didn’t, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"No, if _you_ didn't we wouldn't be having this conversation. I was content to stay in the closet like the monster I am." She said it like it was a joke, but I didn't think it was. 

"Stars and stones kid. We've seen monsters. You should know what a monster looks like." She stared at me for a moment and her face seemed to harden, becoming more angular. I tensed, wondering if I'd stepped over the line again. 

"Yes, I do. You taught me what the monsters look like." The sorrow in her voice rang out and I felt helpless. I would have given anything in that moment to lessen the pain, both my own aching heart and the mantle surging into overdrive. I took her face in both my hands and she felt so small, so fragile. I tried to look her in the eyes but she closed them.

"Molls, I've seen inside your soul. You're not a monster, no matter what happens. You're Molly Carpenter, your father's daughter." She smiled slightly and I continued. "And your mother's, judging by how well you can bust a man’s balls." Thankfully, that got the laugh I was hoping for. "And you're my friend. I'll always be here, right by your side, to remind you who the monsters really are, even when it's hard to tell." 

Gone was the Winter Lady, leaving just Molly in her wake. Tears started rolling down her face again and I brushed them away with my thumbs. She opened her eyes. "Harry-" That's as far as she got before I planted a kiss on her open mouth. 

For a fraction of a second, her body went stiff as a board and I thought about bolting. My brain became a litany of ohgodohgodohgodwhyamIsuchanidiotohgod. But she relaxed and kissed me back. Her cheeks were wet and warm under mine and I could taste the salt of her tears on her soft, plump lips. Her lips danced across mine, caressing them and it was almost too much. Think what those lips would feel like on your cock, said a voice in my head that I wasn't entirely convinced was the mantle, and I plunged my tongue into her, exploring the cavern of her mouth. Another moment's hesitation and she met me again, our tongues twining, seeking each other out, tasting. 

One hand slid to the back of her neck, wrapping in her hair and pressing her closer to me. I wanted to devour her, all of her, to take her pain away, leaving only warmth and pleasure. I massaged along the back of her neck and she moaned softly into my mouth. I groaned back, so hard it was painful. She pulled away and the loss was so strong I almost cried.

She was flushed, her hair mussed, and she was panting. "Wow. Um." 

"Right, uh, sorry, I'm an idiot." I was babbling and could feel that I was equally flushed. "I'll just go-" 

"No, don't!" She said quickly, a hint of desperation in her voice. "I just... Wow."

"Yeah, I..."

"You didn't have to-"

"No, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be, that was great I just, if you don’t..." 

"Don't what?" I said dumbly, 'that was great' echoing in my head. 

"Don't really want... this..." She said. 'Don't really want me.' I heard. 

"Uh, Molls, that's not my blasting rod in my pocket." She glanced down to confirm, causing us both to flush a deeper shade of crimson. "Don't worry about what I want. What do _you_ want?" 

She took a deep breath. Started to say something. Changed her mind. Started again. Took another deep breath. I was just about to tell her to forget it, to pretend this never happened when she got a determined look on her face and moved to sit astride me. She ran both hands along my thighs, fingernails dragging against the inseam of my jeans. One hand caressed my hip bone, causing my breath to catch in my throat. The other fondled my erection through my jeans and I almost came on the spot like I was 15 again. She didn't linger, instead moving her hands along the contours of my stomach, the plains of my chest, rucking up my t-shirt. She moved painfully slowly, but I could tell she wasn't teasing, just savoring the opportunity. She touched me like it was an act of worship, lingering over scars as though she could wipe them away with her fingers. It felt so good, I thought she might. I moved slightly so she could pull my shirt off and watched her eyes look me over. 

She kissed a line up through the hair on my chest, lingering to trace the line of my collarbone with her tongue until I let loose an embarrassing groan of pleasure. I could feel her smirk against my skin before she continued up, kissing my neck, lightly teasing the tendon there with her teeth. Without warning, she sucked on it hard enough to leave marks and my hips bucked up against her, my erection brushing against her thigh. 

She gasped and gave a small rich laugh, full of promises of things to come and pressed herself fully against me, nibbling gently on my ear before whispering "What I want is for you to do whatever you want with me." She tightened her thighs against me and rolled her hips once by way of demonstration.

I think I may have actually died for a moment. I've done it before and it was similar. My thoughts ran in overdrive, then stopped altogether. My breath caught in my throat and my heart constricted. I groaned, a sound of pure hunger and need that I've never made before in my life.

My lips crashed into hers, one hand returning to the back of her head, the other running down her back, cupping her ass, fondling and pulling her closer to me. I shifted her body up, so I could bite and suck at her neck, her throat. I started fumbling at her shirt, trying to undo the buttons and growing increasingly frustrated at the clumsiness of my hands until I eventually just tore it open. Buttons flew everywhere and I didn't care because she pressed her skin against mine and it was like fire, warmth washing over me. Her bra was the same blue plaid as her skirt and a small part of me wondered if she always coordinated this well or if she had had plans today. Most of me was focused on getting it off so I could, well, get us off.

Molly took pity on me (or on the bra) and released the grip she'd had on my back to undo the clasp like it was the easiest thing in the world. I ran my tongue over one nipple and she moaned, pressing into me. I took the other in my hand, rolling it between my callused fingers and she started panting. "Oh god, Harry." She purred. 

Before I knew it, I'd wrapped one hand around her upper back, one hand scooping up her tight, round ass. She picked up on the cue, wrapping her legs around me, and I lifted us both up. My plan had been to go straight for the bedroom, but she ground her hips impatiently against me, repeating my name, and I could feel her wet heat pressed against my throbbing erection. 

I growled, fighting a losing battle against the mantle, and slammed her back against the wall hard enough to rattle her framed photos on the other side of the room. I almost slowed down but she looked unphased and aroused and thoroughly sullied and I couldn't stop myself. 

I held her pinned to the wall, just suspended by her arms around my neck and her legs around my hips. "Mmm, Molly, my god." I breathed, enjoying the sight of her. I ground against her, both hands teasing her perfect nipples, groping hungrily at her breasts. My mouth found hers and I set about my original task - devouring her. 

"Harry, Harry please." She finally gasped, her hands drumming at my back. "I can't take this anymore, I need you now." I smiled hungrily and ground once more, which made her gasp then smile too and pant "Jerk." 

We continued our way to the bedroom, stopping at the foot of the stairs when I realized we couldn't continue like this and also not trip and die. Molly evidently reached the same conclusion since she slid down, taking my hand and starting up in front of me. "Come on, follow me up and we can continue this." I thought about it for a moment, decided that didn't sound like nearly enough contact and scooped her up in both hands like I was carrying my bride over the threshold and up we went. 

"You're an idiot, do you know that?" she giggled. I flashed her a grin and she laughed harder. "God, if this is just a dream I'm going to be so pissed."

I pinched her ass and she yelped. "Nope, you're not dreaming." She rolled her eyes. 

  
We reached the bedroom and I suddenly got nervous. I set her carefully down on the bed. I'd been operating on auto-pilot, letting my body call the shots, but now that I had some time to cool down the reality hit. This was a bad idea. After our conversations the other night, I was having second thoughts. Did Molly even want this or was she just responding to me? I had practically forced myself on her and...

Molly's hands were at my waist, undoing the clasp of my belt. "You need to be more naked. Like, now." She calmly informed me. And she made short work of it from her perch on the end of the bed. My belt hit the wall with a loud thump, and she leaned forward to unzip my pants with her teeth. If I'd softened a bit in my second-guessing you'd never know it because I was rock-hard at her expertise. A quick jerk and my pants were at my ankles. 

"Huh." She tutted surprised. Not what you want to hear when your throbbing cock is on display. "I never took you for a commando kind of guy."

I laughed. "I'm not. It's laundry-oh sweet stars and stones, mother of god." Mid-sentence her mouth was on me, no preamble, no warning. Her soft lips caressed my head, then slowly slid down the shaft, taking me deep into her throat. She made a contented purr and it vibrated through me like a struck chord. She bobbed gracefully up and down the length of my cock, working her throat muscles as though she intended to swallow me whole. She swirled her tongue around the tip and ran it over the slit, and my knees buckled. 

She released me for a moment, and I roughly tossed her back up the bed. She settled for me as I climbed up after her, and grabbed my bony ass in two small hands, guiding me up to finish what she'd started. I growled and tried to fight, wanting to taste her, feel her, but her grip was firm. 

"We have all night Harry." She said with a smile, her voice husky, eyes lidded. One hand lazily stroked my erection. "Just be patient and let me do this for you." She moaned, and I could feel her writhe, her other hand under her skirt. "We'll do everything you want and more. This is just the warm-up." She pushed me into her mouth with a desperate need and I moved with her, pulling slowly out, pushing gently back into the damp heat of her mouth. We moved like that for a few strokes, soft and delicate and leisurely. I'd been around this block a few times (maybe once a decade but still) and I didn't want to go too fast and cause her to choke or rush her.

I should have known better - Molly was not a slow and steady kind of girl. She pulled me out of her mouth with a slick popping sound and looked at me, one hand still working the shaft. "Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden." My Name rolled out of her mouth with a thrum of power. Hearing it from her rough, panting voice? It took every ounce of will not to cum on the spot. "If you don't stop dicking around, I will go find Bob and have him show you how a real man does it. Now fuck my face." I groaned and obliged, pounding rough and hard. There was a very small voice in the back of my head that was horrified - this was _Molly_. When did she perfect the art of the blowjob? When did she start saying things like ' fuck my face'? That voice was completely disintegrated when Molly moaned around my cock, her breasts heaving up against me. Both hands raked my back. With each thrust, she made a small sound of need, and I knew she was urging me in faster, deeper. 

"Oh my god, Molls," I gasped, my desperate, desire-laden voice sounding strange to my own ears. "I'm gonna, fuck, I'm gonna cum." I tried to pull away, but she pulled me in closer, her fingernails digging into my hips, urging me on. The velvet caress of her tongue, the noises she was making vibrating through me, the scent of her mingled with sweat and her skin against mine, it was all suddenly too much to contain. The well within me burst and I had the most mind-melting orgasm of my life to that point. 

I thought I might never stop coming. My body was impossibly loose and relaxed, everything poured out of me, leaving me feeling like a puddle of Dresden soup. I forgot where I was for a moment and almost collapsed on top of her when Molly reached up to stroke my shoulder.

I pulled out, feeling self-conscious about my sticky, softening member flopping between us and shifted down her body, while she discreetly wiped at the corner of her mouth and swallowed. I took in the sight of her, lipstick smeared, eyes blown, hair a tangled mess and I was blown away. "Molls," I said simply, quietly, cupping her face in one hand. 

"Yeah, I know," She said roughly, screwing her face up. She was still panting, her need so palpable it was practically a living thing between us. "Listen, it's fine, we don't have to do anything else. I get that you just-"

I kissed her, hard and deep. It was disturbingly arousing to taste myself on her lips, her tongue (note to self: Analyze this weirdness later.) "I believe someone promised all night and everything I wanted." I whispered against her. I pulled her lower lip into mine and nibbled gently. "Is that no longer on the table?"

I ran one hand up her leg, along her thigh. My thumb pressed light circles on her pelvic bone. "Mmm," She purred, arching up against me, meeting my hand, my body "Everything and anything. All night. All yours." 

I made an inarticulate animal noise, deep and primal, as her words hit me. All mine. I savaged her mouth, gnashing at her before putting my lips on every surface of her body that I could. I left teeth marks on her neck, running my tongue down, tasting her sweet sweat. I worshipped her nipples, sucking until she gasped, rolling my tongue in circles, flicking up and down. I called Winter just lightly and rolled each one between icy fingers and she bucked up hard underneath of me. 

"Harry!" Her cry contained volumes of need, desire, wonder, and yearning, and her hands clawed desperately at my back. I moved down further, my rapidly hardening cock (Christ, how had that happened already?) sliding against her thigh and leg. I kissed a line down the smooth, soft plane of her stomach, nibbled on the sharp juts of her pelvic bone and was rewarded with another roll of her hips. I flipped up her skirt and almost stopped. White cotton panties, complete with a little bow at the top. Hells Bells, Harry Dresden – pervert extraordinaire, seducer of girls young enough to be my daughter. 

"Mm. Don't slow down on me now you jerk!" She panted, wrapping her legs around my back and squeezing my sides with her thighs. Doubts were left on the wayside. Winter took the reins for a moment and I tore the panties off her. I was going to have to take her clothes shopping at this rate. I wrested control back, thankful to have no obstacles, and went to town. 

I had no trouble finding her clitoris as aroused as she was. I enveloped it in my mouth, running my tongue over and around, my nose nuzzled in her soft, downy hair. I breathed in the scent of her, stronger here than anywhere else, wildflowers and elderberry and that same sharp spice as before, comingled with her sweat and arousal. Her hands fisted in my hair as I ran quick circles with my tongue. She was yelling, gasping sounds that she might have intended to be words, but they just came out as noise. I slid one finger into her and she was impossibly tight. She liked to tease me about my giant hands when I fumbled my way through delicate spellwork, but I was willing to bet she wouldn't complain about my long fingers now. I crooked the finger inside of her, pressing experimentally while my tongue continued to work. "Shitfuckohmygodfuckunghah." Molly gasped above me. I grinned and kept on going. A second finger joined the first. She was so tight I thought I might lose circulation and I hesitated, worried I might be hurting her. She bore down, grinding against my fingers. "Fu-fuck, don't stop." She gasped. Again, I listened. Let it never be said that (under the right circumstances) I can't follow orders. 

Her voice became more urgent and she frantically gripped my hair, like I was the only thing anchoring her to the earth. Her back arched and I doubled my pace sawing my fingers in and out, running my tongue and lips over her pleasure center until her whole body was shaking with tension. "That's it, cum for me," I growled, grabbing her ass with my free hand and pressing hard against her soft inner wall. 

And, for what may have been the first time in our entire history of knowing each other, Molly listened to me. 

I could feel it wash over her in waves, feel her legs open and close slightly as she rode it out. "Mmm." She breathed, content, her limbs going limp as I pulled away. She was sprawled across the bed and looked thoroughly destroyed. She watched me with half-lidded eyes, and her expression was one of wanton need. 

My dick was painfully erect when I sat up. I stroked once, twice, watching her reaction. She chewed on her bottom lip, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth as she watched. "Anything and everything?" I asked, placing one hand on her thigh, pushing out slightly. I stroked again. "All mine?"

Molly swallowed then licked her lips. She hesitated for just a moment before nodding slightly. “All yours." Her voice shook as she said it. She rolled her hips, settling into a more comfortable position and opened herself to me. "Yes Harry, please." She was breathing small shallow breaths, watching my hand work my shaft with naked yearning.

I pressed the tip of my cock against her opening, brushing up and down, grinding gently against her clit. She took a gasping breath when I finally pressed in, moving slowly. Even as wet and aroused as she was, she was still insanely tight, and I worried that I might damage her if I was too rough. Her whole body was tense beneath me, taught as a bowstring. 

"Relax Molls," I said gently. I ran my hands over her knees, her thighs, rubbing circles against her pelvic bones until I felt some of the tension ease, and I moved again, a slow in and out. She bit her bottom lip again, chewing on it and exhaled hard. I got the feeling that something had changed in the last thirty seconds, but I wasn't sure what. She was so wet and so tight, clenching down on me with the most exquisite pressure, I was having trouble thinking about anything else. Without really knowing why I added "I've got you. I'm here." Punctuating it with another slow plunge and withdrawal. 

A soft moan escaped her, and she moved against me, pulling me deeper inside. I lowered myself, wrapping one arm behind her head, my chest against hers, supporting myself on just one elbow. She wrapped her arms tight around me and I picked up the pace. We moved in concert, her hips rising to meet mine, grinding against me while I moved inside her. 

"Oh god, Harry." She breathed against me. I kissed her hard and she clenched her hand against my back. "I-I." Her breath caught. "Fuck." She moaned, desperate, her voice strained, bucking hard under me "I neeeeeed, aahh, I need you." 

"Mmph," I responded intelligently. I was overcome, overwhelmed, emotion and lust and hunger thick within me. I drove deeper, harder, slamming into her so hard the headboard crashed against the wall. "Margaret Katherine Amanda Carpenter." Her Name rolled off my tongue, my voice low and gravelly, taking us both by surprise. I sounded savage, wild, and it only drove us both to a higher frenzy. Our bodies were slick with sweat. 

She was screaming with each thrust, a combination of obscenities, my name, and encouragement. "Fuck. Yes. Harr-Mmm. Don't stop. Harder. Yessss. Ungh. My goohfuunnhhh." I could feel her orgasm building, the muscles twitching, clenching harder and harder on me. Her back was arching, and she was barely breathing. I found myself repeating her name, over and over and knew I couldn't hold out much longer.

"You're - fuck - you're perfect, do you know that?" The words escaped me before I could stop myself and I couldn't care right then because she gripped me so tight I thought she might break bones. Her entire body thrummed, practically vibrating against me, and I pressed hard into her, hitting her where she wanted it the most. Her mouth gaped, moving wordlessly and she made a choked sound. She breathed out a single whispered word:

"Yours."

And together we came undone. 


	8. Chapter 8

We laid there for a long time after, neither of us moving or speaking, just breathing, entwined with each other. Her arms wrapped around me in a close embrace, her head pillowed on my arm, my head on her shoulder. The elbow supporting me had given out at some point and I was sprawled across her, the world’s most gangly blanket. In that moment of post-coital bliss, everything was perfect. I felt more at peace than I'd felt in...god, I'd never felt that at peace, at least not without being drugged, poisoned, or magically impacted in some way. 

But all good things must eventually end, and I became aware of my body all at once – my arm was going to sleep, Molly's foot was jammed painfully against my shin, my almost-limp dick was still sheathed in her and we were sitting in an ooze of cooling, sticky body fluids. 

I slowly disengaged, and as I did I felt Molly tense around me for just a moment, clinging to me still, before begrudgingly letting go.

"So. Uh." I rubbed the back of my neck self-consciously, sitting up on one side of the bed, not quite looking at Molly, not quite looking away. "W-was it good for you?" I tried for a jovial tone, but my voice shook a bit and I thought it just came off sounding awkward.

"Um." She replied. I could see her blushing out of my peripheral vision, and it made me smile after the intimacy we'd just experienced. "That. That may be an understatement." 

I laughed. Yes, it certainly was for me. Mind-blowing. Earth-shattering. Life-changing. My brain was still a rush of endorphins but was suddenly filled with a surge of all of my prior misgivings as well. That was the best sex I've ever had. I had it with the daughter of the best man I'd ever known. She said she was all mine. She was literally young enough to be my daughter. She had enjoyed herself. Or had she just pretended to, since you know she'd do anything to make you happy, even to her own detriment?

"I'm going to go take a shower," I said, probably a bit too suddenly and definitely a bit too loudly. 

"Oh." Molly sounded surprised and something else - disappointed? Maybe even hurt? "Um, okay. I thought..." She shook her head as though clearing her thoughts and flashed a small smile. If I didn't know her, hadn't seen that exact smile before, I might have thought it was genuine. "Never mind, that sounds good. You can use the master bathroom and I’ll use the one downstairs. The further you are from my water heater the better off we'll be." One side of her mouth quirked up in a wry grin. 

I knew I should say something, but I didn't know what, and I was barely staving off a panic attack myself, so I gave her my own half-hearted smile in return. "Good thinking Gr-Molls." I stumbled over her nickname and knew she caught it, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't call her Grasshopper, not with the taste of her on my tongue, my seed cooling between her thighs. My god, we hadn't even used protection, my brain screamed. And I stood and bolted for the bathroom door before my mouth followed suit.

"Th-there are towels on the shelf in there." She called as I shut the door, leaning against it wearily. Her voice was thick with tears and I felt like the world's biggest asshole.

"Tha-" I started to say, but the words rasped out, too quiet in my raw throat to make it into the other room. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Thank you." There was no response. I paused, then said "Molly?" 

There was another pause, then "Yeah, Harry?" Small and trembling, but trying to hide it in an even, normal tone. 

"I..." What was I even going to say? A million thoughts rushed to pour out of my mouth – reassurances, apologies, declarations and propositions and self-recrimination and pleas – and I knew if I let even one out, they'd all pour out and it would end badly, so I shut my mouth for a moment then said. "Thank you. Let's... Let's talk once we're cleaned up, okay?" 

Silence followed by a cautious "Okay." I heard her footsteps moving away from the door, then softly padding down the stairs, and I sighed heavily. 

Well, this night had gotten away from me. 

I turned around, and the sight of the walk-in shower (one of those deluxe, all glass and smooth tile numbers with two shower heads and a built-in bench on the wall) combined with the promise of hot water was almost enough to make me rise to the occasion for a third time. 

I ached everywhere, mentally and (disturbingly) physically. When I caught sight of myself in the floor-length mirror on the back of the door that made more sense. I was covered in at least a dozen fresh bruises. A ring around my wrist where she'd grabbed me in the Carpenters’ dining room. Fingerprints on my ass from her pulling me into her mouth. The imprint of her knuckles on my chest from her pinning me against the wall. Fist-sized marks on my upper back and shoulders where she'd gripped me tight and lines across my hips from her legs doing the same. Long, red welts across my lower back clearly scored by her fingernails - when had she even done that? I felt a tingle run down my spine, equal parts fear and arousal. 

The steam and hot water from the shower felt sinfully good on my bruised skin. I reviewed the night’s events and tried to put my thoughts and emotions into order. 

Molly had known me for most of her life. I was a dark, mysterious figure who fought monsters with her dad, and I'd been her hero since the first time she saw me. As she got older, became a teenager, that feeling grew. We soul gazed and that had only made it worse somehow. I had saved her life and while I didn't realize it at the time, I'd become her idol. She wanted...everything. She’d wanted to sleep with me, and to be me, and above all to please me, to make me proud. That last one she’d already done a million times over. Sometimes I thought I was prouder of Molly than Michael himself. 

But that desire had taken us to some dark places in the past. She tried too hard, doing things she wasn't comfortable with, just because she thought I'd want her to. That first night she became my apprentice, she'd knelt naked before me and she'd been terrified of what I might do, what she was offering. But if I'd been a weaker man, a perverse sadist (like my own former mentor, a small voice said, and I shut it up quickly – I had enough on my plate without bringing Justin issues into this) she'd have gone along with it. The look on her face was one of fear, but also determination, and trust. With a sudden pang, I realized it wasn't that different from the look she'd given me tonight. "All mine?" I'd asked stupidly, letting my dick do the talking. And she'd agreed with a trembling voice. My stomach lurched, and I fought to keep from throwing up, sitting down on the bench.

I thought we'd moved past her need to prove herself to me, her desire to please me that superseded her own wants and needs, but I'd been wrong in the past. Was that what had happened tonight? I mean, we'd been playing hot and cold for a few days now but before she'd always stopped me. Or herself. She'd wanted this, but had she actually wanted to do it? Or was she just doing it to shut me up?

I let out a very masculine noise of surprise which was definitely not a girly scream thank you very much at the sight of another man suddenly standing in the shower with me. The bastard stood there, his naked body a twin of my own except for the goatee and he sighed at me. 

"You're killing me, Harry."

"Great. You. Just what I need." I sniped. 

"Yes." My subconscious hissed. "Literally exactly what you need, you idiot.” His tone threw me for a loop for a moment. Normally he was composed and controlled. Everything that outward me so rarely is. But now he seemed...unhinged. I swallowed. 

"Okay." I took a deep breath. "Tell me what just happened."

"We had mind-blowing, spine-tingling, life-altering sex with Molly Carpenter." He said, smirking and raising one eyebrow. "You were there."

"Har har. You forgot earth-shattering." He shrugged. "You know what I mean."

"Yes, you want me to help you overthink it."

"No, I want you to help me think it period. There was no thinking going on and I’m pretty sure I fucked things up, big time." I put my head in my hands.

He made a noncommittal noise. "Not yet, but the night is still young, and you do have a propensity for it. You're worried she slept with you to make you happy, to please you."

It wasn't a question, but I said "Yes." anyway. He didn't say anything, so I added hesitantly "D-did she?"

"We're not psychic, but if I was a betting man I'd put a lot of money on 'resounding yes'." I groaned and saw her in my mind’s eye, telling me she wanted me to do whatever I wanted to her. My stomach lurched again. "But as usual you're asking the wrong question." 

That brought me out of my reverie. "What?"

"The question isn't whether she did everything tonight to please you. The question is why that matters." I started to sputter, protests about coercion and taking advantage and consent all fighting to decide which would come first, but NegaHarry pressed the attack. "Stars and stones Harry, did you have sex with her because you wanted to please _her_? Yes! You both wanted to give each other pleasure, to comfort each other with your bodies and to receive that comfort in return. No one did anything against their will tonight. Look at your bruises – If she didn't want to do something, don't you think she could have stopped you with minimal effort?"

I frowned. He had a good point, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of agreeing. "It's still wrong. I'm her mentor and-"

"No, you're not. You haven't been her mentor since you tried that pity party after you broke your back. If she's apprenticed to anyone, and I doubt she considers herself so, it's to the Leanansidhe and ultimately Mab." 

I rocked back and sucked on my teeth. "You may be right." I conceded.

"Of course I'm right." He said simply. "If anything, she's in a position of power over you. Do you feel taken advantage of?"

"Of course not." I snapped.

"Then I doubt Molly does either." He said wryly.

“But…I mean, I tried the other day and she shot me down. I don't think she really wanted this. She's just-“

“Of course she wanted it. She told you the other day that she wanted you. She's been very clear on that matter. What she said was that she was worried she'd hurt you. Given the state of your body, I imagine that's a real concern with other men.” He sighed at me. “Don't flatter yourself. You’re not Thomas. She wasn't powerless to resist you. Maybe she thought about it while she was on her ‘business trip’, maybe she just decided to give it a try, either way, she made her decision. You had little to do with it.” He looked me over. "Now, give me the one that's really bothering you."

"She's a kid!" I blurted out and the words just kept coming "I've known her since she was too young for even a training bra. I’m old enough to be her dad. Hell, if Elaine and I had been less careful, we could literally have a kid her age. I'm a creepy old pedophile and," I paused, the memory filling me with utter horror. "Hells bells. Her panties."

My subconscious covered his mouth with one hand, as though he were thinking, but I got the impression that he was hiding a smile. "Yes, Harry, her dastardly cotton panties."

"It's just wrong!" I argued, "Christ, I'm someone's actual father, and I just fingered a girl wearing white cotton panties with a fucking bow."

"Mm." He agreed "And a Catholic schoolgirl uniform." I groaned, and he finally laughed "Oh come on. You're not the only guy to be turned on by the 'I'm a good little girl, please corrupt me' look. If you were, she wouldn't have been wearing that outfit." I blinked slowly. "Come on Harry. You know she's not an innocent little girl. At 17 she had a body full of piercings and had run away from home. She's the Winter Lady, a title previously held by sex minx Maeve. And there's no way that was her first time giving head because no one has that much raw talent." He shook his head. "Transcendent. Her mouth. My god."

"She's still too young, innocent or not," I said stubbornly, folding my arms.

"Ah yes. I know age is important to you. That's why you refused to sleep with Anastacia, who had already seen several decades come and go by the time your mother was born. Fifteen years is important, so I'm sure 150 is just downright immoral." He paused "Or is it different because she was using the body of someone ten years younger than you? Or maybe because you were the younger of the two and you have a different set of rules for people with an excess of testosterone?" And just like that, he'd destroyed all of my hang-ups. He sighed again. "Listen, I'm not saying there aren't obstacles here. I don't know how Molly feels. I think this meant something to her too, something good, but..." He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "At the end of the day, I only know what you know. But you need to know... You both wanted this to happen. She isn't a teenager anymore. It's okay for you to notice her, to want her, and also to want to be with her. Christ, it's about time you settled down with someone."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and why aren't I a doctor yet? Thanks, ma."

He snorted then gave me a level look. "Don't fuck this up, Harry. If you ruin this, I swear to god I will send you wet dreams about the Merlin for the rest of our life."

I opened my eyes with a start. I'd either fallen asleep or passed out. Of course. I hadn't been out too long, because the water was still hot, and my fingers weren't pruney yet. I thought about my conversation with myself and relaxed. I was right. Of course. 

I washed everywhere, using her body wash and smiling when I realized I'd smell like her. I felt good. This could work, I thought. I mean, I'd been planning on discussing a potential relationship with her tonight, with or without sex, whichever she needed. I just hadn’t had much hope that she’d say yes. But after recent events...'I need you' she'd said, clinging to me. I knew it was probably just pillow talk. After all, I'd heard a lot of things during sex, some from my own mouth, that hadn't really meant anything.

But I still carried myself a little lighter, chest puffed slightly, humming tunelessly to myself as I wrapped a towel around my waist and combed my hair with my fingers. I wondered idly if Michael would kill me if he found out. He'd always been a solid rock of patience and understanding, even at my worst he'd just offered a shoulder to lean on and told me he would always be my friend and he'd always love me. I thought about his daughter's lips under mine and decided it was worth the aftermath. 

I was warm all over, a rare feeling lately, and I felt clean, purged and ready to face the music. I opened the door and stepped back into the bedroom. Much like every other time I'd felt ready for something in my life, I was not prepared for several of the sights I'd see in that room.

The first thing I was not prepared for was the sight of Molly Carpenter bent over the bed, changing the sheets in nothing but a pair of tiny black shorts and my t-shirt. It was long on her, but not long enough to cover the swell of her ass cheeks peeking out from under the fabric of her shorts like two ripe peaches. For a moment I thought about just skipping the conversation and going straight for a reprisal of our prior activities, but then she turned and looked up at me with a small smile on her face and I knew I needed to know what she felt before we went any farther. 

"Nice shirt," I said, taking a few steps toward her. 

"You can have it back if you want." She said a bit too quickly. "I mean, I'll definitely give it back, either way, I just thought, it needed to be washed anyway and so I went to throw it in the wash but then I picked it up and it was comfortable and I hadn't gotten dressed yet but I'd already set clothes out for you and so I just put it on and-"

"You should keep it. It looks good on you." I told her, grabbing the pile of folded clothes from the nightstand. She blushed and ducked her head.

"Thanks. But that towel looks awful on you. You should just take it off." 

I barked out a laugh, surprised, but I let the towel drop. My confidence wavered, and I did my best to stand tall, suck in my gut and try not to look as awkward and embarrassed as I felt. She ran a critical eye over me, stem to stern and for some reason seemed to like what she saw. She stood there leering greedily for a long time like she was trying to memorize the very sight of me before I self-consciously coughed. "Uh, Molls, it's kinda cold. Think I could put some clothes on?" 

She tried to shrug nonchalantly "Hey, no one's stopping you. I'm just uh. Just making the bed here." 

I smiled and pulled on the pair of boxers she'd set out. I frowned at her selection of pants - a pair of pajama bottoms with a drawstring and a logo I didn't recognize repeated across it. I glanced at her.

"It's the Hogwarts crest." She said with a straight face, before putting on a ridiculous accent to inform me "Yer a wizard, Harry." I rolled my eyes, but the pants were comfortable and fit perfectly so I couldn’t complain.

"Okay, we should really have a talk." I sat on the edge of the bed and patted for her to sit down next to me. "Before I say anything, I'd like to know how you honestly feel and-" I reached for the shirt when I saw the second sight I wasn't prepared for and froze in place.

I hadn't paid much attention to the scenery in the room when we entered, but I dimly recalled white sheets on the bed. Molly had stripped them during my shower and threw them in a pile by the door, presumably to take out to the laundry room, but they hadn't made it out yet. They were also unmistakably spotted red. 

"Molly, is that, is that blood?" I asked knowing the answer. 

"What?" She followed my gaze and blushed “Oh, um, yeah, sorry I wanted to get those taken care of before you-"

"Are you okay?" I immediately started looking her over, inspecting her for wounds. "I didn't... hurt you... did I?" I asked horrified. I'd done my best to keep Winter in check, and for the most part, had succeeded. I hadn't thought I'd done anything to injure her, especially not to draw blood. 

"No, Harry it’s not... I'm not hurt. I... It's... Can you just pretend you didn't see it?" Her face was bright red. 

"Molls. Whatever it is, you don't need to be embarrassed, I just want to make sure you're okay. Do you need me to..." I stopped, realization dawning on me and my eyes went wide. "Molly. Was that... Was I...I wasn't... Your first?" I practically whispered it. 

If her face was any redder, she'd have glowed in the dark. "No, of course not. I've been with a couple of guys, and a couple of girls too for that matter." She stuck out her chin as if challenging me to say something about it. Then she lowered her eyes. "But...yeah it was my first time... Like that." 

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. Harry Dresden – wizard for hire, defiler of virgins. I was lost in my own thoughts for a moment but became aware that Molly had continued talking "-not _that_ big a deal, okay? It's not like I was a virgin-virgin, y'know? I've been around the block a few times. I let Nelson do me in the ass and I've been fingered before and, it's not like I was saving myself for marriage or anything. The mantle won’t let me do it with anyone else and before that, I guess I just didn't want to give it up until I found the right guy and I mean I wasn't specifically waiting for you but I guess I did hope it would be someone like you because you have to know between you and dad you've set the bar really high for 'the right guy' and okay, I guess I really wanted it to be you, I just didn't think it would ever happen because you've said no so many times in the past and I definitely didn't think it would be on a one-night stand like this, but I don't regret it and I'm glad it was you, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you but really it’s not that big of a deal and-"

"One-night stand?" I repeated.

"Well, yeah. Like I said, I didn't imagine it like that, but I don't regret a thing and-" I took her hands in mine. 

"I... Molls, I didn't want this to be a one-time thing for us." 

She arched an eyebrow and responded dryly “It was clearly a multiple-time thing." I waved an impatient hand. 

"No, not that. I mean... You have to know by now that I don't do one-night stands. I didn't come over here intending to just get you in the sack and leave before breakfast."

"I know." She sighed. "But I don't think I'll have the concentration to work on Little Chicago tonight. We should probably just go to bed, pretend tonight never happened and take a look in the morning."

"If that's what you want," I said carefully "We can do that. But before we pretend it never happened, I'd like to know how you honestly feel about me. About us." 

She looked at me sharply. "Us?" She demanded, making an indignant noise deep in her throat. "Harry, please don't make this harder on me than it already is, okay? I...I know how you feel about me. You don't need to make this into some big thing, just because we got a little crazy and let things get out of hand. I'm not so naive that I think sex means more than just pure animal attraction, especially given our mantles, and I know better than to believe pillow talk." Her words were bitter, and I could feel her pulling away, feel her slipping into Winter. I took her hands in mine again, rubbing my thumbs across her knuckles. When she spoke again her voice was small and fragile and it made my heart ache. "Please don't make me say it. My feelings have never changed for you, Harry. Not for one moment."

I watched her for a moment. "Mine haven't changed much either." She laughed a humorless laugh. "No, wait, listen. I still wouldn’t sleep with my apprentice. It's an abuse of power, even if she's willing. I won't sleep with someone who is under age or barely legal, even if she's throwing herself at me and has the body of a Nordic goddess." Her face flushed again, but she smirked slightly. "I also don't sleep around. I need to have a connection with someone first. I like women who are kind, and thoughtful, but also smart, and strong and capable."

"Like Susan and Murphy," Molly said, the bitterness returning to her voice and features.

"Yes." I conceded "And also like you." I saw her eyes widen slightly, her lips part. "You're not my apprentice anymore Molly. And you're certainly no longer a child. I've been thinking about this for a month or so now, and I've been trying to figure out how to tell you for the past week. You're... You're my best friend. You know me better than anyone else, probably better than I know myself, actually. I really want to be with you, and I'm scared of ruining our friendship but-"

"What?" Molly asked, as though she hadn't heard me. 

"I’m scared of ruining our friendship, but I really want to be with you?" I repeated, my heart leaping in my chest. 

"You really want to be with me." She repeated, and there was an edge to her voice.

"Yeah, Molls, I really do." 

There was a beat. "And you knew that for an entire month?" She asked, incredulous. Uh oh. 

"Um. Or so. Yes?"

"So you're telling me,” she practically shouted, "that I could have been having mind-blowingly great sex with you for a month now if you'd just been less of a chicken?" The tension went out of me in a rush and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"Yeah, I guess so." I grinned like an idiot and she couldn't keep a straight face. "But we could do it twice as often if you'd like. To make up for lost time."

"God you are such a dork." She said, rolling her eyes with a smile. "You never needed to be nervous. I've always been a sure thing for you, Harry. You know that. I was worried but…well like I said, I can’t say no."

"You said it a few times this week. Plus, being willing to sleep with someone you’ve had a crush on and being willing to have an actual relationship are two different things. I couldn't – can’t – be sure how you feel.” I stared down at my hands.

"You want a relationship?" She asked in surprise. "Like, going on dates, meeting each other’s friends and family, calling each other pet names, relationship?"

"We already know each other’s friends and family, but otherwise… I don’t do casual." I said, trying to sound nonchalant. "You know that."

"Yeah, I do, I just never thought-"She shook her head twice, trying to clear her thoughts. "I swear I'm going to be so pissed off if this is a dream. Yeah, Harry you big lump, I want that too."

I smiled, cupping her face in one hand, tracing her cheekbone with my thumb. "I meant it, you know?"

"Meant what?" 

"You are perfect." I kissed her soundly. "My Molly," I said against her lips. 

She returned the kiss with equal passion and her whole face lit up with a smile. "All yours." 

We settled back into her bed, and I wrapped one arm protectively around her while she laid on my naked chest, running her fingers through the hairs she found there, tracing every line and scar. I nuzzled gently against her head, breathing in the scent of her hair again, stroking up and down her back.

"Harry?" She asked quietly, her voice muffled, half pressed into my chest.

"Mm?" I murmured softly. 

"This is real, right? I'm not dreaming, this isn't some trick of-" she swallowed the name that had been on her lips "of the Winter Queen?"

"No, Molls. I'm actually me, actually here, of my own free will." I took a deep breath. "She definitely didn't send me and I'm honestly worried about what her reaction is going to be to... this, us."

"Mm. Probably not good," She agreed. "She doesn't like to share her toys." 

"Heh. I thought the same thing.” My smile faded just as quickly as it formed. “We don't have to tell her."

Molly snorted. "You're right, we don't. I'm sure she'll just know. Probably already knows." 

"I'm not half as scared of her as I am of Charity." I pressed a kiss against her head and we both laughed. 

"And they say you have no survival instincts."

"They? Who's they?" I said in between more kisses. 

"Everyone who has ever met you. Many who haven't." She rolled over so that she was laying on top of me, one of her legs twining between mine. "Let's not tell anyone for a while."

"You want me to be your dirty little secret?" I asked, running my hands along her sides, down her back. Feeling her under my shirt. 

"I just want you all to myself for a while. I want to enjoy this without judgment or drama. Laying here with you...it's the first time I've felt really normal since...well, in a long time." She kissed me fiercely, which caused her to press against me in all manner of wonderful ways. "I just want to stay in bed with you and pretend that the world outside of this room doesn't exist." 

I kissed her back, our mouths opening for each other, tasting and teasing. "Mm, you make a persuasive argument, Ms. Carpenter." She moved, kissing my chin, my throat. She nipped at my collarbone and I felt a moan escape my throat. "Very persuasive." 

I felt her lips curve into a smile against my skin. "What can I say. I've had a lot of time to think about what I'd like to do if I ever got you in a bed with me." She hitched her hips and resituated so that when she lowered them again, she was right on top of my hardening member. She ground down hard against me and we both gasped. "Mm. That's nice but I think I'd like it more if you were naked." She snapped her fingers and suddenly my pants and underwear were just gone, the only thing between her skin and mine the thin fabric patch of her shorts. 

"Stars and stones! How did you do that? That's not even-" my brain stopped functioning for a moment as she ground down again. 

"The new job isn't without its perks," Molly informed me breathlessly as she continued rolling her hips, shamelessly grinding herself against my exposed cock. 

"That is deeply disturbing – uumph – and also extremely hot." I clutched her hips and thrust up right as she bore down, and she graced me with a surprised cry of pleasure. "If you keep this up, I'm going to have no choice but to fuck you," I growled. Shit, where had that come from?

"Oh, is that right?" She rolled her body again and suddenly her shorts were gone and her slick, hot skin was pressed against mine. "Mm. Damn. I guess you have no choice now." She teased. 

I started to put action to words but remembered at the last moment and stopped myself. "Wait. Do you – ungh – um, condoms?” I panted.

"No,” she grunted, taking me in hand. “Don’t need them."

I pulled away slightly (as much as one can when the other person's hand is wrapped around your johnson) and pressed a hand to her chest. "Uh, don't take this the wrong way but, yeah, we do. The last time I went bareback I ended up being a surprise dad. Maggie's great but I think we should give it a while before we decide on whether or not she should remain an only child." 

Molly slumped back a bit. "Yeah, that's... no longer a concern for me. Winter _Lady_ , remember?" She looked away and chewed on her bottom lip. "The mantle won’t let me get pregnant, even if I wanted to.”

"Oh." I felt like an idiot for the fiftieth time that night and just stayed silent for a moment. Molly and I had never talked about it before, but I'd always imagined her to be the type to have a few kids of her own one day. She was great with her younger siblings and Maggie, and while she frequently complained about and to them, it was always good-natured teasing. I thought of Lily, screaming at me that all she'd ever wanted was a husband and a family. At the time I’d assumed she meant she couldn't have that because it was impractical or against the rules. "I'm sorry." 

"It's fine." Her voice said it wasn’t, but I didn't press it. "You’re actually the first guy that I’ve been able to…err…be with that the mantle hasn’t stopped so I guess it’s not an issue. The point is, neither of us can get STIs and I can't get knocked up so...we're good." She said with a shrug before turning back to me with a smile plastered on her face "Anyway, I believe someone said something about fucking me?"

I started to tell her we didn't have to, that we could just lay in bed and I'd hold her, but the look on her face was fierce and intense and I knew it would be a mistake to offer pity or comfort in that moment. As if to accentuate the point, she pulled off her(my?) shirt (the old-fashioned way this time) and put my hands on her tits while grinding down with her hips. Happy to oblige, I ran my hands over her breasts, groping hungrily and I thrust up against her. She huffed out a breath and settled back a bit, angling to take me in.

"No need to rush, I'll go gentle and we'll-" I was going to say 'ease it in' but Molly evidently had no such concerns. She climbed on top and took me all at once in a quick rough move. I heard her gasp as my eyes rolled into the back of my head from the sudden rush of sensation. Molly had gone still on top of me and her eyes were clenched tight. "You okay?" I asked, trying not to move in any way. She nodded and pumped her hips hard, which elicited another sharp gasp. "We can go slower, it's normal to need-"

"Harry," she growled, “Just shut up and fuck me, okay?" And with that, she started moving again, at a quicker pace. I could feel her body tense and see the pain in her face, but she kept going, harder and harder. I struggled to keep up, thrusting up in time with her. She shouted with each thrust, each push, her muscles tight against me. 

At some point, I lost myself in it. I tried to roll her over, wrest control, but she just rolled me back over again and locked my arms with hers. I snarled at her and she smirked, driving herself against me so hard our hips slapped. Eventually, she came with her legs wrapped around my hips, our arms around each other, riding me so hard I thought she might break me. Her fingers pulled my hair and I kissed her throat, feeling her racing pulse beneath my lips while her body was wracked by waves of pleasure. She screamed my name, pure passion, and desire in every sound and before I knew it, I was coming inside her, relishing the feeling of filling her up. 


	9. Chapter 9

Once I was spent, we both collapsed. "Mmm. Let's never not do that." Molly purred, stretching and pressing the full length of her body against me in the process. 

"I hate to break this to you, but if we keep doing _that_ , I may die of exhaustion. I'm not as young as I used to be." 

"Hmm. Okay, I guess we can take occasional breaks for food and sleep if you're going to insist." As if on cue my stomach grumbled. We both laughed. "Okay, I'm going to go clean myself up. Feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen." 

I nodded but lay in bed for a while after she got up, just enjoying the lassitude that had suffused my limbs. I felt better – physically and mentally – than I'd felt in forever. When I eventually convinced myself to go find food, I was surprised to find the clothes that had disappeared were now folded on the bedside table again. I got dressed and padded downstairs. 

Twenty minutes later, Molly slid her hands around my waist from behind. "I was half-convinced you'd bolt." 

"You're not getting rid of me that easily," I said elegantly around a mouthful of sugary cereal. 

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk with your mouth full?" She laughed, moving around me to root around in the fridge. 

"Nope," I told her honestly. She winced, resurfacing with a tub of yogurt. 

"Sorry, I didn't think about it." She said. 

"What? Oh, no big deal, that's all old news. Plus, I'm your problem now." I gave her my patented ‘I think I'm clever and am proud of it but really I just look like the idiot I am' look and she snorted. 

"You've always been my problem, Harry. The only difference is I get to kiss you now." And she did. 

The rest of the night was quiet but wonderful. It was a little awkward and we were both definitely nervous. After all, sex was the easy part. If you're even halfway familiar with what you're doing, and you're willing to put in at least a minimal amount of effort to ensure the other party gets off, it's not likely to be a colossal fuck up, at least. More importantly, you don't need to think about sex. Once you get going, you just let your body take over and shut your brain off for a bit. 

We'd already established that we worked well at that part, and we both knew how the other felt about us in a carnal manner. This was different. This was the real make or break your heart stuff. We ate in silence, both staring out her kitchen window into the back yard. It was too dark for me to see anything, especially with the lights still on inside, but I watched her track something back and forth with her eyes.

"What's out there?” I finally asked, my fingers twitching toward where my blasting rod would have been if I hadn't left it in the umbrella stand. 

"Huh? Oh, nothing, just the tire swing moving in the wind." She flushed lightly "Sorry to worry you."

"No, no problem," I said quickly, wondering how good your night vision would need to be to see the tire swing all the way at the back of the yard. I stood up to put my bowl in the sink. "It's just, you know me, if I get too happy the universe has a way of getting back at me. Like finding out you've been brainwashed or giving me a bullet to the chest." In half a heartbeat she was standing in front of me, holding my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. 

"Harry." I tensed, hearing the chill tone of the Lady in her solemn voice. "Do not ever mention that again. Not even in jest."

"Okay. But it’s over, I'm-"

"Give me your word. Now. This is not a question." Her eyes were like the full moon itself, orbs of harsh light, bright and cold and wild. 

"I promise, Molly. I will not mention anything regarding my... shooting... around you unless you ask me to." My suicide attempt, we both knew, but I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud and I think she was grateful for it. "But I want you to know, if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here." 

She shook her head fiercely and wrapped her arms tightly around me, burying her face in my chest. "No. Don't like thinking about it. Don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget. Don't make me, please." 

"Okay, you're okay, I'm here and we don't need to talk about anything you don't want to. Come on, let's go sit on the couch or something."

"Uh uh, I don't want to let you go." She pouted. It was playful, but she hadn't relaxed her grip at all. 

"Okay, but I'm going to go sit in the living room, so I guess I’ll just have to..." I picked her up around the waist, lifting her off the ground just enough to allow me to walk. 

"Hey, no fair!" She laughed. When I kept going, she pounded lightly against my chest with two fists “You brute, you brute, put me down." 

"Ungh. Me find pretty lady. Take her back to cave for wild monkey sex." I tossed her over one shoulder and she started laughing hysterically, flailing her arms and legs. I tossed her lightly onto the couch and flopped down next to her. 

"So, where's the monkey sexing?" She asked after a moment. 

"I'm an old man, I don't have another round of sex in me, monkey or otherwise," I told her. It wasn't entirely true. With the mantle, I could conceivably go for days straight without stopping. But under the mantle I still had my old Harry Dresden body and that body would not have been able to go again without help, so I wasn't going to press it. "You'll just have to wait for tomorrow." 

"Ooooh, I can't wait." Her eyes glowed. "I wonder what monkey sex is like!" We both laughed, and I leaned over to kiss her softly. "That's real." She whispered, our faces still so close our noses touched. "You really kissed me."

"Mm." I agreed “I really did. And I intend to do it again. A lot." She kissed me. 

"I'm sorry, it's just, it feels weird, you know? I'm so used to seeing you and wishing you'd kiss me or thinking about kissing you and...now I can." 

"I know what you mean." I agreed. We kissed again, to prove that we could. "Every time I touch you my brain just screams at me 'what are you doing? Must not act on inappropriate urges' but you know, I can and I will." 

"Why now, Harry? Why me and why now?" She didn't hide how desperate she was to know, how worried she was about the answer.

"Because I'm dense and stupid and I don't notice things that are right in front of me. I've had feelings for you for a long time if I'm being honest, probably longer than I should have. It just took someone pointing it out, frequently, for me to recognize that." 

"Murphy?" She guessed, her eyes going steely.

"Yeah, Murphy. That's part of what made it not work out with us. She knew, even if I didn't and she couldn't get past it." 

Molly laughed humorlessly. "Funny, I always thought it would be her. That even if I got a chance with you, I'd only be a stepping stone on your way to Murphy. "

I ran my hand down her arm. "I...well, you know. I thought she was the one too. But there are parts of me she'll never know, things I've done that she'll never understand. With you it’s different. Easy to carry my burdens, easy to be myself." 

"You're sure?" Her voice was small, and it brought tears to my eyes to know that I’d contributed to the pain there. "This isn't just a rebound, just something to piss off your ex?"

"Molly, which seems more plausible? I, Harry Dresden, am choosing to pursue a fake relationship to hurt Murphy, in the process hurting you and maybe even getting myself killed. Or I, Harry Dresden, am an idiot on an unfathomable scale and was so out of touch that I didn't even recognize my own romantic feelings?" 

"On the one hand, I generally assume that whatever is most likely to get you injured or killed is your preferred course of action. On the other, you are an oblivious idiot." She smiled fondly. "Okay, I just had to be sure."

"What about you?" I asked. "Why me? Why _still_ me?" 

"Why anyone but you, is more like it." She said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "It used to just be fascination. You were cool and dangerous but in a safe way, and my mom hated you, so it was a plus. Then it was something more - you saved me, body and soul. You said it yourself. It was like my mom and dad, you saved me from the dragon, my...wizard in shining trench coat." I noted her careful avoidance of calling me her knight and filed it away under things to investigate later.

"And then there was the added spice of the forbidden. I couldn't have you and you couldn't have me. But all of that was mostly teenager stuff, you know?" She took a deep breath, tucked her hair back behind her ears. "It was little things over a long period of time that did me in. Pretending you're not afraid because everyone is looking to you to stop the big bad. Asking me to stay and man the phones because you knew I wanted to help but you also knew I wasn't ready to handle something, and you didn't want to hurt my pride. The way you couldn't stop caring, stop fighting, even when you were...gone. The look in your eyes when you set your mind to do something and have already decided that its irrelevant that it’s impossible. You care deeply and without reservation and you're just...so human, in the best way possible." She thought for a moment "Plus you're pretty cut for a nerd who quotes Star Wars and plays Dungeons and Dragons and I've recently learned you give great head, so, there's that." 

"..." my mouth worked, trying to find words, but nothing came out. Finally, I settled for just pulling her close against me in a hug that probably would have cracked her ribs if she were anyone else. "Thank you," I whispered. 

"Don't be stupid," She said, "I was just telling the truth." But she hugged me back and nuzzled against my chest. 

We sat like that for a long time, curled against one another on her couch, my fingers stroking her back, her hair, her head on my chest. It was almost the same way we’d sat on her birthday, but it felt so different, a thousand times better. Eventually, I found myself waking up before I realized I'd fallen asleep and Molly was snoring softly. 

I kissed her forehead which caused her to smile. "Mm. I must still be dreaming." She murmured sleepily when I kissed her lips, her eyes still closed. I scooped her up and carried her upstairs again. She protested feebly but I think we both secretly liked it. I bent slightly to set her down on the bed and in the time it took me to stand up straight she was already down to nothing but her underwear. "S'cold." She complained with the slurred petulance of the truly sleepy. I laughed and got her tucked under the blanket. "Still cold. Always cold." She muttered, frowning. 

"Just give me a moment to get undressed and I'll keep you warm.” She opened one eye halfway and cast a glance at me. Her expression softened, and she shut her eyes again.

"I've been having the best dreams about you." She waved one hand half-heartedly and I found myself in just boxers. 

"You've got to explain to me how you do that," I told her, climbing in under the covers. 

"Secrets, sir knight." The chill in her voice, suddenly clear and strong, sent shivers down my spine. I froze in place. "Nothing for nothing. If you want knowledge, you must offer something in return.” Molly looked exactly the same, still mostly asleep in the same position. Her lips moved but her face never changed, except for the small Cheshire Cat grin curling her lips.

"No, thank you. I offer you nothing. I want nothing in return." I said in a carefully measured tone. A rich chuckle bubbled up from her throat, and it was painful to hear like someone had taken a jackhammer to my skull. Then Molly stirred, shifting toward me and unconsciously brushing one arm against my chest. Her eyes opened slightly in surprise and they were her normal cornflower blue. 

"Harry." She blinked a few times. "You're still here." 

"I can go if you want." My voice was a little too level, a little too out of breath, but thankfully Molly was too out of it to notice. I knew what her answer would be. 

"No, stay. It's warm when you're close." She cuddled up to me, using my chest as a pillow, and threw one leg over mine, her arm across my stomach. I wrapped an arm protectively around her, staring at the ceiling. I heard a strange noise to my side and looked down to find that I'd clenched my fist so tight against the sheets that I'd actually ripped it, scraps of fabric in my hand. I went through my breathing exercises, calming myself down before I accidentally set something on fire. The anger settled into a cold steel resolve at the pit of my stomach and in the back of my mind I wished I had a mirror so I could see the look Molly mentioned earlier - my mind was set, and I didn't care that it was impossible, I would stop at nothing to keep Molly safe and whole, to remove her mantle and somehow not get either of us killed in the process. 

"Oh! You're still here!" I woke to kisses covering my face and a soft naked body half thrown over mine. My sleep-addled mind tried to ascertain what was going on. While most of me screamed that this was an attack of some kind, something told me not to retaliate.

I opened my eyes to find myself in a sunlit room, sprawled on my back on a giant bed which was impossibly soft, with a mostly naked Molly Carpenter wrapped around me under thick blankets. She was looking at me with wonder in her eyes. It almost made me not want to murder her for waking me up. Then the rest of the brain caught up with me and I remembered why I was here and what had happened last night. 

"Someone said I could stay for breakfast," my voice was strained as I stretched out. 

"Are these bruises from me?" She asked, running her hands over my body. 

"Most of them." I conceded "But they don't hurt and..."

"And?" She prompted. I could feel my face flush.

"I kind of like them. Every time I see one I remember where it came from. It’s sort of like you're claiming me as your territory."

"I never pegged you as the sort of guy who'd want to be claimed." 

"Neither did I. But I find myself wanting all sorts of things I didn't think I'd wanted before." My voice sounded seductive, even to my own ears. 

"Mmm." She purred, stretching the full length of her body against me. Her hand found the tent I was pitching in my boxers and rubbed gently. "Like eager, young, recently deflowered blondes?" 

"No, like sultry women who know what they want and aren't afraid to tell you, who like it hard and rough and fiery," I growled. 

She laughed, blushing. "How could someone be into you and not like it fiery?" I laughed too, but she picked up speed with her hand and soon had me gasping. 

We spent a pleasant morning in bed, sharing our bodies, bringing each other to the edge and over, again and again. When we finally separated I lay sprawled out on the floor (when had we even left the bed?) covered in sweat and other body fluids, thoroughly exhausted and starving. Molly, as usual, looked radiant. Her hair was mussed and her skin was flushed pink. Her lips were swollen and grinning ear to ear. 

"Damn I'm good." She said, running a finger down the center of my chest.

"Yes Padawan, I'm very proud of you." I teased. We both laughed. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go make breakfast. You know where everything is, yeah?"

"I know where the floor is, and since I don't have an ounce of energy left in my body to move, that's all I need to know." She laughed again and disappeared, wrapping herself in a bathrobe as she went.

I lay back down and basked in the warmth of the aftermath. Every time with Molly was unlike anything I'd ever had before. She wanted everything I had to offer and gave me all of herself in return. It wasn't enough to just have sex, she needed me closer, our skin connecting as much as possible. I understood. It was nice, this constant connection, the feeling of warm flesh against you, heating you up, reminding you that underneath it all you were a human, full of blood and passion. It made me warm in a way that I hadn't been since I'd agreed to become the Winter Knight and based on her sleepy rumblings last night, I thought it was probably the same for Molly. 

There was also a desperate need between us during intimacy, one not entirely sexual. She clung to me like she was afraid I'd escape. I held her like I was worried she'd slip away under my fingers. I couldn't say how it was different than my past encounters, what made it feel so much more...intimate. But it felt like each kiss, each thrust, each lick, each touch was reverent, an act of worship and benediction. 

And when she walked back into the room with two steaming mugs of coffee and a pile of bacon and eggs on a tray, I thought that was appropriate, because I wanted to bow down and worship at her feet just from the smell. We climbed back into bed and I immediately set out to consume as much coffee as I could at once without drowning from it. And of course, it was perfect, just the right amount of cream and sugar. 

I groaned. "Oh my god, marry me."

She smiled at me over her own mug. I knew without looking that the contents would be black. "Mm. I don't know. Why buy the pig when I can get the sausage for free?" I almost spit coffee all over her comforter. "I've been around you enough to know how you like your cream and sugar – with just enough coffee for color. Philistine." 

I started in on the bacon and eggs with trepidation. Surprisingly, they weren't bad. She watched my face as I ate and when I finally told her they were good she practically glowed. 

After breakfast, we laid there against each other and just enjoyed the company. I traced her skin with one finger, memorizing the lines and curves of her, delighting in the fact that she was mine. "I'm going to have to try harder next time." I lamented "Not so much as a hickey on you." 

"Uh, well..." She let out a breath and it washed over her, and I recognized a glamour dropping. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up - I hadn't even felt it until she let it go. And to keep it up through everything we'd done, and in the light of the morning sun...Jesus. Her body was bruised at least twice as much as mine. 

"They're not all from you." She added quickly "I've been....occupied. Part of the new position." She looked like she'd had to fight to even say that much. 

"Hells bells." I breathed. No, they certainly weren't all from me, not even by half. But I could match the ones that were, could remember what we'd done to earn them. I'd been trying to be careful. I hadn't wanted to hurt her. It had been so hard with Murphy, constantly reining myself in because I just didn't feel the force I was applying. I assumed that since I hadn’t left any marks on Molly, she was different, that she was more resilient than the average human and I still held back...and I still left her black and blue. 

"Don't look at me like that. That's why I kept up the glamour. I always keep it up because it's not uncommon for me to be bruised. Plus, it makes everyone more comfortable if I look more human." I saw what she meant. It was the same surreal beauty I'd seen by the light of the moon last night, something beautiful but dangerous, like when a moth sees a bug zapper – you know it’s going to kill you, but you want to touch it anyway. She took my hands in hers. "Harry, seriously. Look at me." I looked up and met her eyes for just a moment before she closed them and took a steadying breath. "If we keep this up, we're both going to get more bruises. It's going to happen. But I'm proud to wear the marks you leave on my body, to know how I got them, to know that they're yours, that I'm yours. Everything is worth it to me if it means we're together." I knew she wasn't just talking physical anymore but I ran my hands over her anyway, staring at the marks I knew I'd left, thinking of the ones I'd left that couldn't be seen. "You have a choice, Harry. This is me. This is what we are now. That's not going to change. We can still go back, call this a night of temporary insanity, pretend it never happened. It's your choice." 

"No," I said, firmer than I'd intended. I tried again, softer. "No, Molls, I want this. I want you. I just...I never wanted to hurt you." 

She stared at my face for a long time, running over my brow line, my cheeks, my lips. "What's done is done. All we can do is move forward and do our best. But you should know..." She paused. "Sometimes I like to be hurt." 

"Oh, umm-" My brain was horrified. My dick didn't get the memo. The mantle was screaming at me, all the things we could do, that I could do to her. Molly held up one hand, the universal ' stop ' signal, as I started to talk and her head perked up.

Her eyes got a thousand-mile stare for a moment. Then she nodded once and looked back at me, apologetically. 

"Work call?" I asked casually. She frowned and nodded. "Don't suppose you want me to come with you?"

"I'm sorry," She waved a hand and the glamour was back along with a full outfit and makeup. "I'm not sure when I'll be back but...will you stay here again tonight?"

"Well, the room service is excellent and the view is better." I leered pointedly, then, in my regular voice. "Yeah, Molls. I'll always be here whenever you want." Her face lit up and she looked like she wanted to say more, but then she shook her head and took off without another word, cutting a hole to the Nevernever and stepping through, sealing it behind her.   


I went downstairs to the room she’d reserved for me and started digging for clothes. In the closet, I found a dark green turtleneck sweater amidst a bunch of dress shirts and idly wondered why she'd bought any of it. I mean, it was obviously for me, as they were all in my size, but I would never have worn any of it – except for now when I pulled on the turtleneck to hide the bite marks on my neck. Had she planned for such a contingency?

I found a pair of jeans that looked nice enough to not look awkward when paired with the sweater. It had sort of a Gold Coast, taking-my-yacht-out vibe which looked out of place on me, but it was better than showing off my bruises. 

My first stop was Murphy's. Ex or not, Murphy was good people. She worked with an organization that tried to protect the city from supernatural threats and I did my best to check in and help out where and when I could. She opened the door before I even knocked and eyed me up and down, one eyebrow raised. 

"Hey, Murph. Just wanted to check in and-"

"So, we're just not going to address that outfit?" She smirked. 

"What, this?" I said nonchalantly. "You've seen me wear this before."

She snorted. "No one has ever seen you wear that or anything like it before, you liar." 

"A guy can't dress nice?"

"Sure. But you don't."

"I can if I want to."

"Yeah, and I could go put on a dress and heels. Come on Dresden, what is it? Going to church? Got a hot date?"

"Maybe I've got a hot date in a church." I snapped and I could feel my face flushing, betraying me. 

"Oh my god, Harry, are you blushing?" She laughed. "You are too easy. There _is_ a girl!"

"I just wore a turtleneck Murph. Can we please-"

She half-jumped up and tugged on my collar, pulling it down enough to expose the purple-red welts Molly had left there. "Hah! Knew it." She seemed proud of herself and punched me in the arm, probably with more force than she intended. "I figured it was either that or Black Court and I'm pretty sure Courts don't fuck with you anymore."

“Funny how that happens.” I squirmed away. “Yes, there’s a girl. No, I don’t want to talk about it. We’re still figuring things out so no you can’t meet her.”

“'Still figuring things out’,” She snorted. “You’re such a woman. Where would you even meet a girl?”

I sighed. “I’m just going to go then.”

“Alright, alright,” she put her hands up in surrender “Keep your secrets. I don't really want to hear about it anyway. No, to answer your question, there’s not anything going on right now.”

“Wow, that’s a change of pace.” I was half expecting her to tell me there was chaos everywhere, monsters breathing fire, literal hell dimensions opening, something. It seemed like any time I got too comfortable or even, dare I say it, happy something big and nasty or small and equally nasty would come crashing in to ruin it all. It was like the fate of Chicago hinged on my constant misery.

“No, Harry, you don’t understand – _nothing_ is going on. Anywhere. Undertown has been quiet, the entrances to the Nevernever that we watch haven’t been used in over a day. As far as we can tell there is nothing going on in the entire city.”

I grunted. _That_ sounded more like it. “Something’s going on.”

“Gee, you think? Thank God we've got a seasoned PI who can tell us these things.” She said wryly. “The question is what? Our usual sources are either missing or don't know anything.”

“Don't know or won't say?”

Murphy gave a small shrug. “My gut says don't know, but I've been wrong before. I was hoping you could check with your contacts as well, see if you can find anything.”

“Yeah, I'll look into it and let you know when I know more. You got anything else for me?”

“Just a word of advice.” I eyed askance at her. “You look suspicious in a turtleneck. And only people who are insecure feel the need to mark their property.” We stared at each other silently for a long time and I didn’t have it in me to be angry at her. I could hear what she wasn't saying – ‘I miss you’, ‘this hurts’, ‘is she better than me?’– but she'd sooner die than say that to me.

“Is it always going to be like this between us, Karrin?”

She sighed and looked away. “What other way would it be?”

I put a hand on her shoulder and I could feel her tense up. “I miss you.”

She choked on something that might have been a laugh or a sob. “Yeah, it looks like you were really missing me last night. I hope your girl isn’t the jealous type.” For a brief second I considered and decided yes, she probably was very much the jealous type but kept it to myself. 

“You're right, for the first time in months I didn’t spend last night sitting around trying to get over how much I miss you. Not just being with you – which I will always miss, even if it didn't work out in the end – but being friends with you. Hanging out. The bandy of words back and forth. It wasn't always like this. And I miss it.”

“I can't have this conversation right now, Harry.” She said, staring at her feet. “Not with some other woman’s teeth marks all over you.”

“You ended it, Karrin,” I told her quietly, more hurt in my words than intended. “Did you expect I’d spend forever waiting for you to change your mind?”

“No, I just…I don't know. I need time to process this.” She waved a hand, and the gesture managed to convey all of me. 

“I'm sorry,” I said, taking her hand lightly. “I should have told you I was…planning on wearing a turtleneck soon.” She laughed lightly and quickly turned around to dash a few tears on the back of her other hand. I politely pretended not to notice. I'm a gentleman like that. 

“Get out of here, idiot.” She said fondly. “Enjoy your turtlenecks and khakis.”

I kissed her forehead lightly and rumpled her hair in the way I knew she hated then headed back to my car. I took off without looking back at her and drove halfway around the block, just out of sight, before I let myself park and lean my head against the wheel. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I’d made my choice and I had no regrets. Karrin had been very clear when she broke it off that we were done and there would never be another try. And what's more, I agreed, I still agreed. She had been right. But that didn't make it hurt less to see her hurting, especially not when I was so happy with Molly. 

Wasn’t that just going to be a kick in the teeth too? I'd had a lot of reasonable expectations of a relationship with Murphy but I hadn't been prepared for her insecurity. It made sense, once I thought about it – she'd had people walk out on her before and cheat. Hell, one of her exes was married to her sister now. And with us, the primary target of that insecurity had been Molly. She was convinced I was going to leave her for Molly, or that I either was cheating or would cheat with her in the near future. It was crazy. Even now, acknowledging my feelings for Molly, it was still crazy. I never would have cheated, never would have left, that's not the kind of man I am. And the rational side of Murphy knew that. But that wasn't going to help when she found out.

I took a steadying breath. I’d burn that bridge when I got to it. In the meantime, I needed to figure out what was going on in my city. For everything to be quiet there had to be something major going on. Something big enough to run everyone to ground, like animals scurrying to hide, sensing the proverbial earthquake before it hit. Not good. Definitely not good.


	10. Chapter 10

I considered changing before my next stop but decided it really wouldn't make a difference and I didn't want to waste any time. I parked in a garage about a block away from the Park Tower. Sure, it would cost me the equivalent of a steak dinner per hour, but being the Winter Knight was a surprisingly lucrative career (like, pay for Maggie to go to any Ivy League school all the way through her fourth doctorate lucrative) and I found myself scowling at the cost out of principle more than any real inconvenience. There was a slight chime when I walked into the coffee shop and I braced myself. Half a dozen sets of eyes all immediately slid my way and the conversation halted. Trying to ignore three decades worth of instincts that told me to assume a defensive stance and prepare an offensive strategy when you were this intently watched, I put on a haughty expression and strode to the counter. “Where is he?” I demanded imperiously to the young barista. Her eyes went wide.

“He's, um, ah. Just a moment.” She scurried off to the next room and, just for fun, I followed her into the salon. “Oh, Mr. Dresden, you don't have to-“

“Wait in the café like one of his toys?” I huffed. “Yes, I know. Oh, _Toe-moss_!” I called, waving to him as he came out of the backroom. “There you are darling, I _must_ speak with you.” My brother’s eyes met mine across the room and they were alight with mirth. He smiled slightly.

“Aree, my darling.” His thick French accent was ridiculous. He practically glided over to where I stood in the doorway “To what do I owe such a wonderful surprise?”

“I needed to talk to you about a…” I dropped my voice intentionally to a stage whisper, aware that everyone was listening to us with bated breath. “private matter.” We had done this dance enough for us both to be familiar with the half-veiled conversation. _I need your help with something._

“But my sweet, could it not have waited until tonight?” _Is it urgent? If not, stop by my place after hours._

I sniffed as though he’d damaged my delicate feelings. “I wasn’t sure you’d be home. The way you’ve been neglecting me lately…” _Not immediately urgent, but I_ do _need to talk._

“Oh mon cherie, you know I have to work, but I’ll always have time for you,” _Sure. I'll see you after work._ He smirked at me privately as he leaned in, challenging me to play chicken with the kiss he was about to place on my lips, safe in his knowledge that I'd flinch. This was also part of the game. He thought he was oh so funny. Every time I came here he'd try to kiss me and every time I’d balk at the last minute, pretending to be offended by something he said or that I was playing hard to get. But he wasn't counting on the fact that at that moment I could still feel the echoes of Molly’s lips against mine, could still taste her on my tongue, and I knew we'd just hit the tip of the iceberg. The best was yet to come. I was confident and I was not flinching.

Thomas’s eyes widened as his lips just barely brushed mine and he flinched back slightly like he’d gotten a shock. “Oh Harry,” He was practically purring, seduction oozing in his voice and his eyes turned a lighter shade of grey. “You’re keeping secrets from me.”

“You’re forgetting your accent.” I breathed, barely even a whisper under my breath but I knew he’d heard me. He gave me a once over as if noticing my attire for the first time and his eyes lingered for a moment at my jawline where I knew just the faintest hint of bruising lay. The sly smile that crept over his face was unsettling. I’d seen that smile on faces before, usually about five seconds after it was too late and I’d already walked into the trap.

“How dare you!” Thomas declared and he backhanded me across the face. Or he pretended to. If he’d actually backhanded me with the intention of harm, I’d have ended up on the other side of the room. It stung just a little bit but it wouldn’t be leaving marks. I turned with it to make it look more realistic. “ _Pute_! You dare come in here with another man’s cologne on you, hiding your shame in the sweater that I bought you?!” Thomas hooked one finger in my collar and huffed at the scenery. His eyes sparkled and I knew I was going to hear all about this later. He stomped his foot once. “Get out! I’ll be home by 9:00 and I expect your things gone by then!” _Oh, we’re definitely going to talk. Come by any time after 9:00. I expect sordid details._

“He’s twice the man you’ll ever be!” I bellowed before turning on a heel and flouncing out of the door. I kept up the act until I got to the parking garage, then figured even the most dedicated gossip hound would probably not have followed me that far, and resumed my normal slouching gait.

I sat in my car for a few minutes, trying to decide where to go next. Murphy was already in contact with most of the other people I knew who might have heard something. So it was time to start talking to things other than people. I paid a fee the size of a small mortgage payment to leave and drove back toward Molly’s house. I stopped at a pizza place a few blocks away, grabbed an extra-large pizza with the works and retreated into Molly’s backyard, which conveniently had a very high privacy fence and enough built in wards to muffle both the sound and the effects of a nuclear explosion. I sat the pizza on the ground, box open and sat down beside it. 

It took him longer than usual to respond when I called, but it was still only a matter of minutes before a being the size of a small dog vaulted over the fence and pelted toward me, stopping just in time to avoid a head-on pizza collision. “Major General Toot-Toot reporting for duty!” He stated with a salute. He was taller than I'd seen him last, almost two full feet from head to toe. He also looked bigger, bulkier than I'd ever seen him like he'd been going to the pixie gym.

I saluted him back. “At ease Major.” At his confused look I clarified. “That means you can relax.”

“Thank you, my lord!” His eyes were glued squarely on the pizza. “Is this for me?”

“It could be if you’re willing to help me with something.”

“Anything my lord! I will slay your enemies! I will mount their skulls on pikes! I will walk through Hell itself for you!” His chest puffed out.

“Thank you, Major, but I don't require any of those things. What I need is information. My sources are telling me that there hasn't been anyone moving through any of the Ways. Do you know anything about that?”

“Well yeah Harry, the Ways are closed right now.” He said, as though I were slow. 

“Why? What's going on?”

“Queens’ orders.”

My blood went cold. “Which queen?”

Toot’s confused frown deepened. “Both of them. Titania and-“ I covered his mouth (well, most of his face but his mouth was included) with one hand. The last thing I needed was for Her to be paying extra attention to me right now. It had been over a month since she had required anything of me in my official capacity, and I didn't need her to find something else for me to do. 

“Is that why Undertown is vacant? Why the streets are quiet?”

“Yes, “ He flew in a loop to escape my hand. “The orders were everyone is to return to the Nevernever and stay until further notice. No one in or out unless on Court business. No one knows why.”

If my blood had run cold before, it was now frozen solid in my veins. “How did you get here then?”

Another ‘how do you tie your shoelaces in the morning?’ look. “I'm your Major General. You're the Winter Knight. Your summons _are_ Court business. And you summoned me to the home of the Winter Lady. And you smell like her. So I thought this was probably a very important mission.”

“Oh, it is. Thank you Toot, the pizza is all yours.” I rocked back, partly to avoid flying pizza shrapnel, partly to process what I'd just learned. “Hey Major?” I asked when the frenzy stopped. There was one lone sausage sitting in the box, everything else was thoroughly consumed. Toot-Toot was sprawled on his back, with an impossibly distended stomach that receded as I watched. No matter how many times I’d seen pixies savage pizza, it would never stop being morbidly fascinating. 

“Yes, boss?” His voice was strained.

“You said I smell like the Winter Lady?” He nodded once. “Could you please keep that information private? Don't share it with anyone else, okay? That's top-secret intel that I'm only trusting you with.”

He jumped to his feet and buzzed up in front of me. His dragonfly wings were hauntingly beautiful at this size, like some primordial insect grown impossibly large in today's clime. He saluted again. “Aye-aye. You can trust me!”

“I always can. Keep an ear out for any more information about what's going on. If you hear anything about why the Ways are closed, or about what the Queens are planning, you keep me posted, okay? You'll be rewarded handsomely for your troubles.” He gave me a brisk nod. “Okay, dismissed soldier!”

Even before recent events, I routinely stopped by Molly’s house. She’d given me keys the day she finalized it and made it clear that she expected me to use them. I hadn’t actually gotten around to getting a place of my own since my last one burned down. In my defense, in the three years (God, almost exactly three years) since then, I’d lived on my brother’s boat, died (also on my brother’s boat,) lived in Arctis Tor until I recovered from death, moved in with Molly for a while, lived in the ruins on Demonreach (but only because it helped with the labor pains I was experiencing during the several-year-long labor of my spirit-daughter…my life is strange) and then I went from that ordeal to living with Murphy. That was fun while it lasted but once it was over, I didn't stick around. So, I didn't exactly have a permanent residence. I kept most of my stuff at Thomas’s – clothes, a few books, spare weapons, that sort of thing – but the magical stuff I kept at Molly’s.

Whether it was nostalgia on her part, trying to make me feel more at home, or just pure practicality I couldn't tell you, but Molly had paid to have a sub-basement installed under her basement and established a lab for the two of us. She'd made some improvements to my old layout. The entrance blended seamlessly with the floor, and only opened with the right password and gesture combination, rather than my full-proof technique of ‘cover it with a rug and hope no one notices’. There was a full staircase to come down, with the lab itself hidden from view until you came to the landing midway down, which gave ample time to use the escape tunnel built into one wall if we somehow had unexpected guests. The escape tunnel entrance also blended seamlessly into the wall and required a separate password and gesture. The entire lab served as a stage one panic room, with a more secure panic room at the other end of the tunnel.

Every time I came down, I worried that maybe Molly was too paranoid. Surely, we didn't need this many fail-safes. But I thought about Maggie right across the street and the kind of trouble we'd gotten in before, and I couldn't begrudge Molly her caution. In the back of my mind, my brain also let me know that this was built in the perfect way to avoid law officers or Wardens of the White Council, that it had been built like someone’s evil lair, that the security measures were just a more sophisticated version of things I’d seen before at Justin DuMorne’s house. I firmly told that part of me what it could do with itself.

Other than the precautions and the fact that everything was made of fine metals and woods instead of purchased at a second-hand store, it looked a lot like a larger version of my old lab. Everything was laid out in the same way, complete with our two desks, a large table with a scale model of Chicago, and an embedded circle in one corner. When I entered the door, wall sconces flickered to life along the stairwell, and as soon as I hit the landing a ball of pure green light darted straight for my head. I resisted the impulse to duck or shield and the ball of light whirled in circles around me.

“Harry!” A woman’s voice, soft and velvety. Bonnea, Bonnie for short, had her mother’s voice, but distinctly marked with a warmth and general happiness that Lash’s had never held.

“Hey, Bonnie.” I reached out a hand and she curled around it. It felt sort of like those electric hand driers (for the ten seconds before close proximity to my hands fries them.) There was a pressure, semi-solid against my hand but easily yielding to any movement, and gently warm. I crooked a finger around the ball and she cooed. “I’m sorry I didn’t come down last night. I got…sidetracked.”

She sparkled, and I got the impression she was giggling behind my back. She floated beside me as I walked down the remaining stairs and then returned to her skull. “So, you didn't chicken out?” She asked me, literally pulsing with excitement. 

“Yes and no, but I don't have time for that now. Something big is going on and I need to figure out what. Where is my speaking stone?”

“In the shoebox in the very back left of the shelf next to your desk,” Bonnie informed me, immediately. “Is there anything I can do?”

I thought for a moment. “I need to make a call. While I'm doing that, can you get me a list of references to any occasions in the past when the Queens of Winter and Summer have jointly closed the Ways, and why?”

Despite not having a mouth or throat, I heard her gulp. “I don’t suppose this research is entirely unrelated to the ‘something big’ going on?”

“Unfortunately not, kiddo. I'm going into the circle. If Molly comes in, ask her not to interrupt and tell her…just tell her I want to continue our conversation, okay?” Molly’s circle was much more elaborate than anything I’d ever built. It was made to contain extremely powerful beings, basically anything you'd ever consider summoning and quite a few things you wouldn't (or shouldn’t.) It could concentrate power like you wouldn't believe and I’d found it to be really helpful when I needed to focus and center myself for spellwork. Today, for example, I activated it in such a way that no sound would enter or leave the circle and sat cross-legged in the middle. I cleared my throat, wiped my suddenly sweaty palms on my pant legs and took hold of the smooth black stone in both hands. 

“Hey, it’s been a while I know, but I need to talk, are you there?” It felt like a long time before my grandfather appeared in front of me, sitting cross-legged as well. He looked older than he had the last time I’d seen him. He'd never looked young, in the time I'd known him, but there were more lines on his face, there was more grey in his beard. He looked very old and very tired.

“Hoss.” He inclined his head slightly then looked me over. “I've heard some rumors about you.”

“Yeah.” I’d been putting off this conversation for far too long and I knew Ebenezer would not appreciate that. I figured I'd let him get it all out of his system before I started talking. I owed him that.

He was silent for a long time, searching my face. “Heard you were dead.”

“….Yeah.” I agreed.

“Yet here you are.”

“Here I am.” I gestured to myself.

He grunted. “You look pretty good for a dead guy.”

I smiled sadly. “It didn't take. I guess I'm just too stubborn to die.” I saw a smile twitching at his lips. I didn't add that I’d only come back because the Winter Queen frowns on people reneging on deals with her.

“That's exactly what I said when they told me. ‘Not a chance. That boy is too damn stubborn to stay dead.’ Luccio half broke down, telling me she was sorry, that she knew how it felt, telling me she went to see the damage herself, saw the blood splatters all over the boat, watched them dredging Lake Michigan. For your body.” I could hear the fury in his words, simmering beneath them like hot coals, and I tried not to wince.

“I didn’t know she-“

“It was her job! One of her own Wardens shot in his home territory?! She owed it to you!” He was snarling, biting off each word. “And still I told her you couldn’t be dead. Not you. You’re dumb as hell but you’re clever, and stubborn, and just like your damn mother. Too damn clever for your own good. And Luccio, she tried to tell me some nonsense about stages of grief and I told her she could go to hell with her grief, I knew my boy was alive.”

“I'm sorry sir, I-“ he held up one hand and I stopped. There was another long silence that stretched out between us. I fidgeted with my hands, unable to meet his eyes though I knew he was staring at me. 

“Months I waited. Years, Hoss. I held out hope, even though I knew it would only hurt worse if I was wrong. But I couldn't be. Even the Hellhound couldn’t bring you down. Not _my_ grandson.” Ebenezer actually laughed when my eyes widened, giving me away. He sucked his teeth. “Well shit. That's what I figured, I talked to your girlie, the cop, and when she gave me the details I knew it had to be him. I will rip his teeth out through his asshole, that slimy son of a-“

“No, sir, I…” Deep breaths Harry. In, out, calm down, he probably can't kill you through speaking stones. I looked him in the eyes. “I hired Kincaid. I asked him to do it.”

His face went pale, all the blood and fire running out of him. “Stars and stones.” He breathed. “Harry.”

“I'm sorry sir, I-I wasn’t in the right frame of mind and apparently I was being influenced. The other team wasn’t playing fair, but I still made the decision. I…” I sighed. “I had a moment of weakness. You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain. I think at the time I assumed I was at a crossroads between the former and the latter.”

He snorted in disbelief. “Life ain't a damn comic Hoss. What happened in Chichen Itza was terrible. If I could have done it for you, I would have. You should have said-“

“It wasn't like that sir.” I shook my head. “I don’t remember it. But I made the decision before, before I...” My hands shook. “Before we left Chicago. I'd broken my spine. I knew I had to make a dirty deal to save my little girl, but I didn't think I was going to be able to live with the consequences. Before I started making calls, I knew I wasn't coming out on the other side the same. So I called Kincaid, he owed me a favor, and I called it in. I made my deal with Mab and…I forgot. Made myself forget. I didn’t want to know it was coming.” I didn’t tell him Molly’s role, but he wasn’t stupid. He’d be able to guess.

“But you survived anyway. And you hid like a coward to let us all worry.” His anger was returning and I hastened to cut it off.

“No! No, I-“ My tone was too harsh. I could feel myself getting worked up, could feel the mantel and me both bristling at the word coward. I forced myself to be calm “No, I didn’t. I died. Mostly.” I screwed up my face. God, why is it words come so easy when you should really keep your mouth shut but when you need them the most they fail you? “I was a spirit. Trapped in between. I…I’ve been pulled in so many different directions by so many different entities. And they brought me back. Or kept me from dying. And then I went through PT in Arctis Tor and…” I sighed again, running one shaking hand through my hair in frustration.

“How long, Hoss?” His voice was a quiet rumble, like thunder in the distance.

“I'm sorry sir?”

“Not as sorry as you're going to be, boy. How long have you been back?”

Ah. I hung my head. “Well,” I hedged “I’ve been back among the living for a couple of years but I was kind of out of commission – we have a lot to catch up on by the way – until the spring so...8 months, give or take?”

“8 months?” I visibly winced that time.

“Maybe closer to 7?”

“8 MONTHS?!” His fury rattled in my bones, shocking me to my core. He disappeared and I was worried for a moment that he’d completely disconnected, but he must have just lost his concentration because I could still hear the string of swearing and profanity he was spewing. There was the sound of glass shattering, heavy objects being thrown. It wasn't like I’d intentionally been avoiding him. It’s just…by the time I’d caught up and sorted my life back into some semblance of order, months had gone by already and I knew the conversation wouldn’t be pleasant. So, I’d put it off and now...Suddenly he came back into focus in front of me, his hand wrapped in a kitchen towel. “So that’s it huh? It’s like that?”

“No, sir, I just-“

“You just. You just couldn’t pick up a phone, couldn’t get in a car, couldn’t use these stones, couldn’t drop a sodding letter in the mail.” He was quiet, which was more unsettling than the yelling. “Okay. So what do you need now, Wizard Dresden?”

“Ebenezer, I don’t-“

“Boy if you try to tell me you don’t need anything from me after letting me think you were still dead for 8 months I will smash this stone and you will never see or hear from me again unless it’s Council business.” Deadly calm. I didn’t doubt for a second that he was being honest.

“I’ve never made a habit of lying to you sir, I don’t intend to start now,” I told him, again meeting his eyes. I almost flinched away at what I found there – blazing fury yes, but also a bottomless anguish that made my heart stop. “Yes, I do need something, I need information. And yes,” I continued before he could respond. “I have been avoiding you. If I didn’t need information I wouldn’t be talking to you right now. I’d probably put it off until we ran into each other somewhere and it would have been twice as hard because you’re right, I am a coward. I...my life is a mess. Nothing makes sense anymore. I was gone too long and everything is different now, including me. It took months for me to even get to a place where I felt vaguely sane and human again.” I ran a weary hand over my face and surprised myself when it came back wet. “And by that time I knew I waited too long. Knew you’d be disappointed in me. And so I put it off. But Eb, you have to know it wasn’t because of you or because I don’t care. You’re family, you’ve always been family to me, even before I knew we shared blood, sir.”

His expression had softened a bit but he still looked disgruntled. “I always knew you were an idiot. Hoss, you have never for a moment disappointed me. You think I don't know what it’s like to make difficult choices, to try to live with yourself after?” He flexed his right hand, the one wrapped in the towel, unconsciously. His voice became lower, softer, a tone I’d seldom heard from him. “I thought I'd lost you. A man shouldn't have to outlive both his child and his grandchild. I've loved and lost but this…” He shook his head “Don’t scare me like that again, Harry. I can’t lose you too.”

“I…I’ll try my best sir.” A sudden thought occurred to me. “Ebb, did you talk to anyone else when you were in town?”

“No, just your cop. I kept an eye on a few others, watched your apprentice but pretended I hadn't seen her because I really didn't want to report her whereabouts to the Council. Watched Marcone, trying to figure out if he was the one that called Kincaid. He had enough money and motive but he gave nothing away. Same for that vampire you run with. He was tearing himself up right good after you got shot. Thought it might be guilt but I guess not.”

“He felt responsible. It was his boat.” I said evenly. I left out survivor’s guilt, losing your last living brother, losing the tenuous connection you have to your human side, but I said, “You should come visit sometime. Meet him properly. I think you'll find you have a lot in common.”

He spit. “Met enough vampires for several lifetimes, Hoss. Don't need to meet another.”

“He's different.” I smiled, debated for a moment then added, “Plus, there are other people here you could meet properly. When they're not dirty, starved and asleep.”

He whistled. “You kept her.”

“Not exactly, but I left her in good hands and I keep close by.” I shrugged “Nicodemus Archleon knows about her. We laid a pretty solid hit on him, so I assume he won't be silent about that knowledge for long. I won't make the same mistake Susan made – I can protect her better here than I could by sending her away. So, if you'd like to come meet your great-granddaughter…”

“I'd love to Hoss. I'm away on business right now but I'll stop in when I can.” A smile touched his face. “But you didn’t call me just to invite me to Chicago. You said you needed information.”

“Right. Supernatural activity is at a standstill here. Quiet on all fronts for over a day. My sources are telling me that the Queens have pulled everyone back home and sealed the Ways to anyone not on official business. Has the Council heard anything? Do you know what’s going on?”

He sucked his teeth again. “Your Queen issues a command and you're asking me what the Council knows about it?”

“She’s not my-“ I snarled, but as I started to say it, I felt the mantle leaving me, my body becoming a solid ache from the waist up, everything below that point going numb. “Okay,” I conceded, more to the fae magic than to Ebenezer. “But she doesn’t keep me in the loop. I’m more of a contract worker, not her right-hand man.”

“Maybe.” He grunted “Or maybe Mab wants to know how much the Council knows. Maybe she sends you, a former Council member, to talk to your old mentor, a member of the Senior Council, to find out.”

“She didn't send me. I swear by my power that I haven’t talked to her in months.”

“That doesn’t mean she isn’t manipulating you.” He eyed me, sizing me up. “Your sources are right. At the very least, all the Ways that we’ve been using have been closed. We weren't sure what caused it but assumed it was the Queens. We've tried to send messengers, but without a way in or out…” He shrugged. “I'm sorry Hoss, we’re as deep in the dark here as you are.”

I hung my head and resisted the urge to swear. “Alright, well at least I got confirmation. Thank you. I'll keep you posted if I learn more. You'll do the same?”

“I will.” He agreed after a long moment. The fact that he'd even had to think about it hurt, but I understood his hesitation. You didn't get to be his age without a steady diet of paranoia. “Oh and Hoss, before you go?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Are you wearing a turtleneck?”

I flushed “Uh, I'll explain later. Gotta go, bye!” I disconnected.


	11. Chapter 11

My legs were asleep and for a moment I panicked that maybe part of the mantle had permanently left, but I was able to stretch them out and work out the pins and needles and stand up. I stumbled out of the circle like a newborn foal on wobbly, still-half-asleep legs, and would have fallen and cracked my head on the concrete floor if I hadn’t happened to fall directly into Molly. She caught me in a sturdy grip and lifted me upright, leaning me back against the table. Her eyes sparkled with repressed laughter and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to kiss her. Then, realizing that I could, I did.

“Mmm. Hi honey, I’m home. It’s good to see you too. How was your day?” She murmured against my lips in between kisses. Her voice was warm and rich and I felt a million tensions I hadn’t realized I was holding relax.

There was a high-pitched sound of joy from over Molly’s right shoulder and Bonnie surged out of her skull, flitting around us like the world’s biggest firefly. “You just kissed! A lot!” We both laughed.

“Yes, we did. And I intend to do it a lot more.” I moved to kiss Molly deeply, but she pressed her lips together, giving just a peck in return and pushed away slightly. The shift was immediate. Her eyes were frosty and the air temperature dropped so low that I could see my breath. Bonnie dashed back into her vessel and blinked out.

“First, let’s talk about this list.” Molly held up a piece of paper and while I’d never seen it before I recognized Bonnie’s neat handwriting (or whatever the equivalent is for beings without hands) and knew what it would be.

“The Ways are closed. The city is unnaturally quiet. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on.”

“This is none of your business, Dresden. If Mab wanted you to know, she’d have told you. Stay out of it.”

“Chicago is my business. If there’s something big going on, if it's even got a chance of impacting the citizens here, I need to know.”

“ _You need_ ,” Her tone was scathing, teeth bared in a menacing glare. “Your wants and needs are irrelevant to our Queen. Be glad that she has not grown tired of you yet and still allows you to live! But, as it happens, this has nothing to do with ‘your’ city or ‘your’ mortals. This is Court business. The matter has been resolved and the Ways will reopen at midnight.”

“Okay, but what-“

“Harry,” Molly’s voice, tired and strained. “Please let it go. It's done, I gave you as direct an answer as I can. Please drop it.” Her hands were clenched into white-knuckled fists, shaking. I opened and shut my mouth, saying nothing. Slowly she eased back into her normal features and the room became warmer. “Thank you.” She kissed me gently. 

“Are you okay?” I put my hands on her shoulders to steady her.

“I’m fine. Harry, I…” She started slowly, then stopped. “Never mind. I brought home Chinese. That's still one of your five food groups, yeah?”

“You bet.” I took one of her hands (‘No Harry, you're not carrying me up the stairs again’ she laughed) and we headed up the stairs. I glanced back as we turned the corner from the landing and saw Bonnie watching us go. Somehow I felt like her expression was worried.

Eating together was one of those beautiful, quiet intimacies that you took for granted in an established relationship. We watched TV (the color kept flickering to black and white and there were closed captions in Spanish, but it was otherwise watchable) and sat close together. She stole chicken from my carton, even though she had the exact same thing in hers, claiming that mine tasted better. She nagged at me to eat the vegetables in my fried rice when I tried to pick around them. I put my left arm around her and she cuddled up against me. I was so damn happy I thought my chest might explode. I felt, in that moment, like everything was perfect in the world, like this was something we’d done a thousand times and like we were just two normal people.

“I love when you smile,” Molly told me, bringing her hand up to touch mine where it rested on her shoulder and turning her head toward me.

“That’s good because I find that I can’t stop smiling any time I think about you.”

She rolled her eyes and made a gagging noise, but I caught her satisfied look. “You’re an idiot, do you know that?”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that today.” She took the empty food container from my hand and set it on the table, then pinned me back against the arm of the couch with her body, kissing me soundly.

“I have to say, I wasn’t sure how I felt when I first saw you in a sweater,” She brought my left leg up beside her on the couch, so she could fit herself between them. 

“Oh?” I kissed her again, tasting green tea and the faint almond taste of fortune cookies. “And what did you decide?”

“I like it. It’s sexy. It makes you look like a dad or something.” The sight of her looking up at me between my legs combined with the warm weight of her on top of me was causing blood to redirect quickly from my brain to other body parts so it took longer than usual to process what she said.

“Uh, I am a dad or something,” I told her as she started to undo the button to my pants.

“Yeah but in that, you look like a sexy, single PTA dad.” Her tone was sultry but her eyes were laughing. “Like you got custody of Carter and Olivia in the divorce and made sure that bitch Harper got nothing.”

“And that does it for you?” I teased, running my hands along her sides. I tried for a seductive voice with mixed results. “Because as it happens, I _am_ a single dad, and I _could_ join the PTA.”

She rewarded me with a laugh. “Yeah, you could. I can just see it now,” She put on a deep voice “'Hells bells, how are children supposed to learn about the dangers of White Court vampires if we won't teach comprehensive sex ed in schools?’”

“And what would you know about sex ed Ms. Carpenter?” She lowered her head and gave me a thorough demonstration.

Sometime later the TV had blown out and a container that had previously contained wonton soup was oozing into a puddle on the floor. Molly was bent over the coffee table, one cheek resting in the crook of her arm. Her pants were still bunched up around her ankles. “Someone should clean that up.” She noted, but she didn’t sound like she expected either of us to do anything about it.

“I'll go get paper towels.” She made a noise of protest when I pulled out, but I headed to the kitchen anyway. As I grabbed them, I tried to gauge the time by the light outside. It was dark, but it was almost October so that didn't mean much.

I was a bit disappointed to find that Molly had gotten dressed again by the time I came back. I hadn't intended to go for another round but I still loved the sight of her naked and half-comatose in her post-orgasm stupor. I handed her the roll and, after a brief search to figure out where she'd thrown them, struggled back into my jeans.

“I’m starting to really get used to the way you look from behind,” I told her, cupping her cheeks in both hands while she was bent over scrubbing.

“I’m starting to get used to how good it feels to have your hands all over me,” She replied, pushing back against me before standing up.

“Good,” I pulled her close, one hand around the small of her back, the other around her shoulders. We kissed deeply. “Because I promise not to stop putting them on you any time soon.”

She stopped suddenly and put one hand on my chest. I tried to think of what I'd said or done wrong. "You shouldn’t make me promises.”

“What? I was just-“

“No, listen to me!” Her tone was serious but still her own. “Don’t promise me anything, even if I ask it. Don’t let me trap you again like I did in the kitchen last night. You should know better than to promise me something."  
"Last night?” I asked, confused. “Oh, about my…about the night we saved Maggie? It was nothing. It made you feel better and-" She thumped her fist against my chest.   
"No, dammit Harry, listen. If Lea had come to you with the same request, would you have readily agreed?"  
"No, but there's a lot we've done together that I wouldn't do with the Leanansidhe."   
"That's exactly my point. Don't let me make you forget what I am. I am of the sidhe now. Don't make me promises if you can avoid it. The more you do the more I’ll try to exploit them. That's not my goal, but it’s how I am now."   
I blinked, stunned. I hadn't even thought about it, but she was right. I knew she was the Winter Lady, I was just ignoring that fact as best I could. I wouldn't have promised the last Winter Lady even the smallest of things, mostly because she was a psycho but also because that's not something you do with the fae. "Okay, I'll uh, I'll try to keep that in mind."   
Molly made a frustrated sound. "What are we doing, Harry? This is insane and stupid and dangerous."  
"That sounds like most things I do, so yeah," I agreed, trying to hide my panic. We'd come too far. If she backed out now, there'd be no hope of going back to the way it was and I couldn’t bear that.

“Don’t you get it? _I_ shouldn’t be one of those things.” She sighed running a hand through her hair. “I’ve waited so long for this. Harry, I don’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t wanted you to look at me the way you are now.”

“So, what’s the problem?” I recognized her tone and I didn’t like where it was going. It was the tone you used when you said, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ or ‘I value our friendship too much.’

“I want _everything_. I want your passion, and your desire, and your adoration. I want love and commitment. I want to hold hands and stare longingly at each other. And I want to wake up every morning with you beside me, to face whatever life brings knowing you’re there, my rock. I want to give you everything that I am and to take everything you give in return. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. Entirely.” The passion and intensity in her voice were terrifying and awesome in the original sense of the word, like hearing a choir of angels sing. I could hear the tones of the Winter Lady, but it was her voice, and it struck me to my core. I don't know what she saw on my face, but she nodded.

“Molls,” I touched her face and she flinched as though it burned. “Why-what-I…I want the same, Molly-“

“I know,” She gave me a sad knowing smile, and it looked too old for a 26-year-old. “I’m sensitive, remember? I know, Harry.” She covered my hand “That’s what hurts the most. Finally, we both want the same thing.” There were tears in her eyes and dread sat in my stomach like a lead weight, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. “But that kind of relationship is built on mutual trust and understanding and it’s just not possible anymore.”

“I trust you with my life, figuratively and literally.”

“I know that too. But you shouldn’t.” She pulled my hand away gently and squeezed it tightly. “You don’t know me anymore, Harry. I’m not something you should trust. I’m only going to hurt you.”

“That's crazy, Molly. We've been over this, I'm all in. Maybe you'll hurt me, maybe I'll hurt you, but I’m not afraid. We know each other, probably better than anyone else, I’ve seen you, we’ve soulgazed.”

“What difference does that make? Sidhe don’t have souls, Harry. I’m literally not the same person you used to know. I’m something else, I have her skin, her memories, her wants and needs, and emotions, but I’m not her anymore.” She stared at our entwined hands for a moment. “This isn’t like your mantle. I’m not possessed, I’m not fighting my nature, I’m someone else entirely. Even now as I’m looking at you, I can feel your heart breaking, I can practically hear you putting on your white armor, ready to mount your trusty steed and come to my rescue.

“And I know, instinctively, exactly what buttons to press to get you to do whatever I want. I know what I could say to get you to kill for me or die for me. I know your sore spots, what to say to make you angry, to make you sad, to make you fall apart and to pull you back together. Every time you move, every time you speak, part of me is analyzing you for pressure points and faults to exploit, and information to gather for future use. And the worst part, Harry? I like it. I like having that knowledge. And I don’t want to use it against you. I don’t want to manipulate you or hurt you or break you.” She paused. “For now. But I’ve done a lot of things I didn’t think I’d want in the last two years, things that would make you try to kill me on the spot. You hit the nail on the head last night, I am a stranger to myself. And I don’t trust that stranger, not with you.”

“I don’t much care for people making my decisions for me.” My voice was cold. I wrapped my anger around me like a blanket, protecting me from feeling anything else for the moment. “It seems like it should be my decision whether or not I trust you.”

“Haven’t you learned by now that you’re woefully incapable of making good decisions where women are concerned?” Her reply was barbed.

“I choose to trust in my friends and loved ones. I choose to believe they’ll make the right choices. Sometimes I'm wrong, but it's better than not believing. It's better than being lonely, and paranoid and bitter.” I was shouting before I realized it. “I choose to trust and hope. You don't have the right to choose for me!”

“Then look and see what you choose to trust!” There was a duality to her voice, her own fury and rage mixed with the ire of the Winter Lady. She grabbed my head with both hands, holding my face in front of hers. “Open your Sight and look upon me!”

“Fine. Let’s do this.” I set my jaw, determined, closed my eyes to summon my focus and opened my Sight. I knew I'd regret it. I knew in my bones that I didn't want to see this. You couldn't have paid me to look at Maeve with my Sight. I'd caught an accidental glimpse of Mab and it had almost driven me insane. But if this was what it would take for Molly to feel secure in our relationship, it's what I was going to do. 

Molly stood naked at the center of a deep, endless void, arms and legs extended like the Vitruvian man. She was bound at each wrist and ankle as well as her neck. There were frozen tears on her lashes and cheeks, but her expression looked fierce, determined. A cold blue light burned in her eyes, like a strong flame. “Please, Harry.” She whispered and for a moment I saw the young girl with pink and blue hair that I’d seen all those years ago.

Then the void shifted beneath my feet and I saw that she was bound back to back with someone else. As I regained focus, I saw the creature in full force and tried to look away. Too-pale skin, blue and grey like a corpse left floating in water for a few days, was stretched tight over a vaguely humanoid frame. Clearly it was designed to be female. Its hips curved dangerously, and the ample swell of its rear was matched perfectly by the rise and fall of its bosom.

But its bones stuck out at odd angles like someone had disassembled a human skeleton completely then reassembled it from memory – mostly correct but still noticeably unlike the original. It looked emaciated and wild and every instinct in my mind told me to run screaming. It was a grotesque mockery of Molly, down to the frozen tears, the look of determination. Not-Molly too had cold, blue eyes, but they burned with malice, undisguised hatred, and jealousy.

“Please, Harry.” I’d heard the voice before, rasping and terrible. This was the mantle. It tried to look like Molly but its eyes were too wide, it’s teeth bared in a manic grin. They clasped hands tightly, my Molly and the Not Molly and started spinning like a top, and as they spun their images blurred into one creature. She reached out for me, voices overlapping. “Please Harry, I need you. Please, don't leave me.” I felt myself being pulled in, a million invisible threads twining around me, drawing me towards the spinning figures. A terror rose up in me and I found myself screaming endlessly, knowing with absolute certainty that I'd be swallowed whole. There was a loneliness in both of them, so profound it hurt to think about, and a pain that cut deep. Something about their gaze said that if I let them have me, I could fix it all, but I’d have to give myself up in the process. “Help me, Harry. Stay with me.”

At the last moment, I found myself falling to my hands and knees, back on the relative safety of the living room floor, my Sight snapped shut tight. I stopped screaming just in time to violently eject about a third of my dinner onto the carpet. My whole body shook, and I felt like I’d never be warm again. I tried to stand but the image of the Winter Lady flashed before my eyes and I was sick again. When there was nothing left in me, I rocked back onto my heels and wiped my face on the sleeve of my shirt.

“Do you understand now?” Just the sound of Molly’s voice made me shiver harder. I forced myself to turn and look at her, to see that it was just Molly sitting there. Bags that had not been there a moment ago had formed under her eyes, making her look haunted. She was sobbing hysterically, her breaths coming in deep gulps. “We can’t-" her choked words were barely coherent “Now you-know why- Please, Harry.”

I should have gone to her. I should have taken her in my arms, should have told her it would be fine, that we’d work it out, that nothing would change. I should have taken a moment to compose myself, sorted out and processed what I’d just seen. I should have gone downstairs and talked to Bonnie, explained what had happened. Maybe I should have even told her I was going to bed and that we’d talk about it in the morning. What I shouldn’t have done under any circumstances was make a heaving noise, then dash out of the house like the Roadrunner with Wile E Coyote on his tail, drive over to Thomas’s house and start drinking. That would not have helped anyone in any way.

So of course, twenty minutes later I found myself pounding on Thomas’s door and practically falling over the threshold when he opened it. To his credit, Thomas didn’t bat an eyelash, he just reached for his gun and scanned the hallway before closing and locking the door. He helped me to the couch, then without asking grabbed two beers and handed me one. It’s nice having a brother sometimes.

“So what kind of trouble are you bringing to my doorstep today?” He asked lightly, sitting down across from me. I drank down about half the bottle in one gulp.

“No trouble today, just me. Looking to get blind drunk. That okay with you?”

He let out a low whistle. “Trouble in paradise already?”

“What? No, paradise? What are you talking about?” My mind was still reeling from what I’d Seen. My head hurt, my mouth tasted like vomit and my throat was raw from screaming and dry heaving. My eyes darted nervously around the room.

“Hmm, well I thought you were here to discuss whatever tryst left you wearing a turtleneck to hide your hickeys like a teenager, but now I’m starting to worry. What’s got you so spooked?”

“Nothing. Mm’fine.”

“Clearly.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “What smells like rancid Chinese food? I-is that vomit on your shirt?” I shrugged. “Mkay, let’s get you into some clean clothes.” He disappeared and came back a moment later with one of my old t-shirts. When I didn’t move he sighed and started taking the sweater off for me. His knuckles brushed against my ribs and he swore. “Do you think you could give me a hand here?”

“Give me booze, take off my shirt, Thomas are you trying to have your way with me? Because I'm not the kind of girl who gives it up so easily.” I told him, batting away his hand and shrugging out of the turtleneck. As he handed me the shirt I noticed his knuckles were blackened. “What happened to you, you get in a fistfight with a fire sprite?”

“ _You_ happened to me, idiot. Never mind that, what the hell happened to _you_? What kind of creature can even leave handprints on you anymore? Were you wrestling one of the forest folk?”

“No, I uh,” I pulled on the shirt and took another drink. There was a small clinking noise and I realized it was my kinetic rings hitting the glass bottle in my trembling hands. “It’s been a strange couple of days.”

“Is this what brought you into the shop earlier?”

“No, that's resolved apparently. This is something different.”

When I didn't say anything else, Thomas cleared his throat. “Okay, so clearly that's a sore subject, let's talk about something else. Maybe, uh, I don't know, your mystery girlfriend.”

I took another drink and scowled. “I don’t have a mystery girlfriend.”

“Fine, whatever, your girlfriend that you just haven't gotten around to telling me about yet?”

“I don't have one of those either.” I tried to take another drink, found my bottle empty and scowled at it. Thomas smoothly took the empty bottle to the kitchen and replaced it with a full one. He arched one eyebrow at me as he passed it over.

“Your mystery _boyfriend_?” I took a half-hearted swing at him. “Okay fine, your lover, your one-night stand, your…oh god, not your ex? Did you sleep with Murphy again? Harry you two-“

“No, it wasn't Murphy, “ I snapped. I ran a hand over my face, suddenly feeling exhausted. “Listen, how confident are you that the apartment isn't bugged?”

“Well, I don't think Lara has been bugging it, now that I play for the home team again, but even if she had, I'm a little surprised the light bulbs haven't exploded with the state you're in. I can pretty much guarantee any small electronics with fine moving parts have exploded. Probably for anyone on this side of the building.” He pulled his half-blackened cellphone out of his pocket with a meaningful look. 

“Sorry, you can put it on my tab.” I leaned forward. “Listen, if I tell you this, it stays just between us okay?”

“Sure, what’s one more family secret?”

I took a long pull off my new beer, slammed it down, looked him in his eyes and said, “I slept with Molly.”

“Hot damn. About time! When?”

“A couple times last night, and a few more this morning and again tonight.” He choked on his beer.

“Mm. Molly Carpenter. You’ve done me proud, Harry.” He patted me on the back. “So why are you here getting drunk with me over this thing you don’t want to talk about instead of getting some sexual healing from miss technically-no-longer-jailbait?”

“You are disgusting. I can’t believe we’re related. Incidentally, grandpa is coming to visit soon.”

His eyes widened then narrowed. “That’s fascinating and don’t think we’re not going to have a conversation about it later, but you’re not getting out of this that easy. You’re avoiding the question. Why aren’t you at Molly’s right now?” So, I told him what had happened, everything from Sunday night dinner through my arrival.

“Wow, that’s…hey, listen, no relationship is perfect, you know?” He finished off his bottle in one smooth chug. “Still, that’s...I knew she had some crazy lurking under the covers and she’s carried that torch for a long time so…mind-blowing though…”

“You’re rambling.” I pointed out.

“Okay. Let’s sort this out. So, Molly is bound to and also becoming the Winter Lady. We already knew that, right? That's how mantles work? ”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I sighed. “But it's different seeing it.”

“So it sounds like she might have had a point. She's not the same person anymore, literally, right?”

“Yes and no, I think? My Molly is still there, but I think she's changing, her soul is merging with it and every day she's a little less human, a little more fae.”

“Your Molly,” Thomas repeated with a knowing smile. He nodded slowly. “That's gotta be rough on her, one half-monster to another. But at least she’ll have you to, y’know, ground her. Hey, who’d have thought that in your relationship you’d be the Justine?”

“I’m not the Justine!” I protested. “I’m the Harry. And I’m not in a relationship.”

“Alright, if you don’t want to use labels that’s fine, the important thing is you’ll be there to give her the love and support she needs to get through this while we find a way to fix it.” I became fascinated by a spot on the floor just between my feet and said nothing. “Harry, we _will_ fix this, right?”

“I don’t see how. Our positions are for life. Her career options are being promoted to Queen or retiring into a plot six feet deep.”

“Impossible has never stopped you before.”

“No, but it has brought us here. I'm running out of tricks to pull out of my sleeve and friends to get caught up in the crossfire.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” His tone brought me up short.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. This pity party you're doing here? Get over it. Now. Molly can't afford it. You think it's your fault that she's the Winter Lady? You're wrong. But it's going to be your fault if we lose her and you didn't do anything to stop it. Maybe we’ll find something, maybe we won’t, but we’re going to try. Because Molly obviously needs you and you need her too, even if you’re too dumb to realize it.”

“You’re right, of course. We have to at least look. I could go borrow Bob and then we could try-”

“What you need to do is high-tail it back to Molly’s house and apologize for running out on her.”

I blinked a few times. “What?”

“You are astounding. For a serial monogamist, you are astonishingly bad at dating.”

“We’re not dating,” I insisted.

“You’re having sex. You’re eating meals together. You’re in love. What else would you call it?”

I laughed. “We’ve been sleeping together for just over 24 hours. I’d hardly call it-“ Thomas gave me a flat look, his eyes shifting to a lighter shade of grey. He calmly reached over and laid his hand over mine. It immediately started smoking and peeling and he pulled it back quickly, closing his eyes.

“You idiot. You didn’t even know.”

I blinked a few more times. “But I haven’t been protected since Anastacia and I…”

“Until now.”

“Maybe Karrin and I..."

“No. You’re in love. You have been for a while. And now that you’ve finally acted on it, you’re protected again. And I’m not going to let you fuck this up. Trust me, right now she is feeling like a real monster. After all, she opened herself up to you and you vomited on her rug and ran away like a little bitch. You need to go back to her house, grovel before her, and convince her you're not going anywhere. You got it?”

“I’m in love with Molly,” I said slowly.

“Ding ding ding, we have a winner!”

“And she loves me back.”

“Survey says – ‘duh, you dumbass.’’’

I smiled. “And I’m going to save her.”

“Of course you are. You’re Harry-fucking-Dresden.” He agreed. A grin split across his pale face and I found myself grinning back.

“I’ve gotta fix this.” I threw on my duster on my way out the door and pelted down the stairs two at a time.

“You owe me a conversation about ‘grandpa’!” Thomas bellowed after me.


	12. Chapter 12

The street was quiet when I pulled into the driveway and unnaturally dark. It took me a moment to realize the streetlights were all out. Oops. I’d probably done that on my way out. I hesitated for just a moment at the door, debating whether or not to knock and then decided to just head straight in. Shadows filled the hallway, the only light coming in from the sliver of moon outside. The switch made a useless click when I flipped it but otherwise nothing. Not to worry, I pulled out my mother’s pendant and gave it a little juice. The soft blue glow was a needed comfort as I moved past the living room and shadowy figures leapt and danced along the walls. Call me crazy, but once you’ve met a man whose shadow moves independently of him, it’s hard to convince yourself that there’s nothing there.

The living room was in a state of chaos. Splinters that were hardly recognizable as the former coffee table were heaped against the far wall. The couch was upended. Something crunched under my feet and I knelt down to inspect it. Shards of glass and thin wood were strewn throughout the floor, and mixed among them were ashes. I looked around and realized – the family photos were missing. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and panic gripped me tightly.

“Molly!” I burst through the bedroom door with no recollection of how I’d even gotten there. The room was dark, the curtains drawn shut. For a moment I thought I was wrong, maybe she’d gone out, but then I saw the soft flicker of candlelight playing under the bathroom door. “Molly, I’m sorry, I’m a colossal idiot. Please, can we talk?” There was perfect silence, not even the sound of breathing. “Molls?” I called. “Molly? Please. Please give me a chance to talk to you. I fucked up big, kid. You deserve better, I just…” Cold fear started creeping up my spine at the complete silence and I started fearing the worst. “Molly?” I tried the door and found it locked. “Molly! Open the door!” I pounded my fist so hard against it that it warped the wood. I thought that maybe I’d heard a sound, but I couldn’t be sure. “Molls, I’m going to break this door down if you don’t answer me.”

“Go away, Harry.” Barely more than a whisper, tired and weak.

“No. Not now and not ever.” She said nothing. “Please come out so we can talk about this.”

“…No.”

“Okay, then I’m coming in there.” More silence. She couldn’t say I didn’t warn her. I reached into the cold well of power my Knighthood provided and with my newfound strength I ripped the hinges straight out of the wall and removed the door.

The coppery tang of blood filled the room, which made sense given the pool of it on the floor. Molly was sitting at the center of it. She was naked, except for the thick coat of dark red that had covered her legs, running in rivulets down her chest, arms and stomach. There were thin white scars across most of her body, but none appeared to be currently bleeding. Her face, normally pale, was the white of bleached bones, her features contorted in a grotesque mask of pure agony. She held a knife to her own throat in one shaking hand.

“Hells bells, Molly, what are you doing?” I started to move toward her but she tensed her arm, pressing the knife just a bit harder and drawing a few drops of blood. I stopped in my tracks. “Hey, okay, okay.” I automatically slipped into the tone of voice reserved for talking to wild animals that might eat you and hostage negotiations. I raised both hands, palms up. “Let’s just talk, okay?”

Her eyes stared at me, shadowed and wide, but she said nothing.

“That’s a lot of blood,” I observed. “I-is it all yours?” Still, she said nothing. “Your hands are shaking a lot so I think it probably is.” Silence. “I’m going to come a little closer, but I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, okay?” I thought she’d ignore me again but eventually she gave an almost imperceptible nod. “Okay, I’ll go slow so you can see what I’m doing.” I dropped slowly to my knees and shuffled closer until I was right in front of her.

Now that I was close I could see the marks better. The scars looked new, but not brand new, which was strange since the blood appeared to have come from them. It looked like she had made slices across her shoulders, legs, stomach, basically anywhere she could maneuver a knife against. Not little cuts, either, but deep gouges. “Jesus,” Without even thinking, I reached out to trace a thick line that ran over her heart. She flinched at my touch but didn’t stop me. “Oh my god, Molly, I’m so sorry.”

“She won’t let me.” I wouldn’t have recognized the weary croak that came from Molly’s lips if I hadn’t been right there. I looked up sharply, meeting her eyes.

“What’s that?”

“I-I-I tried – trying- b-b-but I…”She pressed the knife tighter but I could see now that she was meeting resistance. Her hands weren’t shaking from blood loss, they were shaking from the effort of forcing her own hand, of fighting an unseen force acting against her. My stomach turned again. The light was gone from those baby blue eyes as they stared pleadingly into my own. She looked vacant, broken, like a lifeless husk. “I’m not strong enough.” There was a duality to her voice, and I wasn’t sure who was talking.

“Listen, everything is going to be okay, alright?” I heard my own voice from a distance, and it sounded so calm and confident that I almost believed it. “Just, why don’t you hand me the knife, okay?” Her eyes narrowed for a moment and then relief washed over her and she practically threw the knife into my hands.

“Yes, y-y-you can d-do it. We c-c-can’t stop you. This is what you do. You’re a hero, you slay the monsters!” I tossed the knife over one shoulder, heard it thud softly on the bedroom floor and she wailed in despair, trying to lunge over me after it.

“No, that’s enough of that.” I picked her up in a fireman’s carry and got her into the shower. I inspected her thoroughly before I turned on the water, but I couldn’t find any wounds that were still open. I ran the shower head over her, turning her as needed to clean all of the blood off. The entire time she begged and screamed incoherently, pleading with me to finish the job, to put her down. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “ENOUGH! Molly, enough.” I placed one hand over her mouth when she started to respond. “Listen to me. You are not in a good place right now. I get that. You know better than anyone how much I get that. And I intend to stay here with you until we can get you down off this ledge. But if you continue, I’m going to have to knock you unconscious and take you somewhere to get help – maybe to the Council, if they’ll still talk to me, or to Arctis Tor if they won’t. I don’t want to do either, but I will if I have to to keep you safe from yourself, do you understand? Nod if you understand.” Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates, but she nodded and I removed my hand.

“Please don’t take me to Arctis Tor, Harry. She can’t know about this, please please please don’t-“

“That’s entirely up to you.” I turned off the water. “Will you promise not to hurt yourself again?”

“Harry, please. Don’t take me to-“

“Promise. Swear to me right now, on your power, that you will not hurt yourself again.”

She fell to her knees, sobbing. “I…can't…”She choked out. “Please Harry, I can’t…” I grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back, looking into her eyes.

“I’m giving you a choice right now Molly.” Each word was edged in fire and fury. She wanted Harry Dresden, the hero? Here he was. “Because you're hurting, and because I'm at least partially to blame for that hurt. And because tonight has been one of the most terrifying nights of my life. Option one: You continue down this path of self-destruction and I bring you to Arctis Tor myself in chains of cold iron. I fulfill my duty as her Knight and let the Queen handle your recovery as she sees fit.” She shuddered, her breathing labored. “Option two: you make me a promise, in good faith, to not harm yourself again. We go have a much-needed conversation and we put this behind us. I’d vastly prefer option two, but the choice is yours.”

Her face was pained, as though she'd swallowed something that tasted foul. “I can't swear to you that I'll never hurt myself.” Her voice was small and filled with disgust. “It’s too vague. Even if I didn't try _this_ ,” she gestured to herself, to the multitude of cuts “again, I couldn’t promise that I'd never hurt myself. I might stub my toe on a table.”

“Then promise you won't intentionally hurt yourself.”

“What if I want to get another piercing? Or I need to pluck a hair for a spell? Or rip off a Band-Aid?” I started to protest but she continued. “If it will appease you, I swear on my power that I will not do anything to intentionally cause myself additional significant physical harm tonight, and furthermore that I will adhere to both the letter and the spirit of the deal. So mote it be. Satisfied?”

I released my grip on her hair and pulled her up, wrapping my arms around her. “Molly, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have run out and I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just didn’t think-“

“Harry. Just stop.” She was stiff as a board in my arms, unyielding and cold. I released her gently and she stepped back. “I made you your promise. You wanted to talk, let’s talk. You have until sunrise.”

“Um.” Ah yes, truly a master of eloquence am I. “Okay. Maybe we should get you into some clothes?” She shrugged but followed me out into the bedroom. Her eyes tracked me as I grabbed the knife, pocketing it, but she got dressed anyway. I stood awkwardly, not sure if I should be watching or not, wondering how my life had gotten so far off track in just 48 hours. I was startled when something brushed against my hand and I saw her offering a pair of sweat pants.

“Your pants are bloody and wet.” She said. “I know you’re used to it, but I thought you might be more comfortable in clean clothes as well.”

“Thanks, Molls,” I tried to smile at her, and I saw a ghost of a smile flicker over her face in response. She politely looked away while I changed, although I caught her glancing back a couple times. I took my shirt off as well, after a moment’s indecision. It wasn’t as wet or bloody as my pants, but it definitely wasn’t clean. “So, do you just want to sit on the bed, or is that weird?”

“Nothing about this isn’t weird Harry. I don’t know.” Her voice was tired and frustrated. “Yeah, I guess let’s sit on the bed.” She sat cross-legged at the head of the bed and I did the same at the foot. We sat in silence for several long minutes staring at our legs, the bed, darting nervous glances at each other. Finally, I opened my mouth to start apologizing at the exact same time as she said: “Why would you stop me?”

“What?”

“You’ve seen me, seen what I’ve become. Why would you stop me? You shouldn’t have to be the one to do it. You’ve already done enough.”

“Molls, I don’t know what you think I saw but, I have no intention of…”

“Killing me?” She finished, when it became obvious that I couldn’t, wouldn’t. “Of course you don’t. Not right now. But you will someday. And it will crush you. I saw what it did to you to have to kill Susan. It’s eating at you inside like a cancer. I don’t want you to have to do the same for me.” She mistook my silence for agreement. “It’s not like this is the first time I’ve thought about it, even before becoming the Winter Lady. Especially when you were gone. But this was different.

“To come this close and still not be able to have what I wanted, to have you finally interested and to not be able to give you what you need. To know that you know what a monster I truly am, that I’m something that scares you. It gave me what I needed.” She held out her arms, examining them, and I could see the deep grooves she’d gouged out, running from her wrists all the way up to her inner-elbow. They should have been fatal wounds, would have been on anyone else. “But the bitch wouldn’t let me go. She kept healing the wounds almost as they were opening.”

“Immortality is just one of the perks of the job.” A voice that might have been my own said, clinical, distant, not willing to process what was being said. “There was no way you were going to do anything but critically injure yourself, put yourself out of commission for a few weeks, months maybe. Nothing you or I could do would be more permanent.”

“Bullshit, I watched Maeve kill Lily, watched Murphy kill Maeve.”

“That’s a one-night-only trick.” I sighed. “Which is irrelevant because no one will be killing you.”

“Your birthday?” She asked, but I knew she already knew the answer. She was there. That’s what started this.

“My fucking birthday.” I agreed. It had almost universally been a bad day for me, and the way this was going, I wasn’t expecting this year to be different. “Halloween. Again, irrelevant because no one is killing you, Molly.”

“We’ll see.” She stuck out her jaw in a challenge, and the gesture was so typically her that I wanted to laugh until I thought about what she was challenging.

I ground my teeth. “Alright. You want to throw your life away, that’s your choice. I've told you before, life is made up of choices. I can't make them for you. But I want you to know, you’re making a mistake.” I met her eyes. “I will never stop seeing the best in you. I will never stop believing in you. I will always trust you to make the right choice, even when there are no good options. You’ll never be a monster to me.”

“But you _saw_ me. You _saw_ me and you _ran_.” Even without my Sight, I think that image will be forever burned into my mind – Molly’s tear-stained face, devastated and aching, something worse than heartbreak. I’ll never forget it because I’d felt it myself, the night I’d killed Justin, and I’d recognized it plain as day. It was a look that sprang from having trusted someone wholly and completely, from building your life around them, and then having that trust betrayed, the very pillar of your life knocked out from under you. Until tonight, Molly had known, despite what she said, that no matter what I’d support her, and when she had needed me most I’d fled. She just couldn’t see that I was the monster, not her.

“I didn’t run from you,” I said quietly, grabbing her hands. When she started to protest I quickly continued. “No, you’re right, I did run. I ran with my tail between my legs like a scared animal. But I wasn’t running from you, Molls.”

“No, just from the creature I’ve become.”

“Do you want to know what I saw? Really?” She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. So I told her. I told her about the Winter Lady, bound to her. I told her how they begged me, in tandem, and their need. And then I told her my theory, the same one I’d told Thomas.

“So you think I’m not a monster, but I’m becoming one?”

“I think we already knew you were gradually becoming fae, which isn't the same thing as being a monster by default. But I think we also learned something important.” She looked at me expectantly. “She's just as bound to you as you are to her.”

“Which brings me back to my point about Halloween.”

“Won't accomplish anything other than wasting your life and crushing your friends and family, including me. The mantel will just be passed on to the next closest vessel.”

“Then what's your point?”

“Well, this is just a theory I'm working on but…you know how Bonnie was conceived, right?”

“You picked up a Denarian, the Fallen inside got into your head and left you a time bomb?”

“Sort of. When I picked up the coin, an imprint of the angel Lasciel took root in my brain. She would talk to me, promise me things. She uh, she actually came to me as you once and offered…never mind. Later time. The point is, she tried every trick in the book to get me to pick up the coin for good, including talking to my subconscious. But persuasion can work two ways. And in the end, while Lash definitely changed me, I had also changed her. And I think maybe you can do the same. You don’t have to give up who you are to be the Winter Lady. You can make that bitch give up her ground instead. Or at least meet somewhere in the middle.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Hope. Stubbornness. Because I can’t think of any other solution so it has to work. But mostly because you’ve already been doing it. I mean, you’re the only person I’ve ever met who is as consistently obstinate and strong-willed as I am. No one is going to change who you are.” I pulled out Thomas’s line. “You’re Molly-Fucking-Carpenter.”

She smiled. It looked out of place on her worn, weary face, but I’d never been happier to see it. “It’s a good theory. I hope you're right, but I'm not so sure. I…Harry, I’ve told you this before, I _like_ being the Winter Lady. I don't know if I even want to fight her. Maybe I gave up fighting a long time ago. I…I don't feel human anymore.”

“Well, there’s something else you should know.” I squeezed her hands gently. “Molly, I…I love you.”

She couldn't have looked more surprised if I'd slapped her. “You…what?”

“I'm sorry, I know it's quick. We haven't even made it to a first date yet, but I think it's important that you know I'm in love with you.”

“If this is your way of trying to talk me down-“

“I went to Thomas’s tonight. I was supposed to meet with him anyway, to see what info Lara might have about the Ways – prior to our conversation in the lab – and he knew right away. Molls, he brushed his knuckles against my skin accidentally and they turned black.”

“Oh. Umm. Oh.” She looked bewildered. 

“We don’t…we don't have to do anything with that knowledge if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know, and to tell you I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for the long haul. No matter what happens, in whatever capacity you'll have me, I’ll be here by your side until the very end.”

“You're sure it’s me? I mean, have you touched him since you and Karrin…?”

“Yeah, I'm sure. It took me a while to see it but,” In spite of everything I smiled at her, “I've never been surer. I am terrified, truly terrified of what the future holds for us, but I've already made my choice. There's no other path for me. It's you and me, come hell or high water. If you'll have me.”

“I love you too?” It was a statement, and a question and a realization all at once. “I mean, right? White Court magic, it has to be reciprocated?”

“That's right. I can't fathom why but it seems you do. But that doesn't mean-“

“I love you.” She looked deep into my eyes, searching and a slow grin spread across her face. “Winter doesn't feel love, not really, but _I_ love you!” I returned her grin and we sat there for a moment, staring at each other like two fools, as though there wasn't a puddle of blood on the bathroom floor, a knife in the pocket of my duster where it was tossed in the corner. As if we hadn't fought and yelled and seen things in each other that were profound and terrifying and that we could never unsee. For just a moment, everything in the world was alright because we loved each other and there was no going back from that point. I almost fell off the bed when she tackled me, wrapping me in a bear hug.

Eventually, I persuaded her to let go long enough for us to both get situated at the top of the bed and to cuddle up under the covers. She lay her head on my chest and I held her in my arms. “I'm sorry,” she said after a while. “I didn't mean-that is, you didn't have to-and I just-“

“Take a deep breath, it’s okay. You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry, for everything. You wanted me to look and see the real you and I…didn't handle it well. But that's not on you, that's on me.” She didn't say anything. “Did I tell you when I soulgazed Susan, she actually fainted?”

“No way, really?” I nodded, and she giggled. 

“It wasn't funny at the time but yeah. I've had a lot of bad reactions when people soulgaze me. I should have known better, should have stayed. I know how it feels. I mean, other than when you Saw me as a spirit, I've never had someone look at me with the Sight but-“

“I've looked at you with my Sight more than once.” She said, quietly. 

“You have?” I asked, “When?”

“A few times when you first taught me how. The night you first came back to Chicago, just to be sure. Again tonight. It only seemed fair. Do you know what I saw?” I shook my head. “I saw you on a battlefield. A million shapeless beings swarming you from all sides. You were wreathed in soulfire, burning like a star in an endless darkness. There was blood on your hands, up to your elbows. One hand was curled around a fireball, the other ended in claws and held a ball of frost. You turned as I approached, and I was hit with the full force of your will, an insurmountable object, and fury poured out of you. You stood in judgment for all of the wrongs ever committed, to the injustice of a cold uncaring universe full of monsters. And you alone would stop them.”

“Intense,” I said, mulling it over. “Is that all you saw?”

“No.” I gave her a moment and when she didn't respond I decided she wasn't going to elaborate.

“Is that what you saw the first time, too?”

“Not exactly. The first time there was less blood, less monsters, less fury. Before you seemed scared and alone but confident.”

“And this time?”

“You didn't.” Her expression was positively impish, and I gave her what I hoped was a good glare in return. “This time you were a different kind of confident, like you'd accepted your role, or you were resigned to it. You knew who you were in a way that younger you never could have. And when I reached to you, you reached back out to me and pulled me up beside you and I was filled with a fire that threatened to consume me but never did. It ate up all of my inadequacies, my fears, my problems and it made me whole.”

I grunted. “That sounds…yeah, intense.”

“You're a pretty intense guy.” She snuggled in close. “Harry, are you sure this is what you want? I know you think this is going to get better but what if it doesn’t? What if you're wrong, and I can't fight this?”

“You can. You have been.”

“But what if?”

“If that happens, which it won't, I'll still be there. If I have to slip further into my mantel to follow you, I'll do so. But it’s not going to happen.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I love you too much to lose you. I’ll rewrite the laws of the universe if that’s what it takes to keep you here and safe with me.”

She smiled sleepily. “My hero.”

I felt her breathing slow, felt sleep overtake her, but I didn't move. Once she'd been out for a while I tilted my head down to look at her and wasn’t surprised to see the full moon eyes of the Winter Lady staring back at me. “Good evening and thank you.”

“I did you no favors sir knight.”

“You stopped her from harming herself. Even though you did it out of self-preservation, it still served both of our desires.”

“You think you understand because you've seen me.” Her lips curled at the edges. “You do not. We are one being. Fear not – I will allow her to retain her personality, her will, and I will not interfere in your mortal trysts, however ill-fated they seem. But understand, she is my vessel and I will not give her power up lightly.”

“Understood. Thank you, My Lady. Now please let her sleep, she's earned it.”

I watched her sleep for a long time, memorizing every inch of her face until I finally found myself drifting off too.

I tried to remember why I was panicked when I woke up alone in a cold bed with the early morning light seeping in around the edges of the curtains. I was in Molly’s bed, I remembered that, and I felt like I’d had a nightmare…I rolled over and saw the bathroom door leaned against the wall where I’d left it last night and everything flooded back to me, including a promise not to harm herself until daybreak.

“Molly!” My legs tangled in the bedsheets as I scrambled to bolt out of bed and I ended up falling flat on my face on the floor. “Molly, don't-“

Her head poked out of the door frame. “Dohn wahhd?” She asked around a mouthful of toothpaste. She looked at me, lying prone on the floor, desperately trying to escape and she started laughing hysterically, flecks of toothpaste going everywhere. She hastily spit into the sink and rinsed off her brush, then came out to help me disentangle. “How did you even do this? How can you be too awkward to even make it out of bed successfully?”

“I was worried. You weren’t in bed and…”

“And? What, that automatically meant something bad happened?”

“You swore until sunup.” I sounded petulant to my own ears. “I thought...”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh. Harry, no, I...no. not now. Not after…” One small, soft hand ran along my face, tracing my cheek with her thumb. “You said it yourself, I wasn’t in a good place yesterday, but you brought me out of it.”

“And what, just like that you’re fine?”

“For now.” She shrugged. “Look, Harry, this is what it’s like with me. I've had... issues ever since I…” She waggled her fingers “messed with Nelson and Rosie. I can go months at a time where I'm fine but then something sets me off and,” She shrugged again. “Last night was different. That's not…typical…but it's been building since I became the Winter Lady. I can't control my emotions as well. My highs are higher, my lows are lower. And I’ve been on a downward spiral for a few days now and, well, outside of my issues I'm still not sure I was entirely wrong. It might actually be what's best for us both, but-“ She held up a hand, forestalling me. “But. I want to give it a shot. If it doesn’t work out, well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“It will never come to that, Molls. No matter what.”

She made a noncommittal noise. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re up. Coffee just finished brewing. You want a cup?”

“Or ten. I feel like I haven't slept in a month.”

“If I hadn’t seen you sleeping this morning, I could believe you hadn't, knowing you.” She laughed, ducking out of the room. A moment later she returned with a cup in each hand and handed me mine before climbing back into bed next to me. The coffee was perfect, of course. I groaned with delight and she giggled, slipping her free hand into mine. We sat in a companionable silence for a while, before she finally said: “So, what did you tell Thomas?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m sure he asked when your touch burned him,” Everything in her tone and expression was casual, but I knew better. “What did you tell him?”

“Well uh. I didn't actually notice right away. He had to point it out to me.” I took another gulp of coffee to hide my burning face but she laughed anyway.

“That sounds like you. But it doesn’t really answer my question. What did you tell him? Thrice I ask. If you were sidhe you'd have to answer me now.” I shot her a glance and her eyes were still sparkling. She was teasing me.

“Fine, fine, yes I told him that we slept together. That we were…whatever we are.”

“Did you tell him it was me?” I remembered her telling me yesterday morning that she didn't want to tell anyone for a while and thought about lying but decided against it and nodded. “Oh!” Her delighted cry made me think she had expected me to say I lied to Thomas. “How did he take it?”

“He was happy.” She arched an eyebrow. “Okay, he thumped me on the back and told me that it was about time and that he was proud of me. And he made several lewd comments that I don’t think you need to hear.”

“Oh, did he?” She purred, thoughtful.

“Hey, at least wait for me to leave the room before you start to fantasize about cheating on me with my brother.”

“It’s not cheating if you’re both involved.” I almost died choking on my coffee and she laughed. I was almost sure she was joking…almost. “Plus, _would_ it be cheating?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean…sleeping together doesn’t necessarily mean we’re an item.” She turned her wide eyes on me, the portrait of innocence.

“I told you, I don't do one-night stands.” I ruffled her hair fondly.

“So, friends with benefits then?”

“Molly, we've got protection from the White Court. I think we’re a bit beyond that.”

“Really good friends with really good benefits.” Two baby-blue saucers blinked at me while a coquettish smile played at her face.

“I see.” I smiled back. “Molly, I didn't tell Thomas you were my girlfriend last night. But I'd like to be able to tell people that going forward. Would that be alright with you?”

She made a show of thinking about it. “I suppose I wouldn’t hate it.”

I rolled so that I was on top of her and felt her breath catch. “Good. Because I love you. Very much.” I punctuated each sentence with a slow kiss.

“I love you too.” She was breathless, staring at me like I'd just shown her the face of God. I ran my hands up her sides, trailing the tips of my coarse fingers over her skin.

“Do you have plans for today?” My mouth traced her jawline, her neck, the small bones just below the ear.

“I should probably see about getting some new living room furniture, mmm, and light bulbs, and aahhh-a new TV.” She gasped as one hand found her nipple. “Or this. Let's just do this. All day. Forever.”

“If you insist,” I lowered my mouth to run my tongue along the stiffening peaks of her breasts, tracing every bump outlining her areola. Unbelievably smooth skin glided under my hands like silk as she moved beneath me, occasionally interrupted by the small scars she still bore from last night. The first time I touched one we both tensed, waiting for the other to stop or object, but I ran my fingers lightly over it and continued with renewed vigor. I couldn’t change the past, couldn't change what had come between us, what had almost happened, and nothing I did would ever make up for it. But I gave her what I could. The comfort of skin against skin, the very human feeling of sweat and body heat. All of my love, desire, and support, I poured into this act, this consummation of our love for each other.

I moved one hand between her legs, intending to relieve the built-up pressure I could feel forming in her, but she stopped me. “No, Harry please, just you.” Her eyes were bleary, her speech slurred with need. “I want you closer. Need to feel you.” Her hands clutched at the waistband for my sweatpants and I peeled them off obligingly while she wiggled out of her panties. I stroked myself a few times as I knelt over her, desperate and aching. It hit me like a freight train, my love for her crashing in on me in that moment, and before I knew it I was in her. My arms wrapped around her, pulling her close to me. Suddenly any distance was too much, any part of me that wasn't connected with her was a painful loss, I needed….oh god I needed…I needed everything she had and more. I gave and received in kind, our hips grinding against each other. I felt her bite my shoulder to muffle the sounds she was making and rubbed her back lightly.

“Molly, I love you so damn much,” I panted “You don’t – I can't-“

“Shh.” She placed two trembling fingers against my lips and smiled. “I know. I love you too, Harry.” She gripped my hips, guiding me against her. “Oh god, Harry. Mmm, don't stop, yes, take me, I'm yours.”

“I'll give you everything.” I slammed into her hard enough my teeth rattled and I didn't care. My voice was a low growl, thick with desire. I found words tumbling out with each thrust and I didn't have the restraint left in my body to stop them. “I'm yours. I'll keep you safe. I'll take care of you. I'll stand beside you. Always. I love you. Molly I-“

“-love you, Harry!” She gasped, body bowing back in an arc. I could feel her muscles contracting and spasming around me and let myself go. After a moment I collapsed on top of her, feeling myself rising and falling in time with her own chest, trying to catch our breath. “What was that?” She finally murmured, toying with my hair with one finger.

“Making love?” I said, one cheek resting against the bed. I could feel her laugh.

“Gross. I was into it until you said that. ‘Making love’ is what old people do after putting on Marvin Gaye. Like, my parents make love.”

“I’m old enough to be your parent.” I rolled over so we could shift into our usual position and she cuddled up to me. “And please don’t ever mention Charity and Michael’s sex life again. It’s just weird to hear you say it.”

“I always assumed it’s lights off, socks on, missionary-style for the sole purpose of procreation.”

“Oh no, its definitely not,” I said before I could stop myself, and immediately regretted it.

“What do you mean?” She asked excitedly. “What do you know? What has he told you? ”

“What? Nothing. Your dad's not the type to kiss and tell, but just look at them when they look at each other. Look at how they move when they're in a room together. There’s no way they aren’t twice as intense when they’re, uh, alone. Your parents are the two most in-love people I have ever met.”

“Cool, so now I’ll think of my parents getting it on the next time I see them. But I know what you mean.” She nodded. “They set unreasonable expectations for us all.” I traced her lips with my fingertip before planting a kiss there. “Anything less than a knight in shining armor just won't do.”

“How about a wizard in a dirty trench coat?”

“I like my wizards better wearing nothing at all.” She took my cock in one hand, stroking it gently as we lay there “Easier access.”

“Are you secretly a 14-year-old boy? No one wants sex this much.”

“ _You_ want sex this much,” Her breath was hot in my ear.

“Yeah, but, look at you. Of course, who wouldn't want to have sex with you, every hour of every day in every position? But _you_ want to have sex this much with _me_. Which is insane.”

She shrugged and sped up the pace. I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. “I've had a long time to think about you, what you'd look like naked, what it would feel like to have you on top of me, inside of me, what turns you on. I used to touch myself and imagine it was you. Now that I have you, I like to see what I was right about and what I got wrong. For instance, I learned something today that I didn't know before.”

“W – what’s that?” I had to force my brain to focus on her words. I could feel her power running through her veins, tingling up the length of my dick as she worked it. She moved around, kneeling astride my legs, and she looked me directly in the eyes.

“I know what turns you on the most. And I bet I can make you cum with just five words.” She ran her tongue along the underside of my shaft then swirled it up, base to tip, keeping eye contact the entire time. She delivered a light kiss, catching drops of precum with her lips and licking herself clean. She grinned at me and said “I love you, Harry Dresden.” before swallowing me whole. I came immediately and while I didn’t have time to warn her, she didn’t seem surprised, just satisfied. Once I was spent she licked her lips clean again. “I knew that would work.”

I blushed lightly. “I just like hearing you say my name.” And hearing you say you love me. And knowing you want me. And you’re really good with your mouth and hands. “We should go out somewhere tonight. Maybe do dinner and a movie?”

“Harry,” she laughed. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

I sat up. “Well…yeah. I thought, if we’re going to do this for real we should maybe go on a date.” I started backpedaling hard, second-guessing myself. “I mean, we don’t have to, I don’t know if people even go on dates anymore and we’ve already gone beyond that but-“ She laid a hand on my arm.

“I’d love to go on a date with you, you big nerd.” She slid up my body to give me a kiss, making sure to press every delicious curve against me as she did. “But you should know, I’m not one of those easy girls who just gives it up on the first date. I’m going to make you work for it.” For some reason, maybe the wet heat of her grinding against my crotch or the fact that her tongue slid into my mouth, I didn’t believe her.


	13. Chapter 13

I shouldn’t have been nervous. We already knew each other, and already knew that we’d fallen in love (and thank all the gods for magic, because to be honest, it probably would have taken me a year to figure it out and another year to actually tell her without it.) We had slept together a multitude of times over the past few days. We’d seen each other at our best, and at our worst. We’d literally seen inside each other’s souls. So I really shouldn’t have been nervous.

But then why were my hands shaking so badly as I tried to do up the buttons on my shirt? Molly and I had spent half the day in bed, enjoying each other’s company in a wide variety of ways. After, she'd harangued me into helping her pick out a new coffee table, television (which, why? What help could I possibly be?) and various other odds and ends. The day had gone well, things seemed to be back on track between us and I’d been in a great mood. That lasted right up until we got home and Molly had turned me away at the bedroom door, telling me she needed to get ready.

Now here I was, agonizing over every decision. Jeans or dress pants? How casual was appropriate? Certainly not my usual attire but a tuxedo would be too much. I’d finally decided on dress slacks and a button-down shirt, no jacket, but these damn buttons required way too much finesse. I took a deep breath to steady myself as I finally got the last one done and checked the time. Still an hour until we’d agreed to reconvene.

I walked past the door to Molly’s bedroom and paused. The door was slightly cracked and I could hear her singing to herself ever so softly while she got ready. If there were words I couldn't make them out through the door, but the melody was so sweet and happy that I couldn't help but smile at it. It sounded the way the sun feels on your face after a day of cold and rain, like cuddling up under warm, soft blankets with someone you care about. It sounded like your first love when everything is new and wonderful and you both love with everything you have, with no reservations or doubts or fears. I leaned against the wall, just listening to her blissfully innocent song. “Harry?” She called, bringing me out of my reverie.

I considered pretending I wasn’t there, suddenly feeling awkward for just loitering outside her door. “Yeah, Molls?”

“Just making sure it was you. I'm almost ready if you wanted to head out a little earlier.”

“No rush, take your time. I was just on my way down to the lab to check on Bonnie.”

“She might just die of excitement when you tell her what we're doing, “ Molly giggled. “She was very excited to ask me if you'd ‘confessed your feelings’ yet. I'm not sure what she would have done if I'd said no.”

“Neither am I,” I muttered, making a mental note to be more specific when telling Bonnie what she's allowed to discuss with other people. “But yeah, she'll be elated.” After a moment, I added. “It stands to reason. She's part of me, after all, and I'm elated.”

“Have you always been such a romantic cornball?” She laughed.

“Yes,” I said simply. It was true. “Always have been and always will be.”

“…Good. Now go away so I can finish my makeup you big sap.”

“Okay…Hey Molls?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” Somehow I could feel her smile through the door. 

“I love you too. Now go before I come out there and forcibly remove you.” For a moment I thought about resisting just to be obstinate, but I was fairly sure that given our track record it would just end up with one or both of us undressed and then we'd never make it to dinner. 

I was still nervous any time I had to leave her alone. When I closed my eyes I kept seeing flashes of her as she'd been the night before – pale and kneeling in a puddle of her own blood. The irony wasn’t lost to me that I'd killed a sidhe Lady in a similar way – death by a thousand cuts, bled dry. Nor was I ignoring the fact that the only thing that had kept her alive was the monster she was trying to get rid of. A thousand what-ifs ran through my head – what if I had stayed? What if I’d explained myself, then and there? Or worse – what if I hadn’t come back? If I’d stayed at Thomas’s?

I’d noticed her behavior had been odd for a while, but I was just chalking it up to the oddness of becoming the Winter Lady. My own “career change” hadn’t been smooth so far for me and I still found myself acting strangely from time to time. And I had guessed that it must be bothering her too. Plus, she had been known to be a bit…unbalanced…in the past. But I'd just never expected it was _that_ bad. She said she was fine now, but would she have told me the truth if she wasn't? Definitely not. So, yeah, I panicked a little bit every time I couldn't see her.

Bonnie winked to life the moment I rounded the stairs and darted around me, as though inspecting me for wounds. “Harry! Is everything okay? I was worried.”

“Everything is fine, kiddo. What are you worried about?”

She seemed reluctant to answer but finally said “Well, there was a lot of energy being thrown around last night. I could feel it in here even through the wards and shields. I thought…but you're okay?”

“I'm okay, “ I confirmed, offering out my hand. She snuggled against my palm.

“And Molly’s okay?”

“...yeah, for now at least, I think Molly’s okay too.”

“Good. Just be careful, okay? I know you won't, but try?”

I laughed despite myself. “Okay, yes, I will.”

“Soooo...” She swam in loops through the air.

“So?”

“Ugh. Come on, what’s going on with you and Molly? You told her, right? She said you told her! So?”

I rolled my eyes. Of course. One of these days I really needed to get a lab assistant who wasn’t obsessed with my personal life. But I told her anyway. I gave her the highlights, the good and the bad and she listened intently. I got to “-and so we’re going on a date tonight-“ before she finally couldn't hold it anymore.

“Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! Haaaarrrrryyyyy!!!!!!! You're going on a date! With Molly!”

“Heh. Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I feel about it too, kid.” I ran one hand along the back of my neck. “But listen, do you…do you know anything about how our mantles work?”

“I know at least something about everything. What do you want to know?”

“Well, does my theory sound right? Is it…possible?”

“Hmm. Well, everything I know about it says no. This is just a silly pipedream of yours because you don't want to face reality.” I made a strangled noise. “Oops, sorry, I forgot that you don't like it when I'm too blunt. Let me try again. “ She cleared her non-existent throat.

“No, that's fine, you don't need to sugar coat it.” I groaned. “So that's it? She eventually becomes Maeve, I eventually become Slate?”

“Well…” She hesitated “All of the information that I have says yes. But…”

“But?”

“But all of the information that I had would have said your plan wouldn't have worked on Lasciel’s image either. That it would be impossible to create me. You're known for doing impossible things.”

“Yeah, it's amazing what you can do when you're too stupid to realize you can't.” I stretched, looked at the time. “Alright, I've gotta get going. Think about it while I'm gone. If you come up with anything else let me know. In the meantime, I’m going with Plan Lash, because it's the only one I have.”

“Have fun on your date! Kiss her passionately! Make sure there's plenty of foreplay!”

“That's not – I always- you shouldn't say things like that to your dad!” I could feel the flame of my cheeks. 

“Why not? Oh, before you go, the information you asked me for yesterday? About the Queens?”

“Right, thank you. Molly said I don’t-“

“It’s happened a few times before, but only a few, and each time was for the same reason,” A chill ran down my spine and I instinctively knew what it would be before she said it. “Each time, the Queens were going to war.”

Cold, hard, dread settled into the pit of my stomach. I opened my mouth to respond when-

“Harry?” Molly called down the stairs. “Are you down there?”

“Uh yeah, I'll be up in just a second!” I yelled back. Then to Bonnie, in a voice barely a whisper. “Do not discuss this with anyone but me, okay? Everything that we talked about tonight stays between us.” She blinked, her version of a nod. “Great, I'll see you later Bonnie!” I ran up the stairs two at a time and tried not to look as panicked as I felt.

When I came up into the hallway I realized I didn't need to worry – all of my “I don't know how to date people my own age let alone ones that are an entire generation younger” panic kicked in and covered the “Winter and Summer probably just held a war council which I wasn’t invited to and which the creature possessing my girlfriend felt was none of my business” panic. I had seen Molly dressed up before. I'd seen her in the professional business attire that she wore in her official Winter Lady capacity. It was a lot of button-downs and tight but not quite revealing skirts, all in blues and purples and creams. I’d seen her dressed to go out on the town, in her dyed-hair, goth/punk nonsense. The short skirts with torn tights or ripped jeans that she was painted into, everything made of studded leather and piercings on display. A look that screamed, “I've got daddy issues, wanna play?”. I guess I had expected that Molly’s date night look would be some combination of the two.

I was completely blown away.

She'd curled her honey-blonde hair and pinned it so that it cascaded over one bare shoulder like a waterfall. Just a hint of pink touched her pale cheeks, her lips a soft brick red. A simple chain necklace hung delicately around her neck, the longest loop stopping just short of the swell of her breasts, which were on clear display. Her body was sheathed in a black dress that hugged her curves in the most fascinating ways, ending in a flirty little skirt that was just long enough to be on this side of immodest. Delicate black ribbon twined up her legs to the knees from a set of sandals with a sharp high heel. On the wrong girl, the outfit would have looked like an upscale call girl, but Molly wore it well. She practically exuded sex appeal without looking like she was trying.

“D-do you like it?” My mouth had gone dry, my palms sweaty and my mind had completely lost any ability for rational thought, so it took me a moment to realize she’d even asked a question. And even once I realized it, it took a moment to find my voice.

“Wow.” It was all I could say.

“Good wow or…?” I noticed a natural blush creeping up her cheeks. Her eyes were focused on my shoes. Oh good, at least I wasn’t the only nervous one.

“Good wow. Very good wow.” I affirmed. She sucked her bottom lip for a moment before looking up at me.

“You’re looking pretty wow yourself. You clean up well, Dresden.”

“Eh, I did the best I could with, “ I gestured at my overall face and body “this.”

We both stood there awkwardly for a moment or two until Molly finally said: “Soo…should we…?”

“Yeah, let’s uh, y’know.” I stammered. “Let me just grab my-“ Wordlessly she handed me my duster. To my surprise, it was cleaned and polished and when my fingers touched it I could feel that the various spells and such had been reinforced and new protections had been added. “Thank you.”

“Now that you’re going on dates with the Winter Lady, we can’t have you looking like some vagabond who doesn’t know what leather cleaner is.” She smiled before donning her own jacket. It was thin and wouldn’t do much to keep out the chill but then neither of us really needed a coat for warmth.

I only nearly killed us twice on the way to the restaurant, which I was rather proud of, given how hard it was to keep from staring at the woman in my passenger seat. I had a brief argument with the valet, who insisted they only offered valet parking. I informed him that he really didn’t want to find out the hard way exactly how many bones he had in his hand, but if he tried to take my keys from me, he would. Molly took that opportunity to glide out of the car, a vision of black silk and exposed skin. She laid one hand directly on his arm and turned her best demure look on the poor guy, and I knew he was done for before she even spoke.

“Listen, Jeff, I understand, you’re a hardworking guy who’s just trying to do his job.” She sighed heavily and as she did, the glorious mounds of her exposed bosom rose and fell, threatening to escape their cloth prison. “But my friend here, he’s a little paranoid and he can be very...possessive of the things he thinks are his.” She shifted her weight slightly from one leg to the other and the dress rippled tantalizingly over her hips. Even knowing her well enough to know what she was doing, I was still falling for it just as hard as poor Jeff the Valet. “Why don’t you just let him have his fun driving his own little car and you and I can _chat_ while I wait for him?”

Jeff nodded dumbly, probably not even processing anything beyond the fact that she’d asked a question, and I didn’t wait for him to come to his senses. I found a spot where we could make a clean getaway if we needed to beat a hasty retreat and by the time I made it back to the front door, Molly was waiting for me inside by herself.

“What happened to our friend?” I asked her, offering an arm like a gentleman.

“I may have implied that I have kids and that they really need a daddy after their last one walked out, and he suddenly had to go check on something in the back.”

“I’m doing a favor to all mankind by taking you off the market.” I shook my head.

“Hah, not likely. Being in a relationship means I can’t touch, it doesn’t mean I can’t tease.” The knuckles of her hand briefly brushed my nipple through the thin fabric of my shirt and I sucked in a sharp breath. “I really like to tease, Harry.”

I gave my name at the desk and they immediately seated us at a semi-private booth in the back room. The benches were richly upholstered and unbelievably comfortable, and best of all, they had a solid wall behind them. I imagine it was to provide private conversation and soundproofing but to me, it meant three walls surrounding us and no vantage point for someone to attack unseen.

“Wow, I knew this place was going to be fancy but I didn’t expect this. You must need reservations months in advance to get a table. How did you get us in?”

“Magic!” I wiggled my fingers mysteriously and she gave me a look of long-suffering tolerance. “Damn, that one always works on Karrin.”

Molly’s hand froze halfway through turning the page on her menu, her entire body rigid and I winced. “Yes, I imagine a lot of things work on _Karrin_.” She said her name like it was a curse, and pursed her lips as she pretended to review the wine list.

“Sorry, you know me and my mouth. The more nervous I am the dumber the things that come out of it.” She made a noise to acknowledge that she heard me and nothing more. Great, we hadn’t even made it to our drink orders and I’d already ruined the date. Even for me, that was record time. I stared at the menu without actually reading anything and willed myself to think of something to say to rectify the situation when Molly cleared her throat. I looked up and followed her pointed gaze to the flickering lamp above us. “Yikes. Sorry.” I took a deep breath and steadied myself, trying to draw my power back in before I set the place on fire.

To my surprise, she took my hands in hers. “It’s okay, I’m nervous too.” She gave me her small smile and I felt myself relax. “It’s-its weird, right? I mean, you’ve been inside of me, I shouldn’t be-“ The server showed up at exactly that moment to take our drink orders and Molly turned beet red. She mumbled her request (‘a glass of rosé, please’) three times before the poor man understood and I only confused him worse when I asked for a virgin rum and coke, no ice. As soon as he walked away, I started laughing and she smacked my arm playfully.

“Yes, it _is_ weird.” I agreed. “But I feel like I’m a teenager again like I’ve never talked to a member of the opposite sex in my entire life and I have no idea what I’m doing.” And before I could second-guess myself, I added. “And the fact that you are even more breathtakingly beautiful tonight than usual is not helping anything, I might add.”

She tried to hide her delighted smile but wasn’t successful and I felt like I had scored a point somehow. “I wasn’t sure where we were going, and I didn’t know what you like but I figured a little black dress is good for pretty much anywhere.” She looked around in disbelief. “I’m really glad I went with this though. Seriously, how did you get us a same-day reservation here?”

“I know a guy,” I said with a shrug “And you should know, what I like is you. No matter what you’re wearing.”

“Or not wearing.” She said archly.

“Or not wearing.” I agreed. “So…what do people do on first dates?”

“I guess they get to know each other?” She seemed equally perplexed.

“Hm. And how about if they’ve already gotten to know each other in the biblical sense?”

“I don’t think there’s much biblical about what we’ve been doing.” She grinned and leaned forward slightly, allowing just the tiniest edge of a lacy black bra to show. I caught myself staring and she caught me catching myself and sat back, satisfied. Point for Molly. “Alright, how about this, let’s take turns asking questions. I’m sure there’s stuff we don’t know about each other, right?”

“Okaaay,” I said slowly. This had the potential to go south fast since there were definitely things she didn’t know about me that she never needed to know, but I couldn’t very well say no. “You go first. Ask away.”

“Hmm. Okay, where did you go on your first first date?”

“My very first first date?” I thought for a moment. “I took Elaine to the 7-11 and we ate hot dogs and slushies on the sidewalk out front and made out until the owner chased us away for loitering.”

“Now see that, that is exactly the kind of date I was expecting from Harry Dresden, not this upscale fine dining. Just fast food and getting chased by someone.”

“The night is young and there is definitely a convenience store between here and the theater,” I informed her, as though I was imparting great wisdom and she giggled. “Same question for you. Where did you go on your first first date?”

“Randal Welsh took me to the roller rink. He didn’t know how to skate and ended up crying on the floor in the middle of the rink while I skated in circles around him. When we finally got him back in sneakers, he tried to kiss me but his face was wet and snotty and I just sort of awkwardly lowered my head until he kissed my hair.”

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen. Which is too old to not know how to skate and way too old to try to give someone snotty kisses.” I got a vision of poor Randal being rejected by 13-year-old Molly and my heart hurt for him. “My turn again. Does it bother you that I’m younger than you?”

“Stay out of my head, witch,” I teased, 99% joking. “Honestly? I don’t think the age difference bothers me so much as remembering you when you were younger. If I hadn’t met you until you were 20 or even 16, I think it wouldn’t bother me too much. But sometimes I think about the past and…for instance when I was at the 7-11 with Elaine? You weren’t even walking yet. And when you were breaking Randal’s heart? I was already living on my own, running my own business, dating Susan, fighting monsters with your dad. And I can picture you as you were then, and it’s just weird to think that that tiny person grew up and is now someone I’m romantically involved with.” She looked thoughtful but just nodded. “Does it bother you that I’m so much older than you?”

“Not really.” She said, then corrected herself “Well, sort of. It bothers me that I have so little experience compared to you, both in the bedroom and out of it.” Privately I thought she probably had more experience, or at least more practical knowledge and skill, in the bedroom than I did, but it didn’t seem like something to share with her there. “And it bothers me because I know it bothers you. And because, well, I think about how different both of our lives might have been if we were closer in age. I think I've spent half my life wishing I could be 10 years older.”

We were both quiet, lost in thought when the server came back with our drinks and took our orders. “It’s your turn, to ask a question,” I reminded her once he left. She nodded and pursed her lips.

“Did you ever think about this, about us, before? I mean, I know you said a monthish, but before that?”

Damn. She liked asking dangerous questions, didn’t she? “Yes and no. I never allowed myself to consider it seriously because I knew I couldn’t let it happen. Like I said, you were way too young and innocent and you were my apprentice. But, did the thought cross my mind? Of course. God, the night of your trial? Molls, I knew it was coming and I still…nothing that Lasciel ever offered me tempted my morals even half as much as what you offered. If I’d had the mantle then…” I shifted, my pants suddenly a bit too tight, thinking about what might have happened. “And there were other times. You were over every day and you worried about me, took care of me. I thought about how nice it could be to wake up to you every day. When I was stuck on Demonreach, hoping desperately that you weren’t lost to me forever.” I watched her face, her expression conflicted. I’m not sure what she’d expected but evidently not that. “Here’s one for you. Does it disappoint you that I’m not what you imagined me to be?”

“What?” She said, as though she hadn’t heard.

“Well, it’s no secret that you’ve had feelings for me for years. You’ve said it yourself. But there’s no way that I can possibly live up to fantasies that are ten years in the making. Are you disappointed?” I couldn’t meet her eyes, focused on my hands, toying with the edge of my napkin.

“You couldn’t disappoint me if you tried.” She said softly. “I-its – you’re different in a lot of ways than I imagined. And you’re uncannily alike too. Sometimes I-I second guess whether or not I’m imagining this because you behave exactly how I’d expect you to behave, and then other times it takes me completely by surprise because I never would have expected…you’re more tender, more attentive, I don’t know why I didn’t expect that, but I didn’t. And you’re also less…confident. I just expected that by this point in your life you’d be sure of yourself, but…”

“But I’m still an awkward nerd?” We smiled at each other. “Let me fill you in on a secret. I don’t think we ever really become adults. I think we’re all just awkward teenagers, desperate for approval, scared of everything, doing our best to pretend that we know what’s going on and that we have a handle on things.”

She laughed around an exhaled sigh. “So, it's not just me?”

“No, I'm pretty sure we all feel like that. We don't grow up, we just age.”

“Still,” she played with one of my hands, tracing the lines in my palm, the scars on the back. “No, I'm not disappointed. I keep half-expecting to wake up and for all this to be a dream, but not disappointed.” She looked up at me. “I think this is getting a little too serious for a first date conversation. Uhmm, what’s your most embarrassing sex story?”

“Nope. Next question.”

“Aww, come on.”

“You go first.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay, when I was 17 I tried to hook up with this older guy who was friends with my dad. I followed him up to his hotel room and found an excuse to get naked even though he didn’t have any interest in me, but then my mom came and assumed he was taking advantage of me even though he wasn’t and kicked his ass. Or there was this time with a pitcher of ice water...You’ve been there for all of my most humiliating sexual encounters, jerk.”

“Alright, alright. Well, let's see. When I was sixteen Ebenezer came home earlier than expected and caught me,” I cleared my throat “pleasuring myself.”

“That's not too bad, I mean, everybody-“

“On the couch in the living room. To an illustration in one of the textbooks he had me studying.” To her credit, she was trying really hard not to laugh at me as I flushed all the way to the tips of my ears, so I figured in for a penny in for a pound and confessed: “It may have been a drawing of M-the Winter Queen.” It was a few minutes before Molly recovered from the laughing-crying fit that ensued. Once she had, I added, “So I guess we both know what it’s like to sleep with someone we jerked it to as a teenager.” By the time she finally caught her breath, her face was red and her eye makeup (which I hadn’t been able to tell she was wearing) was lightly smudged from her tears.

“Oh my god, that’s just so wrong on so many levels.” She smiled at me.

“Welcome to my life.” I leaned across the table to kiss her and was brought up short by the sight of someone approaching the table in my peripheral vision.

“Well, Mr. Dresden.” The man’s voice was rich and deep, his tongue curling around my name like smoke. “I confess, when they said you were here, I was curious. I didn’t expect…am I interrupting?”

“Marcone.” I tilted my head in acknowledgment, my words coming out around clenched teeth. “What a surprise to see you here.”

“Is it? Did you think you could just show up at one of my establishments and I wouldn’t come investigate?”

“You brought me to a restaurant owned by _this_ asshole?” Molly blurted out, eyes flinty.

“It was the best I could do on short notice,” I shrugged apologetically.

“Then we shouldn’t have gone at all.” She glared daggers at Marcone, and I could feel her power building up around her. He looked back and forth between us, and his eyes narrowed with a short laugh.

“Ah, I see. I _am_ interrupting something.” He clapped his hands together. “So, you and the Knight’s daughter. I never thought you had it in you, Harry. But then I suppose you've done a lot of things lately that I never would have expected. Good thing you didn't agree to work for me. I might have corrupted your morals.”

“Fuck off _John_. And don't call me Harry.”

“Of course, Mr. Dresden. Ms. Carpenter.” A crocodile smile spread across his face as he inclined his head to each of us in turn. “I'll excuse myself and please, anything you'd like is on the house. I know the _Lady_ would sooner die than contribute to my unsavory business. Oh and Dresden?” He said as he started to walk away. “Does your boss know about this little dalliance?”

“I don't know what you’re talking about.” I snarled. We both knew it was a lie and I gripped the table tightly to keep my hands from shaking. 

“Of course. Still, I find myself in need of some rather unique assistance. You're well-situated to provide it, but if you'd rather not, I can always make arrangements with the Queen herself. She seems to enjoy lending me her playthings. Maybe she'd even lend me your apprentice here instead of you.”

“Not fucking likely!” Molly declared, coming to her feet

At the same, I said “You son of a bitch!” and found myself standing as well. To his credit, Marcone’s smile just deepened, all teeth.

“A match made in heaven, surely. You’d both do well to remember that I’m a signatory of _your_ accords. As representatives of the Unseelie Court yourselves, I assume you don’t want to cause a scene at _my_ establishment. I'll be in touch.” He strolled away casually and Hendricks, who had been lurking just out of my line of sight, fell into step beside him. 

I sat back down and unleashed a torrent of swearing and curses that would have made a sailor blush. I felt a prickling sensation crawl across my skin and looked up sharply. Molly was still standing, arms folded, and the glare she had fixed on me could have leveled mountains.

“Molls, I'm sorry, I didn't-“

“Didn't intentionally bring me to an establishment owned by the king of criminal scumbags?” Her anger was a physical force and I felt myself burning in the face of it. “Good, because only a complete idiot would bring a girl to a restaurant owned by one of his nemeses, especially if they were trying to keep their relationship on the dl for now.” 

“You're right, I am a complete and utter idiot. I didn't think.” Her mouth worked wordlessly for a few moments, her nose wrinkled and her eyes blaring. I was saved by the server. He showed up with our meal and Molly reluctantly sat down. “We can leave if you want. Uh, maybe we could-“

She smiled beautifully at the server, batting her eyes. “Excuse me. My dad,” she shot a pointed glance at me “Isn't feeling like his old self. We need to leave sooner than expected. Do you think you could get us two boxes? Oh, and a bottle, no, make it two bottles of the rosé you brought earlier.”

“Those bottles are quite expensive miss, are you certain-“

“Oh, I think if you check with your manager you'll find that our entire bill is on the house, anything we'd like. As for expense,” She produced a wad of cash from a purse that I was fairly certain she hadn’t been carrying earlier and counted out three hundred dollar bills like they were singles. “There you go, for your trouble.”

“Ah, yes ma’am. I'll be right back.”

We sat in silence for a few moments before I finally found my voice. “If you want to just take my car back to your house, I'll walk over to Thomas’s. It makes more sense rather than having me drop you off just to drive back this way.”

“What are you talking about?” Molly asked, exasperated. “Why would you go over to Thomas’s?”

“I just assumed you…you’re upset so I wanted to give you your space?”

“Is that what you did when you and your precious Karrin fought? It's hard to see why you haven't made a relationship last more than a few months.” She snapped. Her eyes went wide as soon as the words escaped her, and she covered her mouth with one hand.

“Wow, okay.” I huffed out a breath. “Well, this has been fun. I'm going to go.”

“No, Harry wait, I’m sorry, I-“ The waiter came back with our meals in boxes and Molly’s wine in a separate bag. We both politely nodded when he confirmed that the manager had indeed comped our entire meal, and we responded appropriately when he thanked us for our patronage and wished us a good evening. I’m sure my smile looked pained but it wasn’t as bad as it would have been to show my true expression – empty and hurt. As soon as he left I continued my retreat, with Molly trailing after me. I could tell she was trying not to make a scene but I didn’t care. She caught hold of the sleeve of my duster halfway through the parking lot. “Harry, hold on, I can’t keep up with you in these stupid shoes. Your car is over here, idiot.”

“I don’t need my car, I’m going over to Thomas’s.”

“Don’t do that. Listen, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that,”

“But you did mean it.” I retorted.

She scrunched up her face. “I, I can’t lie, Harry.” She threw up her hands “Yes, I did mean it, I just didn’t mean to say it, not like that. It’s this stupid mantle. I told you I feel everything harder, and anger isn’t different. But I am sorry.” I started walking again. “Please don’t leave me again, Harry. We don’t have to go back to the house if you don’t want to, but please don’t leave me alone.”

I paused for a moment. “Fine, I’ll walk slower.” I kept walking, listening for the sounds of her steps to make sure she did the same. She hurried up and eventually fell into step beside me.

“Are we walking anywhere in particular?” She asked after a few blocks of awkward silence. I shrugged. “Okay. Are we going to talk about this?” I shrugged again. She stopped, grabbing hold of my arm and turning me so we were standing face to face and her eyes were fiery again. “You know what, yes, I really did mean what I said. Yes, you pissed me off. I’m still very upset with you. We're now in serious danger if Marcone decides to tell you-know-who that we’re sneaking around behind her back and you took an unnecessary risk, flaunting that information in front of him. Plus, we owe him a debt for our meal, and I don’t even want to know how he’ll ask us to pay that back. But that doesn’t mean I’m breaking up with you, or that you have to sleep on the couch tonight. We’re two adults in what I thought was going to be a serious relationship. I shouldn't have to tell you that an argument doesn't make or break us.”

Being the reasonable gentleman that I am, I promptly turned and punched the brick wall of the building next to us, leaving a fist-sized hole. My hand was bleeding, but I had to focus on it to feel the pain at all and even then it was dim and distant, almost like I was imagining it. Still, it served its purpose and when I exhaled I breathed out some of my tension and frustration as well, regaining control of my racing thoughts. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I honestly didn't think Marcone would bother dropping by just because I showed up at one of his places. I mean, I knew he'd get intel on us, but I figured he'd just assume we were here on business together. But you're right. It was stupid and unnecessary, and you're right to be upset. I wanted to take you somewhere nice and I didn't know how else to do it on short notice, which as I'm saying it only makes it sound worse. I'm an idiot.”

“Oh Harry, I knew that going into this,” She said fondly, taking my bleeding hand in hers to inspect it. “I wasn’t even that mad at you until you pushed me away. I’m furious at douchebag Marcone for extorting a favor out of you, and for threatening to get at you through me if you didn't comply, and for insinuating that we’re just Her toys. You were just incidental.”

“So, you're not mad at me?” I knew I sounded like a child, but I couldn't help it.

“Oh, don't misunderstand. I'm very fucking mad at you right now. But it's less to do with you not realizing how bad of an idea this was, and more to do with your willingness to just give up.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do?” My voice was too loud, and I didn't care. “I'm not good at this stuff, Molly. You were right. I don't know what to do in a real relationship. I don't know what to do when I screw everything up. I just assumed you wouldn't want me around.”

I expected her to yell back, to tell me I _had_ screwed up and she _didn't_ want me around but instead, she just frowned at me and cupped my face in one hand. “Harry, that's not how love works. I always want you around. Even when the sight of your face makes me so mad I could scream, I want you with me. And when you mess up, you apologize, and we try to fix it together. And when I mess up, we do the same.”

“Is that what you want though?” I tried to sound calm, collected, reasonable. “It’s only been a couple of days and I’ve messed up big time. This is how I am. I want to say it’ll get better with time but honestly, there will always be something. Messing things up is my specialty.”

“Hey, drop the cool guy act. I know you too well. _You're_ what I want, idiot. Of course you’re going to do something to piss me off again, and I'm going to do something to piss you off. A lot of somethings. Way more than usual because, hey, nigh-immortal here and wizards live a long time. But real relationships are like that. It'll take time and patience and sometimes work.” Her eyes searched mine. “But it's worth it. You're worth it.” She kissed me softly, and I relished the feeling of not having to bend down to kiss someone for once. Our lips locked, and it might have gone further if her stomach hadn’t picked that opportunity to grumble loudly about the lack of food.

“Uh, I guess we did kind of skip dinner. We could just head back to your house if you want. Skip the movie.”

“I’ve got a better idea. The theater’s what, four blocks away?” I nodded “Alright, let's just bring this stuff in with us.” She hurried off and I ran after her.

“They're not going to let us bring take out and wine into the theater.” I laughed. 

“But they will let me bring,” she waved her hand slightly and the bags shimmered. “My purse.” As always, her glamor was flawless. She winked at me and took my hand, racing along the rest of the way. I don't know why we were running, but the thrill of it caught up with me and I found myself grinning by the time we arrived. 


	14. Chapter 14

I'm sure there was a movie playing. I'm confident that we bought tickets for something and that there were previews and opening credits, followed by some acting. I vaguely recall people on the screen, and fighting and maybe some explosions. But for the life of me, I'd never be able to tell you what we saw.

We sat down, close to the back but not so close that we'd blow the projector, and in the middle of the row so that we wouldn't break the speakers. Once the lights went down, we dove into our meals. I expected someone to complain, but it was late on a weeknight and the few other people that were there didn’t seem to care what went on. I heard a soft pop and found that Molly had opened one of the bottles of wine. She took a big long pull off of it, then offered it to me. 

“I’m pretty sure it's illegal to drink in public, even if it’s from a $400 bottle of wine,” I whispered, declining.

“I'm pretty sure I don't care what is and isn't legal in public,” She said quietly with a little giggle. Her free hand, which had been resting on my knee ran back and forth along my thigh, and suddenly the thin fabric of my slacks didn't seem to be enough. Each time her hand came up, her knuckles just barely brushed against my member. The small thrill of contact sent shockwaves through my body.

“I do.” I hissed. “Half of the CPD wants to see me locked up and the other half are still in touch with Murphy. I'm not eager to find out how either group handles public drunkenness, open containers or public indecency.”

“You really need to lighten up. Just relax,” She ran her fingers over the crotch of my pants delicately, the way someone would pet a cat or dog, but it was enough. “No one cares. And if it makes you feel better, I'll make sure they can't see us.” I could feel the glamor settle over us, like a thin curtain of power.

“That’s…brilliant, you're brilliant,” She offered me the wine again and I took a long sip. I’m ashamed to say that we spent the better part of an hour getting very drunk in a movie theater while groping at each other like teenagers. She had to keep reminding me to be quiet since her veil was designed to keep us hidden from sight, not sound. That would have been easier to do, of course, if she hadn’t been so intent on making me cum right there in the theater. It started off light with open-mouthed kisses, the taste of fermented grapes on our tongues, but it got heavier from there. Her hand never strayed from my crotch, constantly stroking and teasing through my pants until my erection stood out, solid and aching. Her fingers were light, her touch too soft and delicate for what I needed, what she was promising. I shifted my hips, trying to press up into her grip and she laughed quietly into my ear.

“I told you I wasn’t going to make it easy for you.” She gave me one good, honest stroke and I groaned then almost panicked when a guy two rows in front of us looked around as if to say something. There was no way that this didn’t look compromising. But of course, his gaze slid over us like we weren’t there. “If you can’t keep quiet, I’ll have to stop. Is that what you want, Harry?” She whispered, removing her hand and settling back in her seat. There was a mischievous twinkle to her eyes which I took as a challenge.

“I think you know what I want, Molly,” I said, dragging my nails across her exposed back. She shivered. I reached down and rested one hand on her knee, lightly caressing her smooth, bared skin. 

“Mm?” She purred. “I don’t know. You’re so _hard_ to read.” I ran my hand up her thigh slowly, pulling up that flirty little skirt with it.

“Maybe I'll just have to show you, then.” I slid my hand further up and her breath caught. I’d intended to tease her through the fabric of her panties, but my hand only connected with downy hair and warm flesh. Courtesy of half of a bottle of wine, I found this development funny in addition to arousing and I tried (probably unsuccessfully) to chortle quietly. “Oh ho, you’re all kinds of naughty tonight, aren’t you?”

“Not as much as I’d like to be.” She winked at me. I grinned like a mad man. 

“Let's see if we can change that.” I worked my fingers against her pleasure center until she was biting her own fist to keep quiet. Twice it wasn’t enough, and she let out a strangled gasp. The second time our friend in front of us looked back again, staring hard at the spot where we were sitting. He wasn’t looking directly at us, but it was still too close for comfort. “I think your focus is slipping a bit, Molls. Better shore up that glamour. Unless you want me to stop?” I stilled my hand.

“Touché.” Molly gasped. “Oh, to hell with it, let's go.” She stood up, grabbing the neck of the unopened bottle in one hand and my hand in her other, hauling me out of my seat. She dragged me down the stairs to the emergency exit and out the door (which thankfully did not have an alarm) laughing entirely too loudly. Neither of us cared. I had her slammed against the wall before the door even shut behind us, my mouth on hers. We were in a narrow little alley, the sort of dimly lit dank place that anyone with half an ounce of common sense avoids, but between the alcohol and the hormones rampaging through my veins, I couldn’t care less.

We were all over each other, grasping, fumbling, too intoxicated to remember to be things like nervous or gentle. She almost dropped the second bottle of wine, but I rescued it, shoving it in my coat pocket for safekeeping before returning my hands to her slender body. It took her several tries to get my pants undone and I almost tipped over when she tugged them down. I made an undignified grunt when she wrapped her hand around me and started pumping like her life depended on it. It was too fast, too much sensation. I wanted more.

I grabbed her wrist and as soon as she let go, I gathered up her other one and slammed them against the wall over her head. Her eyes went wide for a moment, equal parts fear and surprise I think, as I held her pinned with one hand. With my free hand, I traced the outline of her body, running my thumb over one nipple, pressing against her hip bone. “You want to know what I want?” I asked. She nodded, breathless and waiting. “I want to fuck you so hard I have to carry you home.” She made a whimper of need, which was enough for me. I was inside her in the space of a heartbeat, thrusting deep and hard. Molly bucked against me, crying out with each movement. Every sound reverberated off of the tall, close walls of the alley, throwing her passion back at me. She struggled to get her hands free, wiggling under my grip, which just drove me harder and faster. “Fight as much as you want, you're all mine now,” I said into her ear. A distant part of my brain was sounding alarms at the levels of creepy in that statement, but I didn't care. Molly, for her part, bit her bottom lip and grinned, taking it as a cue to struggle harder. I tightened my grip to a point that would have broken bones on a normal human and plunged in with renewed vigor, grinding her back against the brick wall of the theater. She brought her legs up, wrapping them around me and drawing me in closer to her.

Her voice was tight and breathless as she let loose a constant stream of half-uttered swearing and pleas, urging me to go faster, harder, deeper. She matched the roar of my mantle, barely contained and it drove me to a state of frenzy. Had I started foaming at the mouth, I wouldn't have been surprised. The entire world narrowed to just this, just us, just the connection of our bodies and the warmth and pleasure suffusing my limbs. I was lost in a world of her begging, panting my name, the scent of her everywhere and her skin and flesh beneath my hands. I stoked the fire in her, pulling her to new heights, and watched as her climax took her. She rode it out for a long moment, her mouth moving but no sounds coming out. I met her eyes and was leveled by the sheer adoration and happiness there.

I expected her to relax once she was done as she usually did, but instead, she took half a second to catch her breath then grinned at me and broke out of my grip on her wrists as though it were nothing. Before I could even register a thought, she had dropped to her knees and swallowed me whole. I'm embarrassed to admit how quickly I came for her. There was something about her kneeling before me, looking up at me while she worked her tongue and throat, which drove me wild. She looked, well, she looked like she'd been fucked in an alley – her makeup smeared, dress disheveled, hair everywhere and her eyes alight with mischief and lust. My knees almost buckled when I came and I braced myself with one arm against the wall.

It was a minute or two before I recovered enough for my brain to start functioning again, and another minute for shame and embarrassment to filter in. It had started raining at some point, I noticed and quickly offered Molly a hand up. She smiled and accepted it, rising to kiss me. Between her height and the heels, she was almost eye level with me, which was a new feeling. Especially after Karrin who needed a step stool to get in the same zip code as my face.

“You know, I’ve imagined our first date going a lot of ways, but as always you surprise me,” Molly said, laughter in every word.

“Yeah, this wasn’t what I imagined either.” I looked around as if seeing our surroundings for the first time. “Stars and stones, this is like a crime scene waiting to happen. We shouldn't even be standing here, let alone-“

She kissed me again. “I didn't say it was bad.” Her eyes sparkled. “Just a surprise. I never thought you'd be the ‘pin me to a wall and fuck my brains out in public’ type.”

“It’s not really public with the glamour going.” I reasoned.

“Mm. Pretty sure it's still public.” She smiled. “Also, I let the glamour drop once we stood up.”

“Gah!” I responded, clever and articulate. 

“Relax, no one saw us. And if they did who cares?” She rolled her shoulders, stretching, and I realized as she did that one of the straps on her dress had snapped in our romp. Her jacket was nowhere to be seen, probably abandoned in the theater. “Vanilla mortals won't care, and anyone in the know expects us to become Maeve and Slate anyway. Sex in an alley wouldn't have been out of character for either. No one will question it.”

I tensed at the thought. No, it certainly wouldn't have been out of character for either. But it felt pretty unusual for me. What did it say that I’d been willing to do it, to instigate it in fact, anyway? I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. These were questions for another time and place.

I suggested that we get a cab and head home, but Molly insisted that it was a beautiful night and we should enjoy it. The fact that it was 45 degrees out and raining was irrelevant to her. When we exited the alley I took one look at her and removed my coat, draping it over her shoulders. She looked confused at first then let out a squeak of happiness, snuggling down into it like it was a blanket. She sort of danced on the spot and continued squeaking. “Are you okay there?” I asked, lifting one brow in amusement.

She took a breath and composed herself for a moment. “Yeah. Yep. I'm fine. Just wearing _your duster_. Which you put on me. Like a gentleman.”

Confused, I replied. “Yeah, well I think I broke your dress and even if you don't feel the cold you look like you should be cold so,” I shrugged “It’s what a guy should do for his girl.”

“I know.” She sounded like she might be about to cry. Not sad crying, I thought, but good crying, like at weddings. “But that's _me_. I'm your girl. I'm wearing your coat. It's like, a defining feature of your image, and you just gave it to me to wear.”

I smiled, finally catching on. “Is it everything you thought it would be?”

“So much better.” She snuggled deeper into it. “Just like you.” She struggled into the sleeves, I took her hand in mine and we set out to roam the Chicago streets aimlessly. She found the other bottle of wine in the coat pocket and popped it open. Against my better judgment (and at her urging that if I didn't help her drink it she'd have to drink it all herself) I shared it with her while we walked. 

It was just shy of midnight when Thomas opened the door to his apartment, where I’d been fumbling with the keys for ten minutes. He was wearing nothing but a pair of ridiculously tight briefs, and I heard Molly gasp when she saw him.

“What. What am I even looking at here?” He asked. He sniffed. “Are you drunk?”

“Ummm. A little bit. Tha’ss whymm here and not driving.” Duh, I wanted to add. It seemed reasonable at the time.

“Uh-huh. And Molly,” He gave her a once over, took in her very messy hair, the lipstick that was smeared over half of her face (as well as half of my clothes,) and her rumpled dress. “Good to see you too.”

“Good to see _you_ too.” She responded, with a meaningful look.

“Justine, look,” Thomas said, stepping back to let us in. “Harry and Molly came to visit.” I had to steer Molly to keep her from trying to paw up Thomas on our way past.

“Sorry, we're just gonna use your bed. Be outta your hair in the morning.” I mumbled, stumbling in what I was pretty sure was the vague direction of the spare bedroom.

The last thing I remember from the night was Thomas’s wry smile as he said, “I suppose I deserve this.”

I woke up the next morning and for one terrifying moment thought I had another brain parasite. Then I realized, no, that's just the sunlight coming in through the blinds trying to kill me. I groaned.

“Well good morning to you too sunshine.” I looked up and learned that was a bad idea as the world lurched for a moment. My brother sat in a chair nearby, munching loudly on some kind of cereal. I groaned again.

“I'm never drinking again.”

“I've heard that before. Usually from my own lips. I have to say, I'm enjoying the role reversal we've got going on here. You show up, ten sheets to the wind, with a scantily clad woman, positively reeking of pheromones.” He had a sly grin and if I thought I could manage it without falling over or vomiting, I would have hit him. “I practically had to pull her off you to convince her that even if you weren't barely conscious you wouldn't want to have sex on my couch, no, especially not if I joined in.”

“Where is she?” I asked, suddenly realizing that Molly was not there and sitting up, heedless of the spinning room. 

“Relax, she's in your bedroom. I assumed you'd want to be a gentleman and take the couch. I just checked on her and she's sleeping soundly.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “So, I take it you patched things up?” He stood up and after a moment I heard the distinct sounds of one of those instant coffee makers going.

“Mm. It’s been a weird few days, even for me. But yeah.”

“What the hell happened last night? I'm not one to tell you how to lead your life but…” He handed me a cup before sitting back down. 

“Well, we went on our first date last night.”

“And it went…weeelllll?” He sounded like he couldn't tell.

“Uh, well, yes and no.” I gave him an overview of the evening. “and it was closer to come here than to get a cab so,”

“You got drunk in a movie theater off a bottle of _rosé_ of all things and then had sex in an alley.” He said in disbelief. “Harry Dresden? My brother?”

“I don't know what I was thinking.” I agreed, pinching the bridge of my nose. 

The door to the spare bedroom opened and Molly wandered out, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She was wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts which just barely covered the essentials. “I think I can imagine what you were thinking,” Thomas said quietly, then to Molly “Good morning. Coffee maker’s on the counter. I trust you can use it without setting my kitchen on fire like some other people?”

“You're an angel,” She smiled at him. “My god, Harry, you look terrible. You okay?”

I counted to ten in my head. Must resist impulse to strangle girlfriend. “Blow me.” Oops. Should have counted to twenty. 

“Mm. Maybe later. Coffee first,” Thomas choked on his cereal as Molly came over to sit next to me on the couch. I winced at the movement and she reached up to gently massage my temples. “Geeze, what's wrong with you?”

“Never. Drinking. Again.” I declared although the cool pressure of her fingers was working miracles.

“Oh you big girl,” She laughed and I knew whatever she was doing was making a difference because it didn’t cause any discomfort. “I drank more than you did!”

“This is your life now Harry,” Thomas said solemnly. “This is what happens when you run with younger women. You have to learn to keep up.”

I groaned, but cocked one eye at Molly and smiled. “Worth it.”

She smiled back. “I love you.” Molly kissed each of my eyelids, which felt like heaven, then kissed my lips. She looked up at Thomas, beaming. “He's my boyfriend, in case he didn't tell you.”

“Yes, he was just mentioning that.” Thomas hid his smile behind a glass of orange juice.

“Oh good. I just thought you should know. Cause I'm dating Harry Dresden” She stared at me with the most radiant smile. “I'm your girlfriend.”

“She's telling you that because you're so old she thought you might have forgotten it since yesterday,” Thomas commented.

“Yeah, well you're older than me, so if I'm old what does that make you?”

He shrugged. “I don't age like you lowly humans. I'm ageless.”

“I think you look better with age,” Molly told me, kissing me again. “More distinguished.”

“Thanks, doll,” I kissed her back.

“Evidently he thinks you look better with age too,” Thomas said, without missing a beat. I made a mental note to punch him in the jaw at my next opportunity.

“I guess I could have taken your example and had her at 16, huh?”

“You could have!” Molly protested at the exact same time as Thomas said: “She was younger when we started.” With zero apologies.

I threw up my hands. “Am I the only person not willing to sleep with children?”

“I'd rather not sleep with children,” Justine called from the kitchen. I hadn't even heard her enter. “But I've always had a thing for older men, isn't that right love bug?”

I mouthed the words ‘love bug’ to Thomas and was treated to a sight I've never seen before – Thomas Raith blushed. “Uh, yes well, you know what they say, once you go Raith, you're chemically addicted to us forever and can't stop yourself from coming back for more.”

“Oh posh,” She came into the room and I had to do a double-take. She was wearing a one-piece pajama suit, complete with a hood to make her look like a panda. Even though there was another chair available, she climbed up onto Thomas’s lap, twining one arm around his neck. “I keep coming back for you, you big dummy.” She looked over at Molly and nodded at me. “I hear you finally landed this one?”

“Yes, I'm officially Harry’s girlfriend now,” Her excitement only grew with each syllable that rolled off her tongue. I realized she'd probably imagined saying that a thousand times, and now that it was true, it made it that much sweeter.

I ran one hand along her bare thigh, enjoying the feel of her and added “Unfortunately for her, I can confirm that's true. Molly’s my girlfriend now.” Wow, okay, that felt weird but good to say out loud.

“Good,” Justine nuzzled the side of her hood against Thomas’s face, and I realize with a pang that that was the closest they could get to intimacy without involving someone else. I surreptitiously removed my hand from Molly’s bare skin, feeling bad about flaunting the basic contact that we took for granted. “These boys need someone to look after them. They're hopeless on their own. And Harry has been on his own for too long.”

“I know,” Molly agreed over my protests. “But I've got him now.”

Our next few days were blissful when we were home. Molly didn't quite invite me to move in officially, but I came home one day to find that all of my clothes and personal effects that had been stashed in ‘my’ bedroom had now been moved to the master bedroom. I noticed that she'd gathered most of my stuff from Thomas’s as well. She cleared space on her bookshelf for me, and had lined my paperbacks up and organized them. It was, I realized, one of the most romantic things anyone had ever done for me. We each kept our own schedule and didn't complain about how those schedules frequently didn't coincide. More often than not we'd have breakfast or at least coffee together in the morning, and at least half the time we'd manage dinner together, even if that sometimes meant one of us eating much later than we'd otherwise have done. At the end of each night, we slept curled against each other, keeping each other warm in a way that no one else could manage. 

Outside of the house, things were not going quite so well. I had found myself very fond of calling Molly my girlfriend, even if it felt a bit juvenile to say it, and even if every time I said it around Thomas he felt the need to add a smart ass comment like ‘emphasis on the _girl_ you cradle robber.’ I said it to her all the time. I said it to _myself_ all the time, I'm afraid to admit. But that enthusiasm hadn't quite carried over to saying it to other people. I fully intended to tell everyone I saw the moment I saw them. But the first person I saw happened to be Murphy and while I really wanted to tell her, I just couldn't. I've never been big on having hard conversations, and this one was going to be Hard.

And then it felt wrong to tell everyone else without telling Murphy first like I was keeping a secret from just her. The longer it went on, the worse I felt. It had been a long time since I'd kept anything from Murph and not telling her this? It felt like I was hiding Molly, like I was ashamed of her, and that wasn't the case at all. I was mulling this all over in my head over dinner one night, pushing my vegetables around the plate, when Molly finally said: “Do any of our friends beside Thomas know that we're together?”

“Uh, well, you see-“ I stammered

“Okay, that's what I thought. I get it. I just wanted to be sure. I mean, with your birthday coming up, I wasn’t sure who knew what. I've been intentionally vague when I talk to anyone.”

“You’ve been talking to people about my birthday?” The surprise almost distracted me from her resigned tone. “I mean, it's not like I don't want people to know Molls, it’s just…”

“You want to tell Murphy first,” She guessed. I nodded, continued pushing vegetables. “And you’re afraid of how she'll react?”

“I know how she'll react and I, yeah, I'm afraid. I don't like hurting people and this,” I gestured between us “is going to hurt her.”

“You don't know that. It's been months since you broke up and it was mutual, she'll just be happy to see you happy.”

I raised an eyebrow “Like you were happy to see me with her?”

She sighed and spread her hands out on the table. “Honestly? Yes. I was happy for you. It was what you wanted, what you've always wanted, as long as I've known you. I was really unhappy for me but as a friend? I was happy for you until it all started falling apart.” I reached for her hand. 

“Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up issues from the past. I believe you. That's who you are. I've watched you smile for me a hundred times even while your heart was breaking, and I love you more for it.” I looked down again, staring at my plate. “I. Part.” I sucked my teeth. “Part of the reason Murphy and I broke up was that she thought I was going to leave her for you. Or that I should have left her for you. Maybe both?”

Molly blinked at me. She looked like a deer in headlights. “Like, specifically me?”

“Yeah, specifically you.” I sighed. 

“But. Why? I mean, this was out of the blue, why would she even-”

“I think maybe it wasn't out of the blue, we just didn't see it. Maybe Karrin could see something we couldn't. Like I said before, she was the one who pointed out how well matched we were. She made some really compelling arguments.” I shrugged.

“Oh my god,” Molly said slowly. “You're only with me because _Karrin Murphy_ told you to be.”

“No, that's not what I'm saying at all.” I could feel my metaphorical haunches raising, and tried to tamp down my anger, forcing my voice to remain calm. “I will admit, she pointed out many things that I doubt I would have seen on my own, or at least they would have taken me much longer to see, both in myself and in you. We didn't break up just so that I could pursue you, but her constant paranoia that I would cheat and her jealousy of how close you and I were, those were major factors for both of us.”

“And now, you’re afraid that when you tell her she's going to say ‘see, I told you so’ and think that she was justified all along. Even though you would never in a million years cheat, with me or anyone else.”

“Right,” I said morosely, although after being with Murphy, it was nice to hear her confirm that she knew I would never cheat. It was true, it just wasn’t in my nature, but it was nice to hear someone else agree with me. 

“I can come with you if you think that would help. But you've gotta tell her. She's going to find out sooner or later.”

I groaned. “You're right. But no, I think this is something I should definitely do alone. Keeping one mantle in check when she starts yelling is going to be hard enough.” I leaned over to kiss her. “I'll tell her the next time I see her. I pro-“ She gave me a look and I caught myself. “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you,” She stood up and came around the table, giving me another kiss and taking our plates out to the dishwasher. As long as I stayed in the doorway of the kitchen, the dishwasher worked about 75% of the time.

“Hey, while we're on the subject, when were you thinking we should tell your parents?”

She frowned at that but thought about it for a moment. “I think, maybe after we've been married for a couple of years? Does that work for you?”

“That might make Sunday night dinner awkward going forward,” I said lightly. We'd gotten lucky the last two weeks and one or the other of us had been occupied with work, but tomorrow was going to be Sunday number three and so far we were both available. 

“Okay, what if we just start kissing at the table? They'll figure it out and we don't have to have a conversation.” She grinned and I rolled my eyes. “Uuugh. I hate having big conversations with them. Why is it any of their business who I'm dating?”

“Because they care about you and love you, and want to know you’re safe and making good choices.”

“So then why is it so hard to tell them that I am?”

“Because you can't lie,” She scowled at me and I wrapped her in my arms. “Because you think they'll scream and holler and tell you this is not a good decision. You're worried they won't approve of me and how that will impact your relationship.” She sighed.

“You’re right, for a change,” It was my turn to scowl. “But I really don’t want to.”

“Me neither,” I admitted. “I’m honestly more afraid of Charity knowing that we’re together than I am of basically anything else.” She laughed lightly “I’m serious, I would rather face Nicodemus and a whole host of Outsiders with nothing but a tube sock on than tell your mother that I’m sleeping with her daughter.”

“Oh. Oh no. No no no. Harry, we’re not telling them that we’re sleeping together.” She laughed again, as though that was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard.

“Well come on, they’re not stupid, Molls. I wasn’t planning on saying ‘hey, nice to see you, just wanted you to know I’m sticking it to your daughter on a daily and nightly basis’ but they’ll figure it out when we say we’re living together.”

“If either of my parents asks you if we’re sleeping together and you even give them the slightest reason to believe we are, you will be sleeping in the downstairs bedroom for a month. Which, incidentally, is where we’ll be telling my parents you’re sleeping, every night. As far as they’re concerned, you’ve never even seen my bedroom.”

“That’s crazy. They’ll never believe that.” I started to laugh but stopped when I saw her wide, fearful eyes.

“Harry, I’m deadly serious about this. If we want to have any hope of getting their blessing, they _can’t_ know we’ve had sex. We’re not married. I need you to go with me on this. Otherwise, they’ll never approve of us.”

“Okay Molls,” I agreed. “You tell me when you're ready and we'll tell them together.” I hugged her close, feeling her arms slide around me, strong but soft. Before I knew it, my lips were on her neck, and we proceeded to do several things that we'd need to lie to the Carpenters about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so, that was that. I hope you liked it and it wasn't too cringey? 
> 
> Tune in next time for a Halloween murder mystery, a Proven Guilty fix-it moment, a Thanksgiving that goes exactly as catastrophically wrong as you'd expect a Molly/Harry Thanksgiving to go, a whole bunch of roleplay, birthday pancakes and some good old fashioned dub-con.


End file.
